Yesterday's menu:
cocoa puffs with milk
burrito made with beans, homemade taco meat and 1 oz cheese
1 oz pringles
1 oz chicken in a biscuit crackers. I might just give up on these guys I swear
2/3 of a chili dog, 1 oz fries
5 gummy worms
1 fudgesicle
Wow looking over yesterday it was sure junk food heaven wasn't it. What can I say, every once in a while my menu looks like that. Which incredibly is one of the reasons I am successful at losing weight. Because in the end, it's not WHAT you eat it's HOW MUCH of it you eat.
See, the problem I've always had with weight loss was completely changing what I eat. I seriously do not like most of the 'healthy' foods out there. Like veggies and fruits and fat free milk and cheese and fat free hotdogs and fat free soups and diet pizzas. I could go on. Look I've eaten all that junk. I've tried to lose weight eating all that junk. And guess what? I ended up at 356 pounds because I didn't like that junk. Tell me I can't have plain old regular potato chips but must eat the 'baked' kind because they are better for me. Well I've read the labels. They're really not that different except the baked ones taste horrid. I'd rather have a serving of real fat laden potato chips. I've eaten sugar free jello. Pardon me if I don't embrace it lovingly.
I love love love how there is so much variety for me to choose from when it comes time to eat! I don't have to eat what you like. I don't have to eat what anyone tells me to eat. I can eat exactly what I like and if you don't like it you can leave me a horrid comment and tell everyone what a horrid person I am and never read this blog again.
If it's so wrong, why is it working? Why does eating less work? If there is good foods and bad foods, why am I losing eating the bad foods?
See, that's where the mistake comes in. There are no good foods and bad foods. It's ALL good. Yes, every bit of it. I am so glad that God gave us EVERYTHING to eat. There is, incredibly, a lot of food snobbery in weight loss. I'm sure a lot of people who read this think I'm doing it wrong. I don't care. I am happy to eat chocolate cereal for breakfast, weighed and measured, 54 grams. I will drink my 1 cup of orange juice, my 1 oz of pringles, my 2 tostadas with carefully measured beans and cheese. For me, the 'correct' way of losing weight didn't work. It just didn't work. See, I have this terrible character flaw. I have no self control. Tell me I can't have something and then mannn do I want it bad. I want it so bad that I'll end up gorging myself on it like a huge pig. I mean come on, you don't get to weigh 356 without gorging yourself many many times.
How much nicer, kinder, and funner (more gooder than just plain fun) it is to eat exactly what I want but portioned to fit into my daily calorie budget. NO guilt. NO self hatred. NO sneaking. NO clandestine trips to McDonald's or Taco Bell because I can openly eat there if I want to. NOBODY saying 'Should you be eating that?' because I CAN eat that. I could eat chocolate ice cream all day if I wanted to.
I know, I know, you can eat so much MORE of the low calorie stuff. Ugh but why it tastes disgusting. Gimme a fresh chocolate iced donut and you can eat your fat free oatmeal with sugar substitute and fat free milk. I'll take 2 pieces of pepperoni pizza and you can eat your salad with dressing on the side. I'll eat my half of a moon pie and try to give you the other half but you will turn up your nose at that and eat a 100 calorie snack pack in a most elitist fashion. If you're happy eating that way, and it works for you, then yay! But please don't tell me what a horrible person I am because I factored a piece of cheesecake into my day.
There is room in the weight loss community for people like me. And I know there is at least ONE PERSON reading this blog who is just like me. You hate all the diet stuff and love all the regular foods. Well guess what, you can still lose weight eating the foods you love. I swear I harp on this over and over but it's the truth. What a feeling of empowerment it gives you! You are in complete control and don't have to follow someone else's successful weight loss plan. I only give my menus because I feel like it, I don't want anyone to eat exactly what I eat.
Meh I'm beating a dead horse here.
We are having incredibly beautiful weather here. So lovely after all the horrid humidity. You walk outside and it feels like someone has draped a hot wet blanket around you. I have always loved autumn the most. Probably because my birthday is in October, but it is just so lovely. Actually this year the world is new to me, like seeing it for the first time. The trees and flowers and birds and the wind blowing through my hair. It's like I was trapped in a nunnery for years and years and finally escaped. I do so much more now than I ever did. I walk and ride my bike and completely vacuum the house from top to bottom and yeah I break a sweat and get out of breath sometimes but I recover nicely. It's nice to get out of breath for a real reason instead of drying off after my shower, or going into the kitchen to answer the phone, or walking upstairs. Sometimes I hate reading my older posts. Who is that woman? My life is so different now. All because I learned to eat half a moon pie instead of a whole one at one sitting.
Work for hubby has been slim to none. How we are making it is beyond me. I go nowhere except the grocery store. l spend zero dollars on 'wants'. Incredible that I have so many 'wants'. My needs truly are few. I am getting along quite well without my People magazine, which is one of my weekly indulgences. I don't know why I just seriously love that magazine. Where it's hard is when it comes to my kids. It's easy to deny myself stuff, hard when it's them. Like Mary. During the summer, when things started to get tight, I promised her a bike before she started school, thinking that things would surely shape up before then. But no, things are worse, and I am unable to get her that bike. She won't ride mine. So she still walks to school. And makes me feel incredibly guilty. How do kids have that power I mean seriously.
And doing without a car. Again. So many years I have not had a car of my own. And the car we have now, George, is possibly on his last leg, sitting at the shop. We spent $600 on him last month and he still has the same problem he had when he went in there. Where we will get another car, and how, is completely beyond me. Can't get a car without money, without a down payment, and the work to support monthly payments. Not much I can do, so I pray. God has always met our needs, I know He will again, it's like this daily thing, trusting that God will provide. I obviously don't do a very good job of it since stuff like this happens all the time. I hate being self-employed, having your own business. I hate not having a regular paycheck. I hate not knowing how much money is going to be coming in each week. I hate not having health and dental insurance. I have lived this way for almost my whole marriage and I hate it. But when you have 8 children and no car you don't just nip out and snag a job. So I stay at home and make sure no unnecessary monies are blown. Except the cable bill, I really wish we didn't have cable but it's football season and for my husband it's a necessity. We have no tv reception without it. And internet is necessary for MY sanity. I run around turning off lights and fans and jumping on everyone because they left them all on. Again. When I got my first time in my life ever brand new appliances over the summer, the best part was they are ENERGY SAVERS and WATER SAVERS. My washing machine uses 1/3 of the water a reg machine uses. And my old machine was a king size, I know it used more than a regular one. The dryer doesn't have to dry for 3-4 hours to get stuff dry anymore. Our water bill was $100 less last month! I wish we could have sold them, but when Rachel moved out we were able to give her the old washer/dryer set to have in her apartment.
You can pray for us, for work for my husband, and a car.
Thanks for all the support you all are giving me. I believe blogging is also key, keeps you accountable doesn't it. And it's fun! I enjoy reading about other's journeys. Love you all!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Wherein I muse at length about nothing
Kind of weird to think I've been doing this as long as I have. 'This', being, of course, losing weight. The longest I ever did this before was about 3 months before it all fell apart. I was trying to lose somebody ELSE'S way, and I just couldn't change into the person I thought I had to be. It becomes habit, measuring your food, counting the calories, estimating portion sizes. Just like it was a habit to mindlessly shove chips into my mouth while sitting at the computer, not even tasting them. I like my new habits.
My sister gave me a pair of butterfly earrings 'Because', she said with tears,' you are a butterfly!' I thought it was just so sweet of her to think of me like that, a delicate beautiful butterfly. My fat has been a cocoon that I have finally burst free from. (Speaking of cocoon, wasn't that the most awesome movie ever?) She is also continuing to lose, looking thin and lovely. It seems to be taking me FOREVER to lose. I wish I wasn't so impatient.
I am rereading a lot of old favorite weight loss books. My favorite right now is 'The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl'. I have never met Shauna but I love her to pieces. I recommend you read her book immediately.
I still have not made running a consistent part of my day. So I have decided, that since I'm on my own about this, I'm going to have to just start. I've tried the C25K program, and amazingly the first week is incredibly hard! I'll have to come up with my very own pre-C25K program to get me ready for it! Like: Run a block, walk until recovered, then run another block, etc. OR: Run as long as I can, walk until recovered, repeat ad nauseum. There seems to be one hitch to this program. Or two hitches. My breasts. Yes, My big old humongous breasts heave to and fro when I run. My instinct is to hold ONTO my breasts as I run, keeping them still, but I'm sure that looks ridiculous and a little naughty to onlookers. So I'm not sure what to do about them. How nice it would be to not have to worry about stuff like that!
