Saturday, November 5, 2011

Weigh Day and BP checkup results are in!

We all talk to ourselves. And funnily enough, we say stuff we would NEVER say to another person. I talked incredibly hateful to myself. This is a sample of what I used to say:

I am a pig. A big, fat pig. I will never lose weight, ever. I am doomed to get fatter and fatter as time goes on. I hate my blobby glutinous self. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, what's the point? I can't change anything about my looks. I am helpless when food calls my name. I don't even want to know how much I weigh. Why even look at calorie information? Why even bother to say no to any foods ever? It won't make a difference. I'm going to be fat until the day I die, and they won't even be able to find a coffin big enough for me. My kids are embarrassed to introduce me as their Mother. My husband is embarrassed to introduce me as his wife. I can see the disgust in people's eyes when I meet them the first time. I hate everybody and I hate everything and I hate myself most of all.

But this is what I say to myself now:

I am focused. I am determined. I am going to do this. I am finally going to achieve my dreams. What do I want, more food? or to be thin? I have had more food my entire life and it has only brought me misery and despair. Today I will say no to food that is not within my calorie budget and it will bring me joy. Today I will walk, even though it is hard, and long, and my muscles are sore. Today I feel exultation in my decision to lose weight. 

What we say to ourselves is either going to make things worse or build us up. I would never tell a friend she is a failure, just give up and go grab that bag of chips in the kitchen, she's never going to lose that weight anyways. Would you? Yet I have told myself that oodles of times. Changing my attitude is key to my weight loss. So is planning ahead for the food I will eat. Like tonight. We're having hamburgers fries and mac & cheese. I know what I will be eating. I will have a hamburger (that I pre-weighed on my food scale so I can have a quarter pounder!) with a slice of cheese melted on it, no bun, 3 oz of fries (1 serving) and no mac & cheese unless it turns out incredibly yummy looking which it usually never does. If it DOES, then I will only have 1/2 cup it's so high in calories. 
See how easy that was? Stuff like this makes me hug myself. I feel so in control of what I eat and I never used to, ever. I would fight temptation and fight it and fight it and finally just give in with an oh well who cares. Now when temptation comes I don't even listen. I refuse. 

I walked the horseshoe. For some reason my right knee and hip hurt and today was especially difficult. I stopped several times. I hate getting old.

Food I ate:
1 serving cocoa puffs 120
splash of milk
4 oz milk 60 (I love milk and take my pills with it every morning)
1 Red Baron pepperoni french toast pizza 380
1 serving ruffles queso chips 160
1 homemade M&M cookie I just love these things so much. They are my favorite cookie in the whole world. I ate it slowly and savored every. single. bite. I think I am guessing 200 calories per? (Which is why I have only one. I used to eat 5 with a huge glass of milk. And then 5 more later in the evening with another glass of milk. Wow. Dang that is a lot of calories!)
1 hamburger and fries and 1 slice of cheese.
A taste of cake batter and icing that I made for the potluck tomorrow

This time around, I am using an app called 'Loseit'. You can get it for your phone or if you use google chrome on your computer. Great place to log in your food and exercise for the day, also they have a very active forum. If you join, friend me. I am 'lajoward' and would love to have friends in that community.

And now what everyone has been waiting for: My weigh day results!!!
I slept in til after 11 (!) then got up, dressed, and moseyed over to the clinic 1 block away. I love small towns. I just walked in to the back, and hopped on the scale. 302?! Wow I lost 5 pounds in 1 week! Way to go Laura! They had time to check my bp, clinic was slow for once, and it was 120/60! Woooot! So positive results for me. 9 pounds in 2 weeks? I'll take that. And of course I am horribly impatient. I want to see changes NOW. And I kind of do--my face looks thinner. I'll take that. I don't care if anybody else sees it, I do. The way I can tell is my mouth looks bigger, if that's even possible. Now if my gargantuan breasts and stomach will also look smaller--man what a day when those things go down eh?

Don't forget to turn your clocks back. I am going to enjoy my extra hour of sleep!

Making wise choices as fun as fun can be,


  1. Go you on the bp & WL! I'm so proud of you! I think what I like the best though, is your mindset. I just love how you are rethinking things, and being positive. You might add to the "new" speech; "I am valuable & precious!"

    Rah Rah Laura!

  2. I love this post. It is crazy that the things we would never dare say to other people because they are so detrimental and hurtful are the things we tell ourselves every day.

    I guess I never really thought about that until now.

    Congrats on your loss, keep on keepin' on!