Monday, September 6, 2010

Labor Day Stuff

Obsessed. Yes, that's my middle name these days. Obsessed with something OTHER than food. It's that little tab that says 'Stats'. We all have one. It shows how many hits your blog gets, where from, how they got there, oh it's so informative! I am simply stunned by the WHERE:
United States (of course!)
United Kingdom
South Korea!!!!!!
Latvia!?! Where even is that! I had to pull a map out to find it. It's surrounded, incredibly,
by countries I have never even heard of! I feel so brainless!
Bulgaria! BULGARIA????
What--How did they even find me--WHY did they find me?!--Pardon me while I break into song 'It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all!'
Here I am, in my little podunk town smack in the middle of America and people on the other side of the world are reading about my little life. Weird how we all have something in common. We are trying to lose weight! I feel somewhat embarrassed that my horribly unhealthy method of losing weight is being scrutinized by so many, and probably condemned out of hand. Oh, I read plenty of blogs and not one of them eats like I do! All so incredibly healthy and colorful, I wish I wasn't so picky, I really do.
So, yeah, maybe some people came to my blog by accident, I don't know.
We're cooking out today. Marinaded chicken. We are going to try, again, to grill corn on the cob, it's never worked before but I'm determined they will be DONE this time! My daughter Rachel works in a bakery, and brought me two angel food cakes, uniced. I think I might ice one for tomorrow, I have ALWAYS loved that cake with frosting. I remember seeing my Grandmother NOT cutting it, but using a special utensil to serve it, like a huge comb. I don't think I even have one of those. We'll have devilled eggs, too, it'll be nice. And I'll freeze the other. For what I am unsure but the thought of letting that free food go to waste irritates me, so into the freezer it goes!
And the kids are out of school today, so they stayed up SUPER late last night and had friend spend the night. The entire night they were killing each other. On line. Modern Warfare 2. K this is SERIOUS STUFF to them. I personally prefer to kill people in a more fantasy based setting, but to each his own. Yes, of course, I'm talking about World of Warcraft. Did you just get pwned by a mage or hunter in a BG? Just might have been ME! (of course, it could probably have been the other way around....)
Bekah Boo is swinging by on her way back to college, to pick up all the stuff she forgot yesterday. Mmhmm. Calculator, flash stick, backpack, and who knows what else. Oh, and WM sacks for her bathroom trash can. Did I mention the school does not provide toilet paper?! I sure hope it's worth her going to college. I'm not thrilled with all the experiences she is having.
My husband informed me that he has work every day this week except for Labor Day. I about fell over with shock. Of course, with George out of commission for who knows how long, we will be juggling Eli's truck back and forth. I'm so thrilled he'll be out of the house--I mean working this week! Men just get so depressed and discouraged when they don't have work. You know? They identify so closely with what they do. All I have to do is tell women that I have 8 kids and they're ready to put me on a pedestal. When they find out I homeschooled for 10 years AND birthed 5 of them at home with a midwife they're ready to sacrifice small animals before me.
Yesterday's Menu:
Cocoa puffs, juice
two tostadas, one can of root beer which tasted so good I swear
half moonpie yummmmmmmmm heated up in the microwave it is heaven on earth
one tostada
couple bites of mac and cheese
Hey, I had to save some calories for chocolate cake! Yes, I made a dark, moist, luscious chocolate cake because I was craving some intense chocolate. And I had a piece. I made room in my calorie allotment for it because I seriously will die without chocolate. I will have another piece tomorrow. You have to go with the flow my friends. I learned that, early on. When you're craving something it's best to just have it, get it out of your system. You don't have to eat a ton of it. A modest portion works. Because if you don't. If you're like me. You will see that craving as a bad thing to be fought and conquered, and when inevitably you give in, you hate yourself all the more for being so weak. So eat it I say. And smell it. We don't smell food. Food smells so good. I ate my cake slowly, savoring each bite. Once it goes down the throat you can't taste it anymore. Everyone else had a piece, then I covered it with foil and hid it. Because the boys are having a sleepover and if I don't hide it those rotten boys will eat it all! For some reason, the cake is even better the next day. I'm a good cook.
This battle that I am fighting, it's a forever thing. It would be so great if I could make one decision that lasts forever, but I find it's a daily, no, almost moment by moment decision to eat less, move more, take a walk. Each day a new day. Not giving up is so key. And how you talk to yourself is so key. You will do this, you must do this, you CAN say no to *insert unnecessary food here* because you've done it before, you can eat it later. You get to a point in your life where you just don't want to be fat anymore. And you can give up, get depressed and discouraged, basically lose your life. Like I did. Or you can say 'Okay' and start today making the changes necessary for weight loss. What, you can take a walk. My first walks were agony! I had to constantly stop to catch my breath, my feet hurt, when I would get home my face would be all red puffy and sweaty and I would collapse on my bed for a good period of time. But it gets better. Make sure you get a good pair of shoes, you'll be so glad you did. Fill your plate at supper time, then eat half. Make your lunch, and eat half. Eating half is a good start. Oh and eat breakfast. Soon you'll graduate to counting calories, drinking out of measuring cups (now don't pretend you have never done that!) reading labels and refusing to eat anything that doesn't taste good. Why waste calories? Make them count! It's a new way of life, a good way of life.
Someone wrote me about how they can't have certain foods in the house, they would go nuts on it. Well for heaven's sakes don't have it in the house then! My first months, there were no chips whatsoever, and I didn't bake at all. I gradually got to where those things didn't matter anymore, I could trust myself.