This month marks the 7th anniversary of my Mother's (miss you Mom) death. She died on Bekah Boo's birthday, which casts a shadow for me over her day forever. Sometimes the memories and emotions swirl over me like an ocean wave, and tears will come to my eyes. Then it recedes, leaving me to go on. That's one of those weird things about life. It goes on. I really feel for my kids when I go. We're all pretty close, which I didn't realize until someone pointed it out to me. Hopefully they will support each other. Ben Rachel and Bekah call me every single day. Ben leaves for Japan next month for 3 years. He and his wife are so excited! He has told me many times the name of the air force base but of course I never remember. His wife is an elementary teacher, and will be teaching over there. If they have a baby in Japan it will have dual citizenship! Which is extremely cool. I love how technology today brings us so close, even though we are far apart distance wise. I wonder how the internet is over there.
So Bekah has discovered that there is a gym for the students that is CRAMMED with exercise equipment, a sauna, a POOL, and is going to work out everyday! I'm glad she's excited! I would be too. All you folks who get to go to a gym, I am so jealous. I have no vehicle, and it looks like I won't have one for a really long time. There is no gym in my little town. She's also decided she's a vegetarian. Which makes cooking for her ridiculously hard. Thankfully she will eat tuna because a fish doesn't THINK like an animal, so we can eat it.....I don't care at least I can make tuna casserole when she's here.
Eli got his job back laying cable and he is loving it. I'm trying so hard to treat my adult children like adults and not children. Which is so hard. Poor Rachel I'm always telling her what to do. Don't listen to me Rachel!
Today's Menu:
2 pcs bacon, 1 egg, 1 toast, 1 cup chocolate milk
1 tostada 150 calories
3 sour gummy worms
1 oz chicken in a biscuit crackers. It will never be enough.
1 can of root beer which is a real treat, let me tell you. I NEVER drink pop. root beer is my fav.
mcdouble and fries from mcdonald's dollar menu and water
4 bites of white chocolate fudge cake. It was half of a half of a piece of cake. I really love to cook and bake. So glad I can still eat what I make.
Had a girl's night out with my daughters. Went to 'town' and shopped for supplies for Bek at college. She has to provide her own toilet paper! And we had to get some comet and lysol so they can clean the bathroom, and a broom and dustpan. Was fun but being surrounded by all that sheer energy and love of life made me feel tired inside. I'm glad that they are enjoying life but all it did for me was make me angry at myself for wasting my entire life being fat and having a cruddy marriage. I mean I have noone to blame but myself that I got fat. And not sure if there was anything I could have done about my marriage, I guess I could have left but I never did. And things are so much better now. Such a waste! Like 25 years of my life wasted. And now I'm going to be 49 next month. I will be 50 next year. Okay that is freaking me out big time. I am really feeling my mortality. I've always known I was going to die someday but now I know it for sure is going to happen, people die because they get too old! Their bodies just fall apart! And I also have stretch marks, my skin is going to be baggy and gross, and I did this to myself. I am normally very upbeat in my blog but you have to let me have my pity party. For at least 15 minutes.
I think I'm ready for bed. I'm done eating for the day. I'm enjoying having the ac turned off and all the windows wide open. It's 61 degrees outside! I love snuggling under the covers!
My sister gave me a pair of butterfly earrings 'Because', she said with tears,' you are a butterfly!' I thought it was just so sweet of her to think of me like that, a delicate beautiful butterfly. My fat has been a cocoon that I have finally burst free from. (Speaking of cocoon, wasn't that the most awesome movie ever?) She is also continuing to lose, looking thin and lovely. It seems to be taking me FOREVER to lose. I wish I wasn't so impatient.
I am rereading a lot of old favorite weight loss books. My favorite right now is 'The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl'. I have never met Shauna but I love her to pieces. I recommend you read her book immediately.
I still have not made running a consistent part of my day. So I have decided, that since I'm on my own about this, I'm going to have to just start. I've tried the C25K program, and amazingly the first week is incredibly hard! I'll have to come up with my very own pre-C25K program to get me ready for it! Like: Run a block, walk until recovered, then run another block, etc. OR: Run as long as I can, walk until recovered, repeat ad nauseum. There seems to be one hitch to this program. Or two hitches. My breasts. Yes, My big old humongous breasts heave to and fro when I run. My instinct is to hold ONTO my breasts as I run, keeping them still, but I'm sure that looks ridiculous and a little naughty to onlookers. So I'm not sure what to do about them. How nice it would be to not have to worry about stuff like that!
This month marks the 7th anniversary of my Mother's (miss you Mom) death. She died on Bekah Boo's birthday, which casts a shadow for me over her day forever. Sometimes the memories and emotions swirl over me like an ocean wave, and tears will come to my eyes. Then it recedes, leaving me to go on. That's one of those weird things about life. It goes on. I really feel for my kids when I go. We're all pretty close, which I didn't realize until someone pointed it out to me. Hopefully they will support each other. Ben Rachel and Bekah call me every single day. Ben leaves for Japan next month for 3 years. He and his wife are so excited! He has told me many times the name of the air force base but of course I never remember. His wife is an elementary teacher, and will be teaching over there. If they have a baby in Japan it will have dual citizenship! Which is extremely cool. I love how technology today brings us so close, even though we are far apart distance wise. I wonder how the internet is over there.
So Bekah has discovered that there is a gym for the students that is CRAMMED with exercise equipment, a sauna, a POOL, and is going to work out everyday! I'm glad she's excited! I would be too. All you folks who get to go to a gym, I am so jealous. I have no vehicle, and it looks like I won't have one for a really long time. There is no gym in my little town. She's also decided she's a vegetarian. Which makes cooking for her ridiculously hard. Thankfully she will eat tuna because a fish doesn't THINK like an animal, so we can eat it.....I don't care at least I can make tuna casserole when she's here.
Eli got his job back laying cable and he is loving it. I'm trying so hard to treat my adult children like adults and not children. Which is so hard. Poor Rachel I'm always telling her what to do. Don't listen to me Rachel!
Today's Menu:
2 pcs bacon, 1 egg, 1 toast, 1 cup chocolate milk
1 tostada 150 calories
3 sour gummy worms
1 oz chicken in a biscuit crackers. It will never be enough.
1 can of root beer which is a real treat, let me tell you. I NEVER drink pop. root beer is my fav.
mcdouble and fries from mcdonald's dollar menu and water
4 bites of white chocolate fudge cake. It was half of a half of a piece of cake. I really love to cook and bake. So glad I can still eat what I make.
Had a girl's night out with my daughters. Went to 'town' and shopped for supplies for Bek at college. She has to provide her own toilet paper! And we had to get some comet and lysol so they can clean the bathroom, and a broom and dustpan. Was fun but being surrounded by all that sheer energy and love of life made me feel tired inside. I'm glad that they are enjoying life but all it did for me was make me angry at myself for wasting my entire life being fat and having a cruddy marriage. I mean I have noone to blame but myself that I got fat. And not sure if there was anything I could have done about my marriage, I guess I could have left but I never did. And things are so much better now. Such a waste! Like 25 years of my life wasted. And now I'm going to be 49 next month. I will be 50 next year. Okay that is freaking me out big time. I am really feeling my mortality. I've always known I was going to die someday but now I know it for sure is going to happen, people die because they get too old! Their bodies just fall apart! And I also have stretch marks, my skin is going to be baggy and gross, and I did this to myself. I am normally very upbeat in my blog but you have to let me have my pity party. For at least 15 minutes.
I think I'm ready for bed. I'm done eating for the day. I'm enjoying having the ac turned off and all the windows wide open. It's 61 degrees outside! I love snuggling under the covers!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I'm Back Baby!
Sorry about the absence everyone. I needed to take a break from my blog for a bit. Everything started going crazy in May with my daughter's graduation and I was feeling so guilty about posting that I decided to take a hiatus, which I didn't intend to have last 3 months!
Much has and hasn't happened in that time.
Bekah graduated, then she and Bethany spent the majority of the summer being counsellors at a camp for people with disabilities. I only saw them for 2 weeks. Then Bekah went to college, and Rachel moved out to her own apartment! I only have 5 kids living with me! The other night I set the table for 4 people!!!
So now school is back up and things are back in their groove. I'm walking every morning now, starting with going the 4 blocks with Mary then heading out from there. I love my ipod. Today was an Alan Parson's Day!!! I tried to match my steps to the songs but it didn't work half of the time.
I am so used to my new size, everything is so different from before, I feel like I am a completely new person. And I haven't even lost 100 pounds yet! My marriage is changed, I am changed, and I don't even know how that happened.
Stuff I never get tired of:
Looks I get from men. They even talk to me now.
Buying shirts from the normal part of the store--XL!!!!!!
People seeing me after many months and freaking out. No other word to describe it. Very gratifying! I guess I must have looked as horrible as I felt pre-weightloss everyone is so thrilled for me. And they all say the same thing: DON'T STOP! I won't, I'm not, that's nice and all but for some reason I hate hearing that.
