Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Learning to Deal with Wanting More

Today has just been one of those days.

First, my 16 year old son Sam has been sick off and on since he got back from working at camp all summer. He has already missed 7 days of school this semester. So he has been suffering from massive headaches for 1 1/2 weeks, diarrhea, nausea, can't sleep, not hungry, and oddly nightmares. Took him to the doctor today, and we're scheduled for a cat scan, a very comprehensive eye exam, they did blood work. I am trying not to freak out, but seriously, that is what I am best at. 

So I'm praying a lot, and when I don't know what to do, I take the advice of Elisabeth Elliot and I do the next thing. So this afternoon I folded clothes; went to the grocery store; made pancakes and sausage for dinner. Now I am writing this post. When I am done I will clean the kitchen. And finish up the laundry. I just feel tired today.

And this wanting more crud. Did I really think I would be able to change everything just because I decided to lose weight? Of course I'm still going to be greedy and want more because that's the way I was for YEARS! I can't let this derail me. Just because I think or feel I want more doesn't mean I am a failure. It doesn't mean I will never lose weight. It always takes me by surprise. I ate lunch today, and was full, and I had this hankering for something, anything, just so I could be eating. And I ate my lunch nice and slow. I had to say no. Man it's almost painful this desire that comes over me, it's like I have to have something right now and it's panicky. Saying no doesn't hurt at all, which always surprises me, and as I move on I quickly forget about it. 

I will probably want more tonight. And tomorrow. And when that happens I can't let myself get upset, because it's going to happen, and it's okay to want more, I will just not give in.

I'm sorry to go on I was just pouring my thoughts out in here.

Food I ate:
cocoa puffs 120
milk 81
french bread pizza 380
chips 160
root beer 160
pancake with syrup 200
2 sausage 150
milk 120
1.5 oz M&M's 70

No walk because of the rain, but it should be clearing up tonight and we'll have bright sunny skies tomorrow.

I hope I get a good night's sleep tonight. I haven't been sleeping well for some reason.

Making wise choices even through the tough times,

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