Day 238--I hope you've missed me I've been sick!

It's been a whopping two weeks since I last posted but I've been horribly ill. Last Monday I caught a very very bad cold that my son had. Then Wednesday we went to my Grandfather's funeral where I had most gratifying reactions to the new me. By the next day, my voice had started to go. Which the kids thought was soooooooooooo funny. Pretty much the last week I've been in bed, drooping around and moping. I'm so glad my daughter was here to run things for me. I'm on the upswing but boy is it slow recovery for some reason. Is this my age showing?!
Did not weigh last week or this week because the clinic where I weigh has been closed. I really wish I had my own scale. I did weigh myself at my Dad's last week and for some reason weighed 9 pounds less on his. I LIKE HIS SCALE. I'm kind of freaked because I know I've had more calories than 1500, but I have had a lot of juice. Maybe that's oldschool of me, but I think when you're sick you should drink juice and have lots of hot soup and rest. My poor nephews came over Saturday and I know they had a great time but I didn't cook or anything like I normally do. These last days have been kind of a blur. I hate being sick over Christmas!!!!
My husband's birthday is Saturday and it's also the last day my son will be in town before he heads back to New Mexico. So I'm making FOUR LASAGNAS for the amount of friends of Ben's that are coming. FOUR. And boy I hope that's enough.
I feel like I've done well with my eating this Christmas. I'm glad nothing is off limits, so I was able to have a cookie or a piece of candy here and there with no guilt at all.
No walking with the weather though. Last week it rained, then it iced, then it snowed, we woke up on Christmas day to snow! It was just like in the movies. I've toyed with running up and down the stairs but there's always like 10 people in the living room. Well and I'm sick too and really don't care.
Last Sunday my Grandfather passed away. The kids had finals on the day of his funeral, so I called the school and the kids took them all the day before. Talk about freaked out! They couldn't believe I did that. Why this is funny I don't know.
So then at the funeral my brother and his wife noticed I had lost weight. I must have looked like a big fat cow before. People are just so surprised that I look nice. I don't ever ever ever want to look like that again, and I don't want to BE the person that looks like that either. I would have to stop caring. I totally hate the way I was before. But gee even though nobody is ever hurtful or unkind the inside of my heart cringes. It's like I'm embarrassed that I got that heavy. I don't want people to know how much I weighed then or now. I just want to not have my weight even be a factor in my life.
So tonight, at home for the Big New Year's Eve Shindig I throw every year, there is:

• my littlest daughter
• my husband
• me
• two dogs and 3 cats

Shocking I know. Normally there's tons here but they're all up north tonight. Three are at a huge joint church lockin thing, and the other four are probably getting smashed at their own party. I hate that they drink, I really do. It seems to be such an accustomed thing in society but I feel it's wrong. I rarely drink myself. I did have one last summer at my brother's pool. Man did I feel that or what! I don't remember what it was called. Apple something?
Tonight I made biscuits and gravy. Three biscuits was 150 calories. I had one with butter and jelly and the other two with sausage gravy yummmmm. I had planned on having some chips and dip while watching a movie tonight. Now that everyone's gone and I can pick the movie I wonder what it will be. I've never seen the new Star Trek. OH Saturday night we all watched District 9 MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN THAT WAS A GOOD MOVIE. I totally thought wrong about everything (I must be weird or something, everybody else knew what was going on the whole time) and I was on the edge of my seat. Everybody else watched that Basterd movie with Brad Pitt but I didn't.
Oh how did I forget: my son got the whole family a flat screen 32" tv for Christmas! I have had the honor of turning it on and off once. The kids have been camped on it since! So tonight is the first night I really get to mess with it.
Oh and I know my littlest will sleep with us tonight. There is nobody else here and there is no way in heaven she will sleep upstairs by herself. Especially because everyone's been playing Left 4 Dead and she's scared of zombies now. Like seriously. Zombies. No way could that stuff ever happen. Like when my son was scared of wolves and thought they would jump THROUGH THE SECOND STORY WINDOW and eat him so he slept UNDER HIS BROTHER'S BED for weeks. Thinking logically, he felt the wolves would eat his brother and not even notice him cringing and cowering under the bed. Sad that everyone's growing up. I miss the little ones.
No weigh day til next week. I really don't care about that either. I'm glad that the numbers themselves are not important. Sometimes I feel half crazed with the freedom of losing weight in this way. I always felt it would be so strict, filled with deprivation and longings. I don't feel like I'm suffering enough to lose weight. It doesn't even feel like a diet. I still eat everything everybody else does, just smaller amounts.
I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas, and Happy New Year! Hugs!