Stuff that I hate:
getting up in the morning and taking a walk. Yes I should be all gungho and loving it whatever but it's hard for me right now
people who never even gave me the time of day when I was fat who are soooo friendly and nice now. What two faces!
My stomach is still so big. The rest of me is shrinking faster than my stomach and I have to wear bigger size pants because of my waist and the legs are all baggy! Ridiculous!
So the best part of the summer happened because of my grandparent's deaths last year. I received a small inheritance and bought a dishwasher, fridge, and front loading washer and dryer!!! My whole life has been made into a dream! Fridge has french doors, the dishwasher is so silent and has 3 arms in it for washing, bottom middle and top, and I love it! My dryer is now done before my wash is! And we have a new kitchen floor, looks like black marble, and all the appliances are black, it looks soooo snazzy. Even my trash can is black. I have, for the first time in my entire life, an icemaker, and fresh filtered water at the touch of a button. I AM SO SPOILED ITS UNBELIEVABLE!!!
So the tragedy of the summer is I gained 10 pounds but I'm just thrilled it wasn't more. Glad to be back on track again, with all the structure school brings to us all. AND now that our family is smaller, I am downsizing!! Yes, I went through ALL the bedding and pitched so much! My linen closet looks like one in a magazine now. It was so hard to find anything in there, and the kids were always knocking stuff off the shelves and not putting it back, ugh! Not anymore! I also went through EVERY SINGLE CABINET in my kitchen and got rid of so much! I had over 30 plates! Why?! I kept the blue and white ones that my Mother (miss you Mom) gave me, I also got rid of about FIFTEEN coffee mugs, boxed up all kinds of kitchen utensils that I didn't like/use--I now have an empty drawer in my kitchen! An unprecedented event! I also have created a cooking center with all my measuring cups spices and staples all close together. I feel so clever to have done that!
I also have a new dog. Yes, Meatball has joined our family. What started out as watching a dog for my niece as a favor turned into he's living with us forever. He is a white English bulldog/boxer mix. I LOVE THIS DOG. Yes, you read that right, I actually used the words love and dog in the same sentence. And the best part, is, he loves me too. He has chosen me.
Ezekiel has disappeared, which leaves Amelia Bedelia holding down the fort as the only feline. But she's so anti social. I miss Ninja Cobra.
Been battling my blood pressure all summer, and finally got on the right medicine I guess. Last time my bp was 120/60!!! I whooped when I saw that 60! It was so high all the time, like 145/105 and stuff like that. I was having headaches, even in the middle of the night! For no reason whatsoever! I'm also taking my vitamins faithfully. And the wellbutrin. :-)
Today's Menu:
cocoa crispies with milk and 1 cup of OJ
a burrito made with beans, 1/4 c leftover taco meat and 1 oz cheese and taco bell taco sauce yummmmm
pringles
1/2 c lemonade
half tsted cheese sandwich and 1 cup tomato soup
1 ounce chicken in a biscuit crackers which isn't much let me tell you
15 g dark choc chips
1/2 no bake cookie that I made, not even really half
If I even hit 1500 calories today I would be surprised. I love eating all day and still have calories when I go to bed. And I love eating exactly what I want, and not what some thin person who went to college or wrote a book or whatever and is impossibly thin tells me to eat. I don't LIKE cauliflower. I'm not big on fruits/vegetables. I've tried to change how I ate on my previous 'diets', which, as we all know, left me at 356 pounds, that's how poorly I did. How much more fun it is to eat what I want! Bacon and eggs for breakfast? Yay! tostadas for lunch? Yummy! Pringles or fritos or a fudgesicle for a snack? Lead me to it! Just because I'm eating those delicious things doesn't mean I'm eating huge portions. That's what people automatically think when someone has waffles or pizza. I can go to pizza hut and have half a breadstick, 2 pieces of pepperoni pizza and 3 chocolate dippers for 750 calories!
I am losing a toenail! I have never lost a nail in my entire life. I wore a bad fitting pair of shoes one day and could feel it rubbing on my second toe but couldn't do anything about it. I noticed as the weeks went by the end of my toe felt kind of numb, but what can you do? THEN I noticed the toenail was looking funny, all thick and gross like really old people's toenails, and I thought GROSS and was checking it out and you can lift it up on the left side and around! It's still hooked on the right side and it is so weird! I'm terrified I'm going to catch it on something and it'll rip right off!
So yeah, the economy is actually touching our household. My hubby worked less than a week last month. Mmmhmmm. And now George, our car, after we spent $600 to get him fixed is still messed up and is at the shop again. If we didn't have food stamps I'm not sure what we would do. Nice that God is looking after us. I asked Him to sell one of His cows that He keeps on the thousand hills and send me the money. I plan on paying August's house payment when it gets here.
OH I can't believe I forgot this part: when my son was here from New Mexico the entire family went to WORLDS OF FUN (an amusement park) and I fit in the rides and screamed my head off on every ride and couldn't talk for a week! AND me and the kids went swimming at a PUBLIC POOL and I went off the diving board TWICE and went down the huge yellow slide!!! AND at my brother's house on father's day he has a diving board in his swimming pool that I have never gone off of, ever, because I don't want to end up on america's funniest videos or youtube about fat people breaking diving boards. Well, I dived off it!! And it didn't break! AND I can climb up out of the pool using the ladder on the side!
Missed all of you very very much. Looking forward to catching up on you all. Hugs!!!!
Much has and hasn't happened in that time.
Bekah graduated, then she and Bethany spent the majority of the summer being counsellors at a camp for people with disabilities. I only saw them for 2 weeks. Then Bekah went to college, and Rachel moved out to her own apartment! I only have 5 kids living with me! The other night I set the table for 4 people!!!
So now school is back up and things are back in their groove. I'm walking every morning now, starting with going the 4 blocks with Mary then heading out from there. I love my ipod. Today was an Alan Parson's Day!!! I tried to match my steps to the songs but it didn't work half of the time.
I am so used to my new size, everything is so different from before, I feel like I am a completely new person. And I haven't even lost 100 pounds yet! My marriage is changed, I am changed, and I don't even know how that happened.
Stuff I never get tired of:
Looks I get from men. They even talk to me now.
Buying shirts from the normal part of the store--XL!!!!!!
People seeing me after many months and freaking out. No other word to describe it. Very gratifying! I guess I must have looked as horrible as I felt pre-weightloss everyone is so thrilled for me. And they all say the same thing: DON'T STOP! I won't, I'm not, that's nice and all but for some reason I hate hearing that.
Stuff that I hate:
getting up in the morning and taking a walk. Yes I should be all gungho and loving it whatever but it's hard for me right now
people who never even gave me the time of day when I was fat who are soooo friendly and nice now. What two faces!
My stomach is still so big. The rest of me is shrinking faster than my stomach and I have to wear bigger size pants because of my waist and the legs are all baggy! Ridiculous!
So the best part of the summer happened because of my grandparent's deaths last year. I received a small inheritance and bought a dishwasher, fridge, and front loading washer and dryer!!! My whole life has been made into a dream! Fridge has french doors, the dishwasher is so silent and has 3 arms in it for washing, bottom middle and top, and I love it! My dryer is now done before my wash is! And we have a new kitchen floor, looks like black marble, and all the appliances are black, it looks soooo snazzy. Even my trash can is black. I have, for the first time in my entire life, an icemaker, and fresh filtered water at the touch of a button. I AM SO SPOILED ITS UNBELIEVABLE!!!
So the tragedy of the summer is I gained 10 pounds but I'm just thrilled it wasn't more. Glad to be back on track again, with all the structure school brings to us all. AND now that our family is smaller, I am downsizing!! Yes, I went through ALL the bedding and pitched so much! My linen closet looks like one in a magazine now. It was so hard to find anything in there, and the kids were always knocking stuff off the shelves and not putting it back, ugh! Not anymore! I also went through EVERY SINGLE CABINET in my kitchen and got rid of so much! I had over 30 plates! Why?! I kept the blue and white ones that my Mother (miss you Mom) gave me, I also got rid of about FIFTEEN coffee mugs, boxed up all kinds of kitchen utensils that I didn't like/use--I now have an empty drawer in my kitchen! An unprecedented event! I also have created a cooking center with all my measuring cups spices and staples all close together. I feel so clever to have done that!
I also have a new dog. Yes, Meatball has joined our family. What started out as watching a dog for my niece as a favor turned into he's living with us forever. He is a white English bulldog/boxer mix. I LOVE THIS DOG. Yes, you read that right, I actually used the words love and dog in the same sentence. And the best part, is, he loves me too. He has chosen me.
Ezekiel has disappeared, which leaves Amelia Bedelia holding down the fort as the only feline. But she's so anti social. I miss Ninja Cobra.