I love being smaller.
I love always using the small stalls in public places without even thinking about it.
I love wearing pants with zippers.
I wear shorts in public for the first time in years.
I love being able to sit anywhere I please, even on wicker chairs. It's incredible!
I love having my seat belts lay properly on my chest instead of up around my neck.
I love having seat belts that actually click!
I love my clean, white bed, with the sheets that smell so good, and no depression on my side of the bed anymore.
I love rolling over in bed and the bed doesn't even move.
I love running up the stairs.
I love moon pies. Wait, how did that get in there!
I love having brand new appliances for the first time in my married life. I LOVE MY SERVANTS. Thats what they are you know.
I love having confidence in myself.
I love that I am strong in my heart and mind.
I love that my weight loss has made my marriage better, and not worse.
I love how I vacuumed the entire house Friday, even the stairs with this cool attachment that has a whirling brush on it, it was so fun, and I wasn't even tired at the end.
I love that I have already achieved some goals that I didn't think would happen til I hit the magical 150 pounds.
I love that I started this blog, and met so many awesome people, and found an entire community of folks who care about each other's journey.

And I also don't like some things.
I don't like how my stomach is still freakishly large.
I don't like that my daughters are threatened by my weight loss.
I don't like that some people are jealous of my success, and it has affected our friendship.
I don't like that it is taking longer than I thought to lose all the weight.
I don't like that I gained over the summer. I mean not even maintained! Whats with that!
I don't like the fact that there is no gym anywhere near here, but I wouldn't have the money to join one if there was. I know there is an aerobics/weights class twice a week at the methodist church but its $40 a month. I don't like that I can't do that.
I don't like not having a car.
I don't like the halloween candy that is already out! Staring me in the face everytime I go to the store. Thankfully I don't have a problem with halloween candy. It's those cadbury mini eggs that get me everytime at Easter.

I wish I'd done this sooner.
I wish I hadn't let myself get so hideously huge.
I wish I had a life that has nothing to do with kids and housework and being tied to the house.
I wish I wasn't scared to be alone during the day when everyone is gone.
I wish Ninja Cobra was still alive.
Oh who am I kidding, I wish my Mother were still alive. I know everything would be different if she would, who knows if I would have lost the weight.
I wish she could see me. She always worried about me.
I wish my Dad wouldn't lay these guilt trips on me that make me avoid talking to him. He won't be around forever, I should just grin and bear it but I don't.
I wish food didn't have calories.
I wish food wasn't the most important thing in my life.

Sorry to end on a gloomy note, it's what was on my heart.
Thanks to all who take the time to read this. Incredible that anyone does.
Have a question? Want to tell me how horrible I am and what wrong foods I eat? Send me an email, I'm responding to them, and enjoying the love and good wishes sent to me.
Yall be good now. Make wise choices!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. I just caught up on your last few's so good to see you posting so regularly...I love it!!! I don't think there's a single thing wrong w/ the way you're losing your weight. I think it's fantastic..I really do. You're doing an excellent job at portion control! Half a moon pie??? What restraint!! lol Good for you Zaa...I've been enjoying watching your success for over a year's always a pleasure. :)

  2. Wow, that was a humdinger of a post.

    And all those foreign countries... those were all me. I've been traveling a bit. ;)