So every single time I hit WalMart I go look at the clothes! Everything is on sale and I'm getting shirts for $3 apiece. And they are extra large and I just take them off the rack and buy them and try them on AT HOME and they fit, they fit every single time!!!!! Who would have believed it! And those size 24 pants I bought, it's like they are too big. Not fall off big, but just big. Okay I so did NOT type that with a whine because it's incredible what is going on with my clothing situation. I have so far bagged up 2 1/2 trash bags worth of clothes that are too big for me. I'm taking them to goodwill. No worries, I threw away the underwear. And my horrid red circus tent coat will benefit someone who really needs it and I hope she really likes it because I hate it and what it represents to me. I will never ever wear those horrid shirts and elastic waist pants and capris ever again! All stretched out and stained and really, I can't believe I wore this stuff. How I had deceived myself! What a tragic life I led! How thankful I am that I said 'okay' when God said 'Let's do this today'. And I was so determined, bravely walking on sore feet, stopping for breath every block or so, religiously counting calories and telling everyone else how many calories were in what THEY were eating and actually saying NO to extra helpings and learning to eat whenever I was hungry which is so contrary to diets but if I keep myself topped up then I won't gorge on anything, it's perfect really. Everything is different, and people see the outside is changing and have no idea what is going on inside my soul. I told my husband last night about how great it is that everything is different in my life from a year ago and he said he didn't think I was much different. Wha-? Am I expecting too much from him? I did not let myself resent him or get irritated because our marriage is one of the things that is different--we are both moving towards each other and he has plenty of time (hopefully) to get to know me again.
Weigh Day came and went last Friday and for the life of me I don't remember how much I weighed. In the scheme of things that was low man on the totem pole. I'll weigh again Friday. Someday I'll get my own scale!
I went up to my sister's Saturday. She had a women's luncheon at her church and I took the girls and we had a nice time. The best part--oh I will never forget--the women that I went on the retreat in October with were there. And they did not recognize me! And I remember thinking how much thinner they were than me but guess what now I am thinner than them! One of them told me she was jealous TWO TIMES, and 3 asked me in lowered urgent voices what my secret was! And I told them and you can just see the the blinds come down on their faces. They do NOT want to hear it. And I feel so little driving my suburban! And at my Dad's I went up and down the stairs no problem, not preTENDING like I could, and I went through several boxes of my Mother's books (miss you Mom) and there was bending and stooping and let me tell you this, I felt strong and vibrant and lovely and I was picking up boxes and felt so strong! Carrying them to a chair, setting the box on the floor before me and actually being able to easily lean down to go through the books. It is all just so incredible to me that this is my life right now.
I can actually walk THROUGH THE HOUSE AND UP THE STAIRS and nobody hears me. I can get into and out of bed without making a sound! (My husband is one of those horrid people that you can never wake up for the slightest reason because they get so stinking angry I just totally hate that about him but after being married to him for 28 years I know he ain't gonna change so I just have to adjust to it, hence the uber quietness in my OWN FREAKING BEDROOM) Last night I sat in the back seat of a van in the middle with friends on either side of that bench and I haven't done that in years, in fact, I can't remember ever doing that. I always got the front seat because I was just flat out too big. Seat belts fit me in every car/truck I ride in. Went out yesterday to lunch and ate 1/3 of my quesadilla and brought the rest home for my husband. And drank water. And had a total of 10 chips with their dip. (Mexican restaurant) And then later I had 1/4 of a small chocolate malt with extra malt and half the order of mozz sticks (2 1/2) and gave the rest to my husband. How fun it was to be able to just eat and enjoy and not make myself sick stuffing myself like a pig! There was this woman at lunch who said 'I am SO hungry I am just going to let myself go today. I have been dieting for 3 weeks and lost 10 pounds'. She has been eating 600 calories a day. You read that right. SIX HUNDRED. Well dang I would be starving to death too if I ate that little! And man she did eat a whole lot. I did not offer any of my insights in weight loss because
- she didn't ask. I hate when people offer advice that I don't ask for and then they get offended because you don't follow their advice don't you?
- I guess mostly because she didn't ask. When I started this I thought I would have plenty of reasons and I could do bullets because I love them so but I don't. Ah well.
A Most Blinded and Loyal Follower Helplessly Enthralled by Your Charm and Wit
Well! I could just read emails like that all day! To answer I must take you back, baaaaaack I say, ten months ago, when Zaa first took those trembling steps into bloghood. I started blogging on SparkPeople--which is a nice site and really got me up and going but I kind of outgrew it--and I did not want anybody there knowing who I was. You hear about these cyber stalkers and they're creepy and all so I just went the anonymous route. For my cyber name I chose the name of my character on World of Warcraft--Zaa, level 80 troll mage. I always signed my ingame mail 'Zaababy' so that's what I did for my user name. Then when I made the bold move to blogspot I kept it, mostly because I transferred all my posts from SP to here and I am lazy and didn't want to have to go through and change stuff and I didn't think anyone would ever read what I write. So fast forward and here we are! I've been doing this long enough. I am almost ready to let you all in on my real name. Almost. I have decided that my real name will be revealed on May 19th, my one year anniversary. I know you are all panting in anticipation.
I have been looking back over my posts and there is a marked decrease in them during late fall/early winter and I tried to figure out why. And I did figure out why! It was the sameness, the daily exercise and counting calories and there were tiny changes, and big ones every now and then, but nothing else that I felt was interesting enough to write about. And now the changes and new things are coming on quickly, one after the other, some big, some small. What can I say, I felt things were just so boring and mundane.
Of course, now they are the opposite. Well, to ME they are interesting.
Happy St. Patrick's Eve everyone. Remember, we're all Irish on St. Paddy's Day, so wear something green! I'll be making a fun meal tomorrow for the kids but don't ever put green food coloring in milk because the kids think it's cool but they won't drink it.
Hugs to you all, and thank you for the kind, encouraging words and emails. You all are the best!
For some reason I can't fix the font size, so sorry about that.