Been battling my blood pressure all summer, and finally got on the right medicine I guess. Last time my bp was 120/60!!! I whooped when I saw that 60! It was so high all the time, like 145/105 and stuff like that. I was having headaches, even in the middle of the night! For no reason whatsoever! I'm also taking my vitamins faithfully. And the wellbutrin. :-)
Today's Menu:
cocoa crispies with milk and 1 cup of OJ
a burrito made with beans, 1/4 c leftover taco meat and 1 oz cheese and taco bell taco sauce yummmmm
pringles
1/2 c lemonade
half tsted cheese sandwich and 1 cup tomato soup
1 ounce chicken in a biscuit crackers which isn't much let me tell you
15 g dark choc chips
1/2 no bake cookie that I made, not even really half
If I even hit 1500 calories today I would be surprised. I love eating all day and still have calories when I go to bed. And I love eating exactly what I want, and not what some thin person who went to college or wrote a book or whatever and is impossibly thin tells me to eat. I don't LIKE cauliflower. I'm not big on fruits/vegetables. I've tried to change how I ate on my previous 'diets', which, as we all know, left me at 356 pounds, that's how poorly I did. How much more fun it is to eat what I want! Bacon and eggs for breakfast? Yay! tostadas for lunch? Yummy! Pringles or fritos or a fudgesicle for a snack? Lead me to it! Just because I'm eating those delicious things doesn't mean I'm eating huge portions. That's what people automatically think when someone has waffles or pizza. I can go to pizza hut and have half a breadstick, 2 pieces of pepperoni pizza and 3 chocolate dippers for 750 calories!
I am losing a toenail! I have never lost a nail in my entire life. I wore a bad fitting pair of shoes one day and could feel it rubbing on my second toe but couldn't do anything about it. I noticed as the weeks went by the end of my toe felt kind of numb, but what can you do? THEN I noticed the toenail was looking funny, all thick and gross like really old people's toenails, and I thought GROSS and was checking it out and you can lift it up on the left side and around! It's still hooked on the right side and it is so weird! I'm terrified I'm going to catch it on something and it'll rip right off!
So yeah, the economy is actually touching our household. My hubby worked less than a week last month. Mmmhmmm. And now George, our car, after we spent $600 to get him fixed is still messed up and is at the shop again. If we didn't have food stamps I'm not sure what we would do. Nice that God is looking after us. I asked Him to sell one of His cows that He keeps on the thousand hills and send me the money. I plan on paying August's house payment when it gets here.
OH I can't believe I forgot this part: when my son was here from New Mexico the entire family went to WORLDS OF FUN (an amusement park) and I fit in the rides and screamed my head off on every ride and couldn't talk for a week! AND me and the kids went swimming at a PUBLIC POOL and I went off the diving board TWICE and went down the huge yellow slide!!! AND at my brother's house on father's day he has a diving board in his swimming pool that I have never gone off of, ever, because I don't want to end up on america's funniest videos or youtube about fat people breaking diving boards. Well, I dived off it!! And it didn't break! AND I can climb up out of the pool using the ladder on the side!
Missed all of you very very much. Looking forward to catching up on you all. Hugs!!!!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Day 366--A Most Righteous Anniversary Post--I Want to Tell You About Me
Once, a long time ago, there was a little girl. She lived and laughed and played. She was slender and blond, loved to read and play the piano, and was picky about what she ate. Very picky. And then when she was 14 years old, her body started changing. Her hips and thighs became curvier. She found, to her horror, that there was a name for her new legs: thunder thighs. She weighed 120 pounds.
This is a difference of two years here.
~*'Where I'm Going From Here'*~
I have 110 pounds to lose to hit my goal of 150 pounds. I plan on increasing my physical activity, hopefully running in a marathon as every good little weight loss person does. I am definitely going to an amusement park in June with my family. The date is already set! The public pool will be visited frequently by me and my children this summer. And I will be wearing a bathing suit and swimming and having a blast! I will keep riding my beautiful bike (thanks Jack). I will sit where I want, play frisbee and volleyball, and run through groves of pine trees. I will eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm not. I am also toying with going to college in the fall.
****My Mentor***
If you've read this blog very much at all, you will see that I refer to one specific person more than anyone else. Yes, my friend Sean. I consider him my mentor. I found his blog on Day 10 of my journey and found out what a delight losing weight can be! It's not hard, or painful, or frustrating. And I feel this way because Sean was living the right and best way to lose weight. Thank you, Sean, from the bottom of my heart, for all your encouraging words to me.
This is for you:
Yes, Sean is the recipient of the soon to be coveted award that I will be giving out. I am quite new at making things like that and if it shrinks anymore you won't be able to see my blog address!
*~*~*My Appreciation for Authors Who Don't Even Know I Read Their Book*~*~*
Much love and gratitude to the following:
The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl
The Big Skinny
These books helped shape my attitude toward food, weight loss, and life in general.
I had toyed with doing this HUGE post showing the differences between my life before and after but I realized something. I am tired of remembering how horrid my life was. I have everything recorded in my blog so if you really want to know about it, just read it. All my little firsts have come and gone and now I'm living my dream. My marriage has completely changed for the better and I am so happy. I feel vibrant, and filled with joy. I look forward to each day, with no fear, embracing all that comes my way. For this is living, my friends. I am not a slave to food. I am not a slave to my body.
And how much fun it is to be thinner! How wonderful to actually have men talk to me in the checkout line! I am excited to look at clothes and try them on and then buy them and take them home! And I look great! I love shoes and can wear high heels again! And the sex is so different than when I was so huge! I can say that because I'm married so hush.
So now I'm off to celebrate this anniversary with my husband. Yes we're going out to eat and I'm thrilled that it's just not a big deal to reward myself in this way. I always have to cook and don't go out ever.
I'm done with this post. I'm off to live my life now. And I will try really hard to post more frequently!
Much love and hugs to you all and remember----
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!
Exercising and dieting were just starting to be popular in the 70s, but she never thought seriously about doing stuff like that. Everything could be concealed quite nicely. As she grew older, she helplessly watched as she got fatter and fatter and fatter. A few times, some weight was lost, giving her a semblance of control. But discouragement always brought all the weight back. Plus some.
When she got married, she weighed 140 pounds and her husband thought she was fat.
After her first baby, she weighed 150 pounds.
She hit 200 with her third baby and never looked back.
By the time she had her 8th (and final) baby, she weighed 300 pounds.
As the years went by, discouragement and despair settled in and became old friends.
She would never be able to lose all that weight, it was too much, would take too much time, was impossible! She hated most vegetables and fruits, and all the other 'good for you' foods that nutritionists declared must be eaten for weight loss to occur.
Always on the look out for the magic 'secret' that people had.
Hoping that scientists would finally come out with that magic pill that would change her life.
She weighed 356 pounds.
She finally accepted that she would never lose weight. She was doomed to being fat for her whole life. She would get bigger and bigger as time went on, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Did they even make a casket her size? The biggest size clothes at WalMart didn't fit her anymore. All of her clothes were stretched and stained. She was tired and depressed. She hated everybody and everything.
She prayed daily that God would change her, help her lose weight.
She hated the movie Gilbert Grape with all her heart.
And then the most wonderful thing in the entire world happened.
She decided she would do it. She would lose weight. She didn't know how, but she knew she would. She began walking that very day. She learned to count her calories and measure her food.
But the best part of all, was she found she could eat what she already was eating!
No pills!
No surgery!
No weirdo diet!
No extremely painful exercise that would hurt her knees and make her breasts jounce dangerously up and down and pert near rip off!
And thus began her journey, exactly one year ago today.
My name is Laura Ward, and this is my story.
When she got married, she weighed 140 pounds and her husband thought she was fat.
After her first baby, she weighed 150 pounds.
She hit 200 with her third baby and never looked back.
By the time she had her 8th (and final) baby, she weighed 300 pounds.
As the years went by, discouragement and despair settled in and became old friends.
She would never be able to lose all that weight, it was too much, would take too much time, was impossible! She hated most vegetables and fruits, and all the other 'good for you' foods that nutritionists declared must be eaten for weight loss to occur.
Always on the look out for the magic 'secret' that people had.
Hoping that scientists would finally come out with that magic pill that would change her life.
She weighed 356 pounds.
She finally accepted that she would never lose weight. She was doomed to being fat for her whole life. She would get bigger and bigger as time went on, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. Did they even make a casket her size? The biggest size clothes at WalMart didn't fit her anymore. All of her clothes were stretched and stained. She was tired and depressed. She hated everybody and everything.
She prayed daily that God would change her, help her lose weight.
She hated the movie Gilbert Grape with all her heart.
And then the most wonderful thing in the entire world happened.
She decided she would do it. She would lose weight. She didn't know how, but she knew she would. She began walking that very day. She learned to count her calories and measure her food.
