Day 106--more blathering on running and food and snoring but it's all clever so read it

Good days. Very cool and breezy. The humidity has hit the high road. For the moment. I've been incorporating running into every evening walk now. Now, it's not running like you see OTHER people running. I'll walk for about 5 minutes, then I am at the school. Which is deserted (I really really really hope that there is nobody in there). And I'll run from one no parking sign to the next. And oh the gasping for air, the lungs on fire, the heaving and panting that occurs! So about 5 sprints, I would say? And then I sit on some stairs because my legs are all weak and trembly and dang they also hurt. I finish the rest of my walk with shaky legs. And did I mention that my legs are super sore? The fronts of my thighs and my shins. They'll hurt all night and when I wake up in the morning I'm fine. Now is that weird or what? I hope that it's okay that I'm doing this. I am not going around asking people's opinions on whether I should start running or not. I figure if I CAN run, then I SHOULD. Does that make sense?
One good thing: I don't walk with my friend anymore. Now that I am a runner (does that look cool in print or what!) I don't want to just walk, and she does, so that solves my problem! I was really worried about how I could 'break up' with her so to speak from our evening walks. I am just so tired of the non supportive attitude and words from her.
I've had 4 meals where I ate out in the past week. Twice at Taco Bell, once at McDonald's and once at a truck stop up the highway that has the BEST FOOD IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. So of course I am freaking out when those moments happen because I'm afraid I will morph into this huge pig and eat eat eat. Then I calmly tell myself to mellow out and just count the dang calories and deal. So I can proudly say I haven't gone over 1500 calories all week. I am a bit scared, yes scared, to go into the evening with not many calories. I shouldn't feel that way, now that I go to bed at 9. I have to learn sometime how to eat out. I have my trusty little calorie book with me that I got at WalMart so I'm pretty much good to go. It's so odd only drinking water instead of having a Dr. Pepper or Root Beer. I refuse to blow my calories on that stuff.
I made no bake cookies yesterday and was completely drooling to have one and I did and then forgot all about them. Is that weird or what? It hit this spot inside me and then I moved on. So I guess I have discovered something. When I get an intense craving for something, like chocolate or pizza or whatever, go ahead and eat it and count the calories into my day. I am eating no where near the amounts that I used to. Funny how one cookie satisfies fully and I used to eat several and never felt satisfied.
I think that's why people don't want to eat less, they're afraid it won't be enough. Like me! I fix my plate for dinner and I look at it and inside I think 'There is no way on earth this is going to be enough food because I am super starving and I am going to go over my calories I know!'. And then I eat it and I can't even finish it because I'm full. Every time. My mind and body are not in sync yet!
I haven't goofed up yet. But someday I will. I mean come on, I am not perfect. I need to get over my fear that one mistake is going to make me regain all the weight I lost. I need to just never stop, never give up.
Last night I didn't sleep well because of my aching legs so I was grumpy this morning. Which never happens. But dangit it was my turn! Everybody else is grumpy all the time and I am the cheerful one.
I got dressed this morning in a shirt I've worn for years. It's one I can wear with a skirt and look dressy or jeans and look casual. And I just flat out look different in it! My hips are not as wide and the shirt fits so different. I am starting to be quite the mirror junkie. I can't get enough of looking at my new self. Through many difficult mathematical processes I discovered that I am 1/5 of the way through my journey. I look so different already. What am I going to look like with 80 pounds lost? 120? My next big goal is to get below 300. I haven't been below 300 in over 10 years. I'm hoping that by the end of September I will have hit that goal. I'm going on a women's retreat with my sister the first weekend of October and I am so nervous. I really had hoped I would be a lot slenderer. There is nothing worse than not fitting places. We're going on a bus. Zaababy does not fit into bus seats. There will be restaurants and sharing a room with 3 other ladies and it just freaks me out. My fat is always right out there in everyone's faces. I don't want it to be that way anymore! I want to sleep on a bed and only take up my half and not spread onto the other half. I want to sit in a chair at a restaurant and the person sitting behind me has plenty of room and isn't jammed against their table because I'm so huge. I want to throw on a swimsuit and grab a towel and swim or sit in a hot tub (I have never in my life sat in a hot tub) and not worry that everyone is thinking how whale like I look. I need to be happy and thankful for what I have lost so far and stop being so critical of myself. At least one good thing. I don't snore anymore. It used to be so INCREDIBLY HORRIBLE. That is the thing about my weight that believe it or not bothers me the most. The snoring. The incredibly loud, obnoxious snoring. My kids have said they could tape it so I could hear it but I said no I do NOT want to hear what I sound like. I mean come on, I can't stop it so why torture myself? It's bad enough that the kids can hear me UP THE STAIRS IN THEIR BEDROOMS. That my husband would leave our bed and go sleep somewhere else because he couldn't sleep. Snoring like that is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in a long time. How can people be mad at you for something you aren't even aware you are doing? My husband snores and I just reach over and jiggle him and he turns over. So yay for Zaababy, the snoring is now history. And the women I will be rooming with don't even realise how lucky they are.
I am making everybody in the family take vitamins daily now. The kids have flintstone ones and my hubby has some men's health one I got at WalMart. And I didn't know this, but adults can take flintstone vitamins too! Weird. They had gummy ones but that sounded incredibly gross.
Chewables it is.
So that's about it for me. Life is good and I have much to be thankful for. I weigh on Friday.
Be good fellow weight loss superheroes!