Day 282--Weigh Day and Much Aimless Ramblings

Ever since I started on this journey, I wanted my girls to see how easy it is to lose weight. They did the old starvation thing--you know, skip breakfast, skip lunch, eat dinner. Of course, they totally pigged out when they 'let' themselves eat. They never lost weight. And then they decided that oh, if I exercise a whole lot then I'll lose weight so they did that. And it didn't work.
Waaaaaaaait a minute, Mom has lost a ton of weight and looks great, her way MUST work. So here we all are, counting calories, checking portion sizes, weighing our food. We still eat exactly what we always have. Just less. When Bekah was making her first lunch to take to school, we carefully measured and calculated everything, and she freaked when she saw 1T of miracle whip was 40 calories. That'll never be enough! But oh surprise, it was the perfect amount. And an ounce of chips is a nice portion. So they are all weighing at the clinic tomorrow morning. I really need to get a scale of my own!
I am wearing an old pair of size 26 black jeans. How I wish with all my heart that they were monstrously huge on me but nope. Almost crushing to lose so much weight yet I still can wear the largest size WalMart carries! And I'm losing weight different than I gained. I still have a lot around the middle and that is what is keeping me in the big sizes.
So much ice and snow here, it's incredible! I am so scared I will slip and fall on the ice so I haven't been walking at all except my brave forays to pick up my daughter at school on warmer melty days.
Everytime I weigh I am surprised that the numbers keep going down. Unbelievable!
Running up and down the stairs? I do it all the time now. It's so slow to walk them! And to think I used to baby step up and down those stairs if I even used them at all! I can even pass a kid on the stairs. Used to be if Mom was on the stairs you waited until I got up or down and THEN you could use them.
I actually went down on one knee to fish something off a bottom shelf at the store. Not home where I could safely discover if that maneuver was even possible! No, I couldn't reach the oyster crackers and swoop! down I went and then saw some guy behind me in the aisle and after I had the crackers just stood up again. Without getting up my normal way which is get on all fours first. Just stood up. I still can't believe that even happened. I have to constantly remind myself that I can do normal things now.
The McDonald's in the next town remodeled, and for the bathroom, to make the wheelchair stall, they just moved one wall over a bit. That made the OTHER stall big enough for a small child. One time, I went in there and someone was in the wheelchair stall. I looked at the other door and thought um I don't know if I'll even fit through the door. So then I tried to get into the stall and there was no way I mean there was just no way I was even going to get in there. And if I managed to force my way in I would be trapped!!!! Forever!!! No way could I go under that door. I just left and didn't use the bathroom. So last month my daughter and I had lunch there and I went into the bathroom and I USED THAT STALL. Oh yeah I sure did, walked in with no problems and I still can't believe it. This all seriously blows my mind.
I really enjoy getting dressed. My shirts are all big on me and I look completely different in them. These black jeans? They are so long!! They never used to be. And my shirts are so long! And stretched out in the middle. I actually layer shirts! It's so cold here! I used to be hot all the time. I wear a tank, then a tshirt, then a long sleeved sweater or something. And it doesn't look bulky or weird. I NEVER layered anything like that, it always made me look even worse than I already did.
I color my hair now. Boy I really deceived myself before that my hair was an unusual color. It was GRAY. No getting around it. Now it's brown. Kind of a reddish brown.
I dont' have to have anyone buckle me in my son's truck. Yes, I couldn't do it myself. And then when it was FINALLY snapped it was so tight I thought I was gonna die. Well not anymore. I do it myself and have plenty of room to spare. AND I just noticed this--the seat belt is slanted across my chest now, not my neck. It used to always go across my freaking neck and I had to always pull it down!!! How awful!
We were looking at old pics on facebook and up pops a family photo taken 2 summers ago. To put it kindly, I was a behemoth. I cannot believe how different I look now. I really deceived myself back then about a lot of things.
I look forward to each day with joy. I know I can eat what I like and still lose weight. No pills, no surgery, no expensive stupid program that somebody else decided was the ONLY way to lose weight. My daughter has a friend who had the surgery and lost all the weight and now she's gaining it back! She's gained 30 pounds so far. How awful! You go through all that and then get fat again! She never learned how to eat. This woman down the street can only have 1 cup of food per meal and no water for an hour after. I saw her in the grocery store and she had her lapband before I started losing and she has lost less than me!!!! I thought it would just MELT off of her but oh no, she was actually apologetic about how little she had lost. I felt so sorry for her. I wish I had little cards made up with my website on it that I could just hand it to people. People NEED to know you don't have to do weird things to lose weight just eat less! They have to be told that losing weight doesn't have to involve fat free foods and sugar substitutes and turkey bacon/burgers and chicken breasts!
How my world has changed since last May! OH I am a chaperone for my daughter's choir class when they go to World's of Fun (a big amusement park). I am actually going to be able to fit in the rides!!!!!! It has been so very many years since I did anything like this and I am so excited!
I took a pic of my daughter and I when we colored each other's hair and sent it to my sister. She did not know who I was! She said my arm looked so thin. And I looked at the pic and she's right! It doesn't even look like my arm! Oh and when I cross my toes I can kind of brush my middle toe with my big toe. Okay don't think I'm weird, my toes had gotten really fat and it was very difficult to cross them. I'm just excited that they are skinnier.
For some reason my right knee and my left foot hurts and I don't know why.
Tomorrow my hubby and I are doing our Valentine's Day thing. We're going to a HUGE antique/flea market store and then eating out for dinner. I thought about going to a movie but I don't even watch television. I don't know what movies are even out! It is going to be super fun because I will be able to walk around that place for several hours and it won't bother me! I won't be tired!
How wonderful it is that my weight does not control my life anymore! My size determined where I could sit, what I could eat in front of other people, what I could wear, how I felt about myself--everything. I enjoy the differences in my life so much, the little and the big. Like trying on my rings daily to see when certain ones will fit and seeing them move further and further down my finger. And how necklaces look good on me now, they used to look just plain stupid and too small. I sit in booths and there's so much space between me and the table now contrasting to when I would be jammed in and my HUGE breasts would be WAYYYY over the table. Awful.
Oh and people who know me talk to me about their weight and how hard it is to lose and make excuses. To me! I tell them what I do but I swear it goes right over their heads. What is it about the words 'Just Eat Less' that shuts people down?
You know someday I'm gonna be in People Magazine with a bunch of other 'People who lost weight without pills or surgery!' I love that I belong to this cool club.
I haven't talked to my friend down the street for a bit--the one I used to walk with, the real negative one?--and she called and we chatted today and she FREAKED when I told her I'd lost 80 pounds. She just could NOT believe it. I said please don't be weird around me because I've lost all this weight. She said she wouldn't but time will tell. I know I have always been weird about friends/family losing weight because it really showed up how much I weighed and I felt so helpless to lose it and it all just made me feel more guilty so I wouldn't even go around them.
I want to encourage anyone reading this to forget what everybody else does to lose weight, what they eat, how they exercise. What do YOU like? What foods do you eat every single day? Don't change a thing except for how much. Start weighing and measuring and portioning your food. Eat several times a day, not just 3 times with a snack. Don't let yourself get hungry or you'll overeat. Do you like to swim? Or ride bikes? Walking is perfect for anyone. That is what is wonderful about Sean's way to lose weight (http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/). You tailor it to fit your own life. You don't have somebody else telling you what you can and can't eat.
I'm attempting to make meatballs tonight for supper. I have not had much success making meatballs in the past. Cross your fingers that they turn out well! (Or your toes)
Good luck in all you do my fellow weight loss superheroes. And never give up, ever!