But the best part of all, was she found she could eat what she already was eating!
No pills!
No surgery!
No weirdo diet!
No extremely painful exercise that would hurt her knees and make her breasts jounce dangerously up and down and pert near rip off!
And thus began her journey, exactly one year ago today.
My name is Laura Ward, and this is my story.
This is a difference of two years here.
~*'Where I'm Going From Here'*~
I have 110 pounds to lose to hit my goal of 150 pounds. I plan on increasing my physical activity, hopefully running in a marathon as every good little weight loss person does. I am definitely going to an amusement park in June with my family. The date is already set! The public pool will be visited frequently by me and my children this summer. And I will be wearing a bathing suit and swimming and having a blast! I will keep riding my beautiful bike (thanks Jack). I will sit where I want, play frisbee and volleyball, and run through groves of pine trees. I will eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm not. I am also toying with going to college in the fall.
****My Mentor***
If you've read this blog very much at all, you will see that I refer to one specific person more than anyone else. Yes, my friend Sean. I consider him my mentor. I found his blog on Day 10 of my journey and found out what a delight losing weight can be! It's not hard, or painful, or frustrating. And I feel this way because Sean was living the right and best way to lose weight. Thank you, Sean, from the bottom of my heart, for all your encouraging words to me.
This is for you:
Yes, Sean is the recipient of the soon to be coveted award that I will be giving out. I am quite new at making things like that and if it shrinks anymore you won't be able to see my blog address!*~*~*My Appreciation for Authors Who Don't Even Know I Read Their Book*~*~*
Much love and gratitude to the following:
The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl
The Big Skinny
These books helped shape my attitude toward food, weight loss, and life in general.
I had toyed with doing this HUGE post showing the differences between my life before and after but I realized something. I am tired of remembering how horrid my life was. I have everything recorded in my blog so if you really want to know about it, just read it. All my little firsts have come and gone and now I'm living my dream. My marriage has completely changed for the better and I am so happy. I feel vibrant, and filled with joy. I look forward to each day, with no fear, embracing all that comes my way. For this is living, my friends. I am not a slave to food. I am not a slave to my body.
And how much fun it is to be thinner! How wonderful to actually have men talk to me in the checkout line! I am excited to look at clothes and try them on and then buy them and take them home! And I look great! I love shoes and can wear high heels again! And the sex is so different than when I was so huge! I can say that because I'm married so hush.
So now I'm off to celebrate this anniversary with my husband. Yes we're going out to eat and I'm thrilled that it's just not a big deal to reward myself in this way. I always have to cook and don't go out ever.
I'm done with this post. I'm off to live my life now. And I will try really hard to post more frequently!
Much love and hugs to you all and remember----
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER!!!!!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Day 352--It's been a month since I've posted?! It's a good thing I have pictures.
No words to say on why I have been MIA. When I was bigger, my world was so small and was easily encased in the computer. Now, my world is expanding and I seem to be gone a lot, and just plain busy doing other things when I am home. One of those weird things I didn't expect. It's so odd to think that one year ago I was so different, I could be a totally different person. In every aspect of my life, things are different.
Instead of a huge retrospective, I decided to just give you a bunch of pics. Since my one year anniversary is Wednesday, I thought the soul searching would go best then. Without further ado, here is my life in mobile uploads and facebook pics.
Enjoy!
My littlest girl Mary broke her foot, and that has been a bit of fun. Here she is at McDonald's after she got her cast on. Looks so pitiful doesn't she? It's waterproof!
Here we have me and a ton of family. I am on the right, third from the front, hidden. I never liked family pics like this.
At my Dad's for his birthday last year. I was so proud of myself, I had lost some weight and felt so confident--until I saw the pics! I so hated when people took random photos that had me in it! I couldn't 'arrange' myself to show off my best side. Well, what I THOUGHT was my best side.
At my Grandmother's funeral last summer. I was so careful what I ate at the church dinner, and so proud of myself. Once again, I carefully hid myself in the back for the pic. My face is so huge!
At my brother's. I looked quite disgusting in a bathing suit, hence the shirt and shorts. Also, I am wearing my glasses so I can keep track of all my kids.
I wore that red sweatshirt so much. It was one of my 'good' shirts, covered my stomach nicely.
Why did I do that with my mouth! I look like I have no teeth!
Sigh. I look so OLD here.
This is one of my other 'good' sweaters. Covered all my middle section nicely.
Ahh, here we go. Probably the most hideous picture I have of me. Looks like someone else.
One of my son's wedding pictures. Didn't buy a new dress. There was NO WAY I was going to get one. I knew nothing would fit. And if I could find one big enough to fit, I still wouldn't look nice. At least I didn't have cankles! One nice thing in a world of pain.
Everyone except for Rachel. She was in South Dakota or something with the Natl. Guard.
And now for something completely different!
Me on Mother's Day, 2010
I am wearing my husband's jacket and posing with my new bike (courtesy of Jack Sh*t) Lulubelle. She is sporting her lovely basket which I made.
Bekah Boo Baby and me, Prom 2010
Mother's Day/Eli's 21st birthday combo party
I went up this completely narrow set of stairs on a field trip I went on with Mary and her class. It's the first field trip I have ever been on. I would NEVER have even attempted these stairs when I was heavy. When I would have realised the tour guide's intention to take us up them, I would have casually moseyed to the very back of the group and then gone out to talk to the lady at the front desk about all the beautiful pieces of furniture in the front hall that are in such good condition where DID they come from? So purposeful like. Instead, I went up the stairs and did not one time worry about if they would hold me. I also came down them. Just like everyone else. You have no idea how narrow this stairscase is. I also almost knocked a picture off the wall when I was up there. Did you know everything in a museum is old? They should really bolt that stuff to the wall! I was so mortified!
Inside Frank James's cell. I would never have been able to even walk INTO the cell when I was fat. I didn't even have to turn sideways!!!
On the bus. I fit. I fit everything. I fit going down the aisle, I fit sharing a seat, I fit. We had so much fun!
I was kind of scrambling for pics so here you go, me dying my hair.
Aaaaaand last but not least, me this week. I am wearing a LARGE hoodie. A LARGE!!!!
So there you have it. Please tune in for my one year anniversary post on Wednesday, May 19th. I will be revealing my real name, and discussing my life before and after. Probably in more detail than anyone really wants to read. But that post will be for me. Every single day I am blown away by the changes, inward and outward.
Thanks for continuing to read about me and my weight loss journey. Thanks for the encouraging emails I continuously get, they mean more to me than you will ever know.
I have also actually blown through my plateau and weigh 264. I have been toying with a few pounds up and down and ugh it is so frustrating!!!!
Much hugs to you all, fellow weight loss super heroes.
Never give up, never surrender!!!!!!!
Instead of a huge retrospective, I decided to just give you a bunch of pics. Since my one year anniversary is Wednesday, I thought the soul searching would go best then. Without further ado, here is my life in mobile uploads and facebook pics.
Enjoy!
My littlest girl Mary broke her foot, and that has been a bit of fun. Here she is at McDonald's after she got her cast on. Looks so pitiful doesn't she? It's waterproof!
Here we have me and a ton of family. I am on the right, third from the front, hidden. I never liked family pics like this.
At my Dad's for his birthday last year. I was so proud of myself, I had lost some weight and felt so confident--until I saw the pics! I so hated when people took random photos that had me in it! I couldn't 'arrange' myself to show off my best side. Well, what I THOUGHT was my best side.
At my Grandmother's funeral last summer. I was so careful what I ate at the church dinner, and so proud of myself. Once again, I carefully hid myself in the back for the pic. My face is so huge!
At my brother's. I looked quite disgusting in a bathing suit, hence the shirt and shorts. Also, I am wearing my glasses so I can keep track of all my kids.
I wore that red sweatshirt so much. It was one of my 'good' shirts, covered my stomach nicely.
Why did I do that with my mouth! I look like I have no teeth!
Sigh. I look so OLD here.
This is one of my other 'good' sweaters. Covered all my middle section nicely.
Ahh, here we go. Probably the most hideous picture I have of me. Looks like someone else.
One of my son's wedding pictures. Didn't buy a new dress. There was NO WAY I was going to get one. I knew nothing would fit. And if I could find one big enough to fit, I still wouldn't look nice. At least I didn't have cankles! One nice thing in a world of pain.
Everyone except for Rachel. She was in South Dakota or something with the Natl. Guard.
And now for something completely different!
Me on Mother's Day, 2010
I am wearing my husband's jacket and posing with my new bike (courtesy of Jack Sh*t) Lulubelle. She is sporting her lovely basket which I made.
