Yesterday

Yesterday's menu:
cocoa puffs with milk
burrito made with beans, homemade taco meat and 1 oz cheese
1 oz pringles
1 oz chicken in a biscuit crackers. I might just give up on these guys I swear
2/3 of a chili dog, 1 oz fries
5 gummy worms
1 fudgesicle

Wow looking over yesterday it was sure junk food heaven wasn't it. What can I say, every once in a while my menu looks like that. Which incredibly is one of the reasons I am successful at losing weight. Because in the end, it's not WHAT you eat it's HOW MUCH of it you eat.
See, the problem I've always had with weight loss was completely changing what I eat. I seriously do not like most of the 'healthy' foods out there. Like veggies and fruits and fat free milk and cheese and fat free hotdogs and fat free soups and diet pizzas. I could go on. Look I've eaten all that junk. I've tried to lose weight eating all that junk. And guess what? I ended up at 356 pounds because I didn't like that junk. Tell me I can't have plain old regular potato chips but must eat the 'baked' kind because they are better for me. Well I've read the labels. They're really not that different except the baked ones taste horrid. I'd rather have a serving of real fat laden potato chips. I've eaten sugar free jello. Pardon me if I don't embrace it lovingly.
I love love love how there is so much variety for me to choose from when it comes time to eat! I don't have to eat what you like. I don't have to eat what anyone tells me to eat. I can eat exactly what I like and if you don't like it you can leave me a horrid comment and tell everyone what a horrid person I am and never read this blog again.
If it's so wrong, why is it working? Why does eating less work? If there is good foods and bad foods, why am I losing eating the bad foods?
See, that's where the mistake comes in. There are no good foods and bad foods. It's ALL good. Yes, every bit of it. I am so glad that God gave us EVERYTHING to eat. There is, incredibly, a lot of food snobbery in weight loss. I'm sure a lot of people who read this think I'm doing it wrong. I don't care. I am happy to eat chocolate cereal for breakfast, weighed and measured, 54 grams. I will drink my 1 cup of orange juice, my 1 oz of pringles, my 2 tostadas with carefully measured beans and cheese. For me, the 'correct' way of losing weight didn't work. It just didn't work. See, I have this terrible character flaw. I have no self control. Tell me I can't have something and then mannn do I want it bad. I want it so bad that I'll end up gorging myself on it like a huge pig. I mean come on, you don't get to weigh 356 without gorging yourself many many times.
How much nicer, kinder, and funner (more gooder than just plain fun) it is to eat exactly what I want but portioned to fit into my daily calorie budget. NO guilt. NO self hatred. NO sneaking. NO clandestine trips to McDonald's or Taco Bell because I can openly eat there if I want to. NOBODY saying 'Should you be eating that?' because I CAN eat that. I could eat chocolate ice cream all day if I wanted to.
I know, I know, you can eat so much MORE of the low calorie stuff. Ugh but why it tastes disgusting. Gimme a fresh chocolate iced donut and you can eat your fat free oatmeal with sugar substitute and fat free milk. I'll take 2 pieces of pepperoni pizza and you can eat your salad with dressing on the side. I'll eat my half of a moon pie and try to give you the other half but you will turn up your nose at that and eat a 100 calorie snack pack in a most elitist fashion. If you're happy eating that way, and it works for you, then yay! But please don't tell me what a horrible person I am because I factored a piece of cheesecake into my day.
There is room in the weight loss community for people like me. And I know there is at least ONE PERSON reading this blog who is just like me. You hate all the diet stuff and love all the regular foods. Well guess what, you can still lose weight eating the foods you love. I swear I harp on this over and over but it's the truth. What a feeling of empowerment it gives you! You are in complete control and don't have to follow someone else's successful weight loss plan. I only give my menus because I feel like it, I don't want anyone to eat exactly what I eat.
Meh I'm beating a dead horse here.
We are having incredibly beautiful weather here. So lovely after all the horrid humidity. You walk outside and it feels like someone has draped a hot wet blanket around you. I have always loved autumn the most. Probably because my birthday is in October, but it is just so lovely. Actually this year the world is new to me, like seeing it for the first time. The trees and flowers and birds and the wind blowing through my hair. It's like I was trapped in a nunnery for years and years and finally escaped. I do so much more now than I ever did. I walk and ride my bike and completely vacuum the house from top to bottom and yeah I break a sweat and get out of breath sometimes but I recover nicely. It's nice to get out of breath for a real reason instead of drying off after my shower, or going into the kitchen to answer the phone, or walking upstairs. Sometimes I hate reading my older posts. Who is that woman? My life is so different now. All because I learned to eat half a moon pie instead of a whole one at one sitting.
Work for hubby has been slim to none. How we are making it is beyond me. I go nowhere except the grocery store. l spend zero dollars on 'wants'. Incredible that I have so many 'wants'. My needs truly are few. I am getting along quite well without my People magazine, which is one of my weekly indulgences. I don't know why I just seriously love that magazine. Where it's hard is when it comes to my kids. It's easy to deny myself stuff, hard when it's them. Like Mary. During the summer, when things started to get tight, I promised her a bike before she started school, thinking that things would surely shape up before then. But no, things are worse, and I am unable to get her that bike. She won't ride mine. So she still walks to school. And makes me feel incredibly guilty. How do kids have that power I mean seriously.
And doing without a car. Again. So many years I have not had a car of my own. And the car we have now, George, is possibly on his last leg, sitting at the shop. We spent $600 on him last month and he still has the same problem he had when he went in there. Where we will get another car, and how, is completely beyond me. Can't get a car without money, without a down payment, and the work to support monthly payments. Not much I can do, so I pray. God has always met our needs, I know He will again, it's like this daily thing, trusting that God will provide. I obviously don't do a very good job of it since stuff like this happens all the time. I hate being self-employed, having your own business. I hate not having a regular paycheck. I hate not knowing how much money is going to be coming in each week. I hate not having health and dental insurance. I have lived this way for almost my whole marriage and I hate it. But when you have 8 children and no car you don't just nip out and snag a job. So I stay at home and make sure no unnecessary monies are blown. Except the cable bill, I really wish we didn't have cable but it's football season and for my husband it's a necessity. We have no tv reception without it. And internet is necessary for MY sanity. I run around turning off lights and fans and jumping on everyone because they left them all on. Again. When I got my first time in my life ever brand new appliances over the summer, the best part was they are ENERGY SAVERS and WATER SAVERS. My washing machine uses 1/3 of the water a reg machine uses. And my old machine was a king size, I know it used more than a regular one. The dryer doesn't have to dry for 3-4 hours to get stuff dry anymore. Our water bill was $100 less last month! I wish we could have sold them, but when Rachel moved out we were able to give her the old washer/dryer set to have in her apartment.
You can pray for us, for work for my husband, and a car.
Thanks for all the support you all are giving me. I believe blogging is also key, keeps you accountable doesn't it. And it's fun! I enjoy reading about other's journeys. Love you all!