Day 344--My first weight gain. I KNOW!!!! Blood pressure woes. I have over 100 followers!

Wow what a couple of weeks I've had.
First off, my blood pressure has not been my friend. For a very long time. But see, there was always a reason that it was higher than normal. Such as kidney stones. Who wouldn't have high blood pressure when they're dying of pain? Also when they take your blood pressure they about cut your arm off with the cuff by pumping it up in a such a cruel fashion. It has NEVER been over 200 EVER and yet they ALWAYS pump and pump that thing and okay it really hurts. Sure THAT would cause me to have high blood pressure right?

And here I am, exercising and eating less, and my body is supposed to obediently do all the right things like LOWERING my blood pressure. But oh no, my faithless body decides to go in the opposite direction. It doesn't help that my mother (miss you Mom) never weighed more than 15 pounds overweight in her entire life and she still had horribly high blood pressure AND high cholesterol. That woman never ate any fat ever and she STILL couldn't lose those pesky pounds or lower her bp and cholesterol levels. I wonder what she would think of me right now if she were still alive. Okay so anyways, my doctor about floored me when she announced two weeks ago that she wanted me to come in every day or so to get my bp checked. Sigh. So I would trot over there (one block away remember?) and they would take my pressure and it would be high and then I would have to sit there and talk quietly with one of the nurses to calm me because surely the reason it's high is because I'm all excited about everything right? One of the curses of my personality. And then they would take it again and it wouldn't be as high but it would still BE high. So. Thursday she handed me THE BLACK SPOT. Yes, a prescription for BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE. I now officially feel OLD! And I am so sorry I do not want to offend anyone who takes this stuff it just is upsetting. I told her please don't have this be stuff that will make me gain weight and she said it won't. It's a diuretic called hydrochlorot. Notice how the last 3 letters are R O T? Mmmhmmm. Creepy isn't it.

So I couldn't weigh last week because they were closed for Easter. Makes sense doesn't it? Of course I didn't consider that and rode my bike up there to weigh and surprise! they were closed! So I went up Friday to weigh and boy oh boy guess what I gained four whole pounds! (I just can't bring myself to change my weight scale thing at the top!) My first reaction was to faint. I had to check again. Sigh. Easter candy, ham, and turtle cheesecake how I loathe thee. I didn't even stuff myself but I guess I ate more than I thought I did.
How thrilled I am that one of the very first books I read was The Big Skinny. The author went on vacation and came back to find she had gained a bit of weight while she was gone. Did she freak? Did she get super angry and eat everything in sight because it just didn't matter anymore dangit? No. She matter of factly pulled in the reins and lost it all again quickly. So after I weighed guess what I did?

1. I gave the rest of my Easter candy to my kids. They were thrilled.
2. I am pretty much saying no to anything that pushes me above my calorie limit.
   
3. I have my food of the day planned out in the morning.
4. I have dedicated myself to being consistent with my exercise. No more haphazardly exercising without goals. I am timing myself on my walks/jogs/bike rides so I can push myself to do more. I also want to help my daughter in her quest to pass her pt test (still hasn't yet) so she can go active with the army so situps, running, and pushups will be added in. We can do all those together. Of course, she'll be doing regular pushups, I'll be doing WALL PUSHUPS or COUNTER PUSHUPS or some other form of wimpy pushup. She'll be doing the real ones because she's IN THE MILITARY. I mean seriously, someone who is supposed to protect our country should at least do regular pushups amiright?
5. I am not throwing in the towel, giving up, feeling sorry for myself, or being coldly angry with myself because we all knew it wouldn't last right? I wish I hadn't gained at all. But when I decided to lose weight I knew I wasn't going on a diet, that this was for life. And real life is not perfect. I am not apologizing because I hate getting on people's blogs and they apologize for breaking the rules. Pft.

I toyed with officially writing about it here. I just hate reading other people's blogs and they start gaining weight and then there's this horrible struggle for a few months then POOF they're gone. I have lost NINETY POUNDS. That is a whole lot. My entire life has changed. It is so easy to lose focus. What is the goal in my life? It's to be normal. And surprisingly enough I am already doing all the normal things I thought I wouldn't be able to do until I hit goal. Such as:

• sit in a lawn chair
• wear high heels. Me! I haven't worn high heels in years and years! I tried some very cute ones on today on a whim and I could walk in them just fine and they were adorable and ON SALE. I bought two pairs. I also put my shoes and socks back on while I was standing up!
  