Bekah Boo Baby and me, Prom 2010
Mother's Day/Eli's 21st birthday combo party
I went up this completely narrow set of stairs on a field trip I went on with Mary and her class. It's the first field trip I have ever been on. I would NEVER have even attempted these stairs when I was heavy. When I would have realised the tour guide's intention to take us up them, I would have casually moseyed to the very back of the group and then gone out to talk to the lady at the front desk about all the beautiful pieces of furniture in the front hall that are in such good condition where DID they come from? So purposeful like. Instead, I went up the stairs and did not one time worry about if they would hold me. I also came down them. Just like everyone else. You have no idea how narrow this stairscase is. I also almost knocked a picture off the wall when I was up there. Did you know everything in a museum is old? They should really bolt that stuff to the wall! I was so mortified!
Inside Frank James's cell. I would never have been able to even walk INTO the cell when I was fat. I didn't even have to turn sideways!!!
On the bus. I fit. I fit everything. I fit going down the aisle, I fit sharing a seat, I fit. We had so much fun!
I was kind of scrambling for pics so here you go, me dying my hair.
Aaaaaand last but not least, me this week. I am wearing a LARGE hoodie. A LARGE!!!!
So there you have it. Please tune in for my one year anniversary post on Wednesday, May 19th. I will be revealing my real name, and discussing my life before and after. Probably in more detail than anyone really wants to read. But that post will be for me. Every single day I am blown away by the changes, inward and outward.
Thanks for continuing to read about me and my weight loss journey. Thanks for the encouraging emails I continuously get, they mean more to me than you will ever know.
I have also actually blown through my plateau and weigh 264. I have been toying with a few pounds up and down and ugh it is so frustrating!!!!
Much hugs to you all, fellow weight loss super heroes.
Never give up, never surrender!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Day 346--I reweighed myself, Bethany is sick. Zaababy's Quick Start Weight Loss Guide!
K so I had to take Bethany to the Dr again today. She started with a sore throat Saturday and has deteriorated quite rapidly--headache, BAD sore throat, bloodshot eyes, dizziness, fever, ugh! Of course the checked her for mono. Inside I was thinking 'no no no no no no more mono'. At the moment they are saying she has a viral infection. I just hope it doesn't get worse. Bethany is in the school play this week and is most devastated. THE LION KING BABY.
So here we are at the clinic and I bravely and boldly hopped on the scale and I have lost 3 of the 4 pounds I gained. YIPPY YAY FAR OUT WOOOOOOOT.
I dropped Bethany off at home and headed to the pharmacy for her prescriptions and grocery store to get her some juice. While I was there I ran into a friend I haven't seen for a bit (Howdy S!) and she freaked quite nicely on how different I looked. We ended up talking for a while--I love my small town--and gave her my blog address. THEN one of my daughter's friend's dad came up to me and said 'Did Bekah Boo Baby tell you what I said the other day?' and I said 'nooooo' and he said 'You are looking great' WHILE LOOKING ME UP AND DOWN. Yes. Me! I said thank you freaking inside because let me tell you, I'm sure men have looked at me in years past but it wasn't appreciatively and I tell you what, it's heady. Too bad this incredibly awesome package is already taken!!!!! It's all for my hubby.
I went on a bike ride with Eli, Bek and Mary last night and Eli laughed at me and I said WHAT and he said you have the biggest smile on your face and it's been there the whole time! Because seriously, I am doing something I have only DREAMED of--going on a bike ride with my kids just like in the Sound of Music!!!! Then Bek ruined the moment by drawing his attention to the fact that I never turn my head but use my peripheral vision to look around AND my knuckles are white on the handlebars! Pft. I showed her how I could lift a hand off the handle but of course she imitated me with a totally shaking hand. I'll show her! And yes I don't move my head because I am being safe! What if a small animal ran in front of me, or a big rock or something! I would totally crash and burn and bif it bigtime. I like being prepared. I am practicing turning though, since I am always so afraid that my weight is still so immense that when I turn I will just flat out fall onto the ground and kill myself. I do enjoy ringing my bell. And sing. You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell. I swear I am totally innocent I had no idea what that song was about until I just now looked up the lyrics. I also went on another bike ride with my husband at dusk. That was the best of all, I believe.
I am making several dozen cupcakes for the play practice today, and bologna sandwiches cut into fourths. Tomorrow I am making dogfood and cheese/crackers and strawberries. Then Thursday for dress rehearsal I am doing pbj sandwiches and M&M cookies. My personal favorite cookie in the entire world.
I washed ALL my clothes yesterday and had no pants so on a whim I pulled this bag of clothes out of my closet that my sister had given to me last summer. Aaaaaand the capris fit! I am wearing size 22 jean capris!!! The khaki pants didn't fit but I haven't used my tried and true method of lying on the bed to zip them up. It is just simply unbelievable that this time last year, I couldn't even fit into the LARGEST SIZE at walmart and now I am wearing an XL in my top and a size 22 in the bottom!
I can't wait to wear my new high heels to church tomorrow night!
Tonight we're having chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy and yummmm it's my absolute fav meal ever. It is so freeing and unbelievably joyous to have learned that losing weight is not this horrible slog, filled with foods you find distasteful and pain and deprivation. Instead, I eat exactly what I always have---just less. So yes, that means I still taste the cake batter (I'm totally guessing here that what I eat is 200 calories please don't burst my bubble), I grab a piece of bologna if that's what I want (90 cal), or 1/2 c ice cream (150 cal), or 13 gummy worms (110 cal), or 15 g of dark cacao chocolate (80 cal), or chocolate milk (150 cal), or even a cheeseburger and fries from McDonald's (670 cal)!
Dear Zaababy,
I want to do this. I want to lose weight. Everytime I try nothing happens and I get so discouraged! Please tell me how to jumpstart myself! Oh, and did I mention you are way cool and awesome?
One Sad Cowgirl
Well Cowgirl, I know exactly how you feel. That was my life for oh so many years. Here is Zaa's Quick Start Guide, just for you!
So here we are at the clinic and I bravely and boldly hopped on the scale and I have lost 3 of the 4 pounds I gained. YIPPY YAY FAR OUT WOOOOOOOT.
I dropped Bethany off at home and headed to the pharmacy for her prescriptions and grocery store to get her some juice. While I was there I ran into a friend I haven't seen for a bit (Howdy S!) and she freaked quite nicely on how different I looked. We ended up talking for a while--I love my small town--and gave her my blog address. THEN one of my daughter's friend's dad came up to me and said 'Did Bekah Boo Baby tell you what I said the other day?' and I said 'nooooo' and he said 'You are looking great' WHILE LOOKING ME UP AND DOWN. Yes. Me! I said thank you freaking inside because let me tell you, I'm sure men have looked at me in years past but it wasn't appreciatively and I tell you what, it's heady. Too bad this incredibly awesome package is already taken!!!!! It's all for my hubby.
I went on a bike ride with Eli, Bek and Mary last night and Eli laughed at me and I said WHAT and he said you have the biggest smile on your face and it's been there the whole time! Because seriously, I am doing something I have only DREAMED of--going on a bike ride with my kids just like in the Sound of Music!!!! Then Bek ruined the moment by drawing his attention to the fact that I never turn my head but use my peripheral vision to look around AND my knuckles are white on the handlebars! Pft. I showed her how I could lift a hand off the handle but of course she imitated me with a totally shaking hand. I'll show her! And yes I don't move my head because I am being safe! What if a small animal ran in front of me, or a big rock or something! I would totally crash and burn and bif it bigtime. I like being prepared. I am practicing turning though, since I am always so afraid that my weight is still so immense that when I turn I will just flat out fall onto the ground and kill myself. I do enjoy ringing my bell. And sing. You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell. I swear I am totally innocent I had no idea what that song was about until I just now looked up the lyrics. I also went on another bike ride with my husband at dusk. That was the best of all, I believe.
I am making several dozen cupcakes for the play practice today, and bologna sandwiches cut into fourths. Tomorrow I am making dogfood and cheese/crackers and strawberries. Then Thursday for dress rehearsal I am doing pbj sandwiches and M&M cookies. My personal favorite cookie in the entire world.
I washed ALL my clothes yesterday and had no pants so on a whim I pulled this bag of clothes out of my closet that my sister had given to me last summer. Aaaaaand the capris fit! I am wearing size 22 jean capris!!! The khaki pants didn't fit but I haven't used my tried and true method of lying on the bed to zip them up. It is just simply unbelievable that this time last year, I couldn't even fit into the LARGEST SIZE at walmart and now I am wearing an XL in my top and a size 22 in the bottom!
I can't wait to wear my new high heels to church tomorrow night!
Tonight we're having chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy and yummmm it's my absolute fav meal ever. It is so freeing and unbelievably joyous to have learned that losing weight is not this horrible slog, filled with foods you find distasteful and pain and deprivation. Instead, I eat exactly what I always have---just less. So yes, that means I still taste the cake batter (I'm totally guessing here that what I eat is 200 calories please don't burst my bubble), I grab a piece of bologna if that's what I want (90 cal), or 1/2 c ice cream (150 cal), or 13 gummy worms (110 cal), or 15 g of dark cacao chocolate (80 cal), or chocolate milk (150 cal), or even a cheeseburger and fries from McDonald's (670 cal)!
~*'Another Reader Question of the Week!'*~
Dear Zaababy,
I want to do this. I want to lose weight. Everytime I try nothing happens and I get so discouraged! Please tell me how to jumpstart myself! Oh, and did I mention you are way cool and awesome?
One Sad Cowgirl
Well Cowgirl, I know exactly how you feel. That was my life for oh so many years. Here is Zaa's Quick Start Guide, just for you!
ZAA'S QUICK START GUIDE TO LOSING WEIGHT
- Start today. Not tomorrow, not Monday. Start right now.
- Eat every time you get hungry. Let's say you are hungry right now and you want some potato chips! Okay let's just mosey into the kitchen and measure out one serving of potato chips. If you don't have a kitchen scale stop what you are doing immediately and go get one. Saves you from having to count out 13 chips that are NOT the same size and are even broken and it's so frustrating! Okay so then you eat that one serving of chips and you're done.
- You are going to have to relearn how to eat. We all eat too much. Everything you eat will be measured and counted. Some people just really like writing down what they ate and some people just really hate it. Do whatever you like, just always know how many calories you are putting in your mouth.
- My calorie goal was 1500 because that's what Sean did. If you are unsure how much is best to shoot for, this site will help you determine that. Especially right here at first, you need to give yourself a calorie cap for the day. That helps you to spread your food throughout the day.
- Eat exactly what you like. You do not need to copy other people's menu plans or ridiculous ones you find in magazines. Weight loss is big business, and there's lots of money in telling people how to do it. And think, you are finding out the way for free! Eat everything you always have, just less. You will be learning how much is considered a portion size and just eating that. Like miracle whip is 40 calories for 1 Tablespoon and that is the perfect amount for a sandwich. Same with 1 cup of juice/milk, one chili dog, 3 oz fries. I totally recommend you get this book. I bought it at WalMart and keep it in my purse. I am never at a loss anymore! I can always figure out how many calories something is now.
- Learn to say no to food. It is most empowering. You will not be starving. You will be eating everything you love. So saying no to more than one serving is something you are going to have to learn. Here, let's practice saying no. ***You open your front door and you see a tattooed biker with long greasy hair with a crack pipe in one hand and an almost empty fifth of whiskey in the other, his motorcycle in the yard. He asks if you want to go on a ride out on a deserted country road. What do you say? NO.*** Good. Now let's make it a little harder. ***Your pretty blonde teenage daughter walks in with this tattooed biker with long greasy hair with a crack pipe in one hand and an almost empty fifth of whiskey in the other. She says she wants to marry him. What do you say? NO**** Makes saying no to another piece of pie no problem doesn't it?
- I also am offering to you FREE OF CHARGE my patent pending 100% guaranteed method that pairs so well with saying no. RUN AWAY. You are in the kitchen. You eat a cookie. You know that one is enough so you now say NO and then RUN AWAY FROM THE COOKIE. There. Feel free to share that method. You may also run away like a little girl. Works for me.
- Go for a walk. Everyday. I think walking is the perfect first exercise. The very best thing you could possibly do is get yourself a good pair of shoes. Everyone says that and I always thought it was stupid. But it's not. Your feet will really really really hurt if you don't. Mine did. I just could NOT understand why, especially because it was on the TOP of my foot, not the bottom. All the way up into the ankle. It was horrid. I splurged $50 and got a nice pair of Nike Air's for my 25 pound weight loss reward thingy. Wish I had done it right at the beginning but who has $50 just lying around amiright?
- There are no bad foods. There are no good foods. Everything is okay to eat. I don't care what it is. Just have one serving.
- We all have stupid diet rules. NO SUGAR NO FAT NO EATING BETWEEN MEALS NO SWEETS NO REFINED FLOUR blah blah blah. Some people are just awesome and can completely change how they eat and live and they can do it forever and I am so happy for them. But then there are the lame losers like ME who don't LIKE raw vegetables and steamed fish and all the weirdo things other people tell you is HEALTHY and GOOD FOR YOU. Let me tell you something. We eat real butter here. I use no sugar substitutes. If I serve my husband another fat free food he just might fire me. In my own little opinion which matters for nothing I think it's best to eat less of the real stuff than a whole lot of disgusting stuff that's good for me. That fake stuff just does not SATISFY. You know how good an M&M cookie made with real butter and eggs tastes when it's warm from the oven and dipped in one cup of cold milk I mean we are talking HEAVEN ON EARTH. And yes, I taste the batter too. I digress.
- NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP I MEAN I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK YOU 'MESSED UP' OR SOMETHING STUPID DON'T EAT HOWEVER MUCH THE HECK YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU 'MESSED UP' THERE IS NO 'MESSING UP' ANYMORE. That's right. No more messing up. No more 'I ate something I 'shouldn't' so now I'm going to eat what I want for the rest of the day because I already messed up this day.' Let's see. You can eat when you're hungry. You can eat what you want. Hmmmm. Sounds a bit like heaven to me.
So to sum up: Start right now. Measure and count everything. Eat exactly what you like. Eat when you're hungry. Take a walk everyday. Learn to say no. Smile at yourself in the mirror. You're really going to do this! You're really going to be thin! Oh, and get a scale tootsweet!
I think that's about it. Be good, my fellow weight loss super heroes! Never give up!
Big hugs to you all!
I have to leave you with this video. This is the group that my girls are madly in love with right now.
I think that's about it. Be good, my fellow weight loss super heroes! Never give up!
Big hugs to you all!
I have to leave you with this video. This is the group that my girls are madly in love with right now.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Day 344--My first weight gain. I KNOW!!!! Blood pressure woes. I have over 100 followers!
Wow what a couple of weeks I've had.
First off, my blood pressure has not been my friend. For a very long time. But see, there was always a reason that it was higher than normal. Such as kidney stones. Who wouldn't have high blood pressure when they're dying of pain? Also when they take your blood pressure they about cut your arm off with the cuff by pumping it up in a such a cruel fashion. It has NEVER been over 200 EVER and yet they ALWAYS pump and pump that thing and okay it really hurts. Sure THAT would cause me to have high blood pressure right?
And here I am, exercising and eating less, and my body is supposed to obediently do all the right things like LOWERING my blood pressure. But oh no, my faithless body decides to go in the opposite direction. It doesn't help that my mother (miss you Mom) never weighed more than 15 pounds overweight in her entire life and she still had horribly high blood pressure AND high cholesterol. That woman never ate any fat ever and she STILL couldn't lose those pesky pounds or lower her bp and cholesterol levels. I wonder what she would think of me right now if she were still alive. Okay so anyways, my doctor about floored me when she announced two weeks ago that she wanted me to come in every day or so to get my bp checked. Sigh. So I would trot over there (one block away remember?) and they would take my pressure and it would be high and then I would have to sit there and talk quietly with one of the nurses to calm me because surely the reason it's high is because I'm all excited about everything right? One of the curses of my personality. And then they would take it again and it wouldn't be as high but it would still BE high. So. Thursday she handed me THE BLACK SPOT. Yes, a prescription for BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE. I now officially feel OLD! And I am so sorry I do not want to offend anyone who takes this stuff it just is upsetting. I told her please don't have this be stuff that will make me gain weight and she said it won't. It's a diuretic called hydrochlorot. Notice how the last 3 letters are R O T? Mmmhmmm. Creepy isn't it.
So I couldn't weigh last week because they were closed for Easter. Makes sense doesn't it? Of course I didn't consider that and rode my bike up there to weigh and surprise! they were closed! So I went up Friday to weigh and boy oh boy guess what I gained four whole pounds! (I just can't bring myself to change my weight scale thing at the top!) My first reaction was to faint. I had to check again. Sigh. Easter candy, ham, and turtle cheesecake how I loathe thee. I didn't even stuff myself but I guess I ate more than I thought I did.
How thrilled I am that one of the very first books I read was The Big Skinny. The author went on vacation and came back to find she had gained a bit of weight while she was gone. Did she freak? Did she get super angry and eat everything in sight because it just didn't matter anymore dangit? No. She matter of factly pulled in the reins and lost it all again quickly. So after I weighed guess what I did?
And I guess I should apologize for not posting for two weeks but what can I say I've been busy. Every time I would sit down and think about posting something would come up.
And now for my favorite part of today's post:
First off, my blood pressure has not been my friend. For a very long time. But see, there was always a reason that it was higher than normal. Such as kidney stones. Who wouldn't have high blood pressure when they're dying of pain? Also when they take your blood pressure they about cut your arm off with the cuff by pumping it up in a such a cruel fashion. It has NEVER been over 200 EVER and yet they ALWAYS pump and pump that thing and okay it really hurts. Sure THAT would cause me to have high blood pressure right?