• I got my hair cut last weekend and it was the first time that I can remember sitting in that hair dresser chair and there was room between my thighs and the sides. And the lady who did my hair was the same one who did my hair back in October. She remembered me! And my hair is short and cute.
• At church I sit with my legs crossed and my Bible laid open on my lap. Notice the key words: LEGS CROSSED, LAP. Me!
• bike riding
• jogging
• long walks
• getting up from a couch, chair, toilet, bed without having to give a huge heave ho
• fitting everywhere--seat belts, booths, high fixed stools at a high counter in a restaurant, regular bathroom stalls, between my car and another car that was parked ridiculously close to mine by a moron
• rolling over in bed without it jiggling, the depression on my side of the bed disappearing
• just plain old moving fast
• running up and down stairs
• losing a shoe size down to a not as embarrassing 10!
• We were watching a movie and three of my kids were on the couch and I came in and said Hey I'm skinny now scoot over and they did and ALL FOUR OF US sat on that couch. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life.
• I love showering, getting dressed, fixing my hair, putting on makeup. I really look good and I don't have to catch myself at a certain angle or do any mirror trickery to get it to be so. I just do.
  
• I can wear XL shirts! This is really big to me. Now if I could just get my bottom half to match up to my top half!
• This is bad. This is really bad. This is so bad you don't have to read it. The people I used to be jealous of because they were thinner than me? I'm thinner than them. And they know it. It's not a secret. And they act funny around me. Of course I'm not referring to the size 0 people we all know and love/hate.
  

I also have discovered a most distasteful thing that I have been doing: apologizing for thinking I look good. Yes, most stupid of me. I would feel so pretty and trim and cute and would be telling my sister or daughters how great I feel then I would say something like I know I have a long way to go still, I am over 100 pounds overweight, people look at me and see a fat woman but I still feel so great. Why am I doing this? Am I expecting others to say, 'Um, I know you FEEL like you look good but you really don't'. So no more apologetic attitude. I AM CUTE AND TRIM.

And I guess I should apologize for not posting for two weeks but what can I say I've been busy. Every time I would sit down and think about posting something would come up.

And now for my favorite part of today's post:

~*'READER QUESTION OF THE WEEK'*~

Dear Zaababy,
I've been doing well for several months but all of a sudden I am hungry all the time. No amount of food seems to satisfy. I'm really not sure what to do. Do you have any advice for me?
A Faithful and Loyal Acolyte

Well Faithful. First thing I would suggest would be to give yourself 300 or so extra calories a day and see if that does the trick. If it does, then you're good to go. If not, then you now know that more food is not the answer to your problem. Go back down to the calories you were at before and then, start doing the most horrendous, frightening, almost R rated thing in the whole world: START SAYING NO TO FOOD AGAIN. Oh yeah. I think some of us would rather face ANYTHING than having to turn down food. You've been saying no all along your journey so this is nothing new. I am now going to offer you my patent pending 100% guaranteed to succeed method that partners so well with the verbal no: RUN AWAY. Yes. You say 'NO' and then you 'RUN' away from the temptation. No's do work quite well, but I find that the getting away from the food really does the trick. I also like brushing my teeth. Nobody likes to eat with freshly brushed teeth.
The real trick is going to be finding out what's going on inside your heart and head that is driving you to food for comfort. I suggest you take the time to deal with it.
Please remember that I am only a fellow weight loss super hero. I am no professional so don't go telling your doctor that Zaababy said to do this/said not to do this. He'll think you're nuts. Always listen to your doctor before silly old me!

I actually broke 100 followers. I am quite flattered that you all have chosen to join me on my journey. And to those of you who have recently emailed me and told me you read all my posts from the beginning---here's your reward! *hands out some homemade foil stars*

It's late and my husband is giving me dirty looks because he is trying to sleep and I am clacking away over here in the corner. So hugs to you all. Be good and make wise choices!!!!