And here I am, exercising and eating less, and my body is supposed to obediently do all the right things like LOWERING my blood pressure. But oh no, my faithless body decides to go in the opposite direction. It doesn't help that my mother (miss you Mom) never weighed more than 15 pounds overweight in her entire life and she still had horribly high blood pressure AND high cholesterol. That woman never ate any fat ever and she STILL couldn't lose those pesky pounds or lower her bp and cholesterol levels. I wonder what she would think of me right now if she were still alive. Okay so anyways, my doctor about floored me when she announced two weeks ago that she wanted me to come in every day or so to get my bp checked. Sigh. So I would trot over there (one block away remember?) and they would take my pressure and it would be high and then I would have to sit there and talk quietly with one of the nurses to calm me because surely the reason it's high is because I'm all excited about everything right? One of the curses of my personality. And then they would take it again and it wouldn't be as high but it would still BE high. So. Thursday she handed me THE BLACK SPOT. Yes, a prescription for BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE. I now officially feel OLD! And I am so sorry I do not want to offend anyone who takes this stuff it just is upsetting. I told her please don't have this be stuff that will make me gain weight and she said it won't. It's a diuretic called hydrochlorot. Notice how the last 3 letters are R O T? Mmmhmmm. Creepy isn't it.
So I couldn't weigh last week because they were closed for Easter. Makes sense doesn't it? Of course I didn't consider that and rode my bike up there to weigh and surprise! they were closed! So I went up Friday to weigh and boy oh boy guess what I gained four whole pounds! (I just can't bring myself to change my weight scale thing at the top!) My first reaction was to faint. I had to check again. Sigh. Easter candy, ham, and turtle cheesecake how I loathe thee. I didn't even stuff myself but I guess I ate more than I thought I did.
How thrilled I am that one of the very first books I read was The Big Skinny. The author went on vacation and came back to find she had gained a bit of weight while she was gone. Did she freak? Did she get super angry and eat everything in sight because it just didn't matter anymore dangit? No. She matter of factly pulled in the reins and lost it all again quickly. So after I weighed guess what I did?
- I gave the rest of my Easter candy to my kids. They were thrilled.
- I am pretty much saying no to anything that pushes me above my calorie limit.
- I have my food of the day planned out in the morning.
- I have dedicated myself to being consistent with my exercise. No more haphazardly exercising without goals. I am timing myself on my walks/jogs/bike rides so I can push myself to do more. I also want to help my daughter in her quest to pass her pt test (still hasn't yet) so she can go active with the army so situps, running, and pushups will be added in. We can do all those together. Of course, she'll be doing regular pushups, I'll be doing WALL PUSHUPS or COUNTER PUSHUPS or some other form of wimpy pushup. She'll be doing the real ones because she's IN THE MILITARY. I mean seriously, someone who is supposed to protect our country should at least do regular pushups amiright?
- I am not throwing in the towel, giving up, feeling sorry for myself, or being coldly angry with myself because we all knew it wouldn't last right? I wish I hadn't gained at all. But when I decided to lose weight I knew I wasn't going on a diet, that this was for life. And real life is not perfect. I am not apologizing because I hate getting on people's blogs and they apologize for breaking the rules. Pft.
- sit in a lawn chair
- wear high heels. Me! I haven't worn high heels in years and years! I tried some very cute ones on today on a whim and I could walk in them just fine and they were adorable and ON SALE. I bought two pairs. I also put my shoes and socks back on while I was standing up!
- I got my hair cut last weekend and it was the first time that I can remember sitting in that hair dresser chair and there was room between my thighs and the sides. And the lady who did my hair was the same one who did my hair back in October. She remembered me! And my hair is short and cute.
- At church I sit with my legs crossed and my Bible laid open on my lap. Notice the key words: LEGS CROSSED, LAP. Me!
- bike riding
- jogging
- long walks
- getting up from a couch, chair, toilet, bed without having to give a huge heave ho
- fitting everywhere--seat belts, booths, high fixed stools at a high counter in a restaurant, regular bathroom stalls, between my car and another car that was parked ridiculously close to mine by a moron
- rolling over in bed without it jiggling, the depression on my side of the bed disappearing
- just plain old moving fast
- running up and down stairs
- losing a shoe size down to a not as embarrassing 10!
- We were watching a movie and three of my kids were on the couch and I came in and said Hey I'm skinny now scoot over and they did and ALL FOUR OF US sat on that couch. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life.
- I love showering, getting dressed, fixing my hair, putting on makeup. I really look good and I don't have to catch myself at a certain angle or do any mirror trickery to get it to be so. I just do.
- I can wear XL shirts! This is really big to me. Now if I could just get my bottom half to match up to my top half!
- This is bad. This is really bad. This is so bad you don't have to read it. The people I used to be jealous of because they were thinner than me? I'm thinner than them. And they know it. It's not a secret. And they act funny around me. Of course I'm not referring to the size 0 people we all know and love/hate.
And I guess I should apologize for not posting for two weeks but what can I say I've been busy. Every time I would sit down and think about posting something would come up.
And now for my favorite part of today's post:
~*'READER QUESTION OF THE WEEK'*~
Dear Zaababy,
I've been doing well for several months but all of a sudden I am hungry all the time. No amount of food seems to satisfy. I'm really not sure what to do. Do you have any advice for me?
A Faithful and Loyal Acolyte
Well Faithful. First thing I would suggest would be to give yourself 300 or so extra calories a day and see if that does the trick. If it does, then you're good to go. If not, then you now know that more food is not the answer to your problem. Go back down to the calories you were at before and then, start doing the most horrendous, frightening, almost R rated thing in the whole world: START SAYING NO TO FOOD AGAIN. Oh yeah. I think some of us would rather face ANYTHING than having to turn down food. You've been saying no all along your journey so this is nothing new. I am now going to offer you my patent pending 100% guaranteed to succeed method that partners so well with the verbal no: RUN AWAY. Yes. You say 'NO' and then you 'RUN' away from the temptation. No's do work quite well, but I find that the getting away from the food really does the trick. I also like brushing my teeth. Nobody likes to eat with freshly brushed teeth.
The real trick is going to be finding out what's going on inside your heart and head that is driving you to food for comfort. I suggest you take the time to deal with it.
Please remember that I am only a fellow weight loss super hero. I am no professional so don't go telling your doctor that Zaababy said to do this/said not to do this. He'll think you're nuts. Always listen to your doctor before silly old me!
I actually broke 100 followers. I am quite flattered that you all have chosen to join me on my journey. And to those of you who have recently emailed me and told me you read all my posts from the beginning---here's your reward! *hands out some homemade foil stars*
It's late and my husband is giving me dirty looks because he is trying to sleep and I am clacking away over here in the corner. So hugs to you all. Be good and make wise choices!!!!
Dear Zaababy,
I've been doing well for several months but all of a sudden I am hungry all the time. No amount of food seems to satisfy. I'm really not sure what to do. Do you have any advice for me?
A Faithful and Loyal Acolyte
Well Faithful. First thing I would suggest would be to give yourself 300 or so extra calories a day and see if that does the trick. If it does, then you're good to go. If not, then you now know that more food is not the answer to your problem. Go back down to the calories you were at before and then, start doing the most horrendous, frightening, almost R rated thing in the whole world: START SAYING NO TO FOOD AGAIN. Oh yeah. I think some of us would rather face ANYTHING than having to turn down food. You've been saying no all along your journey so this is nothing new. I am now going to offer you my patent pending 100% guaranteed to succeed method that partners so well with the verbal no: RUN AWAY. Yes. You say 'NO' and then you 'RUN' away from the temptation. No's do work quite well, but I find that the getting away from the food really does the trick. I also like brushing my teeth. Nobody likes to eat with freshly brushed teeth.
The real trick is going to be finding out what's going on inside your heart and head that is driving you to food for comfort. I suggest you take the time to deal with it.
Please remember that I am only a fellow weight loss super hero. I am no professional so don't go telling your doctor that Zaababy said to do this/said not to do this. He'll think you're nuts. Always listen to your doctor before silly old me!
I actually broke 100 followers. I am quite flattered that you all have chosen to join me on my journey. And to those of you who have recently emailed me and told me you read all my posts from the beginning---here's your reward! *hands out some homemade foil stars*
It's late and my husband is giving me dirty looks because he is trying to sleep and I am clacking away over here in the corner. So hugs to you all. Be good and make wise choices!!!!
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For some reason I can't move this picture right above. That's me and my nephew and I'm wearing the shirt I got for donating blood. It's the first XL shirt I have worn for over 20 years.
My sister and me at a school function.