Day 95--Weigh Day and I Completely Missed my 3 month anniversary and coming out of the closet

Walked my daughter to school, then headed up to the clinic to weigh. I have lost 5 more pounds bringing my total to 41 pounds lost! I didn't have my blood pressure taken, they were overflowing with patients.
And how in the world did I forget that Wednesday, August 19th, was my 3 month anniversary for completely overhauling my life? May 19th was my 'click' day. My decision to lost 200 pounds was the best thing I ever did. Ever. At the time, it seemed almost impossible, but look, only 3 months in and I'm down 41 pounds! Suddenly the world is such a perfect place. Some words from when I was a baby: Day 10:

Exciting, yes? Everyone says this is what you are supposed to do, journal while you lose weight, so I am succumbing to peer pressure and adding my own ramblings to the plethora of weightloss blogs out in the cosmos.
Tonight I walked with my buddy down the street. Had to pause 3 times to catch our breath! So glad she is willing to go with me, I'd hate to have to go alone.
I really have no way to judge how many calories I am eating right now. I guess I'll have to figure that out soon, right? So far I am attempting to eat when I am truly hungry and limit my portions. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. There are just days when nothing satisfies, you know?
I know this: I never ever want to go back to the depression and discouragement that was my life before now. I had just basically given up. I know I needed to lose weight; I'm 47, and it is only going to get worse, but the sense of failure was so strong. I have tried off and on through the years but when I would mess up ONE TIME well, that was it, I was a failure, I knew I could never lose weight, and it was all over.
So my first two big goals are thus: to walk everyday, and to not give up. NEVER GIVE UP NEVER SURRENDER!

When I go back and read those first posts, it's like reading someone else's story. I have come a long way since then. Where will I end up? My life changes daily. You know what I did yesterday?

• walked my daughter to school, then did my 2.5 miles. Walking in the morning is so lovely
• walked and picked her up
• walked 2.5 miles in the evening as usual.

I WALKED FIVE (5) MILES YESTERDAY. Absolutely mind boggling. Me! Walking 5 miles! And I enjoyed it. I really did. Which is just as mind boggling! Who would have figured that I would even be physically capable of this!
You know what I would have done if I hadn't changed my life?

• Had my older kids walk with my daughter to and from school
• gone out to eat to celebrate the first day of school
• sat at the computer and ate whatever whenever I felt like it
• completely and totally hated myself for being so fat and getting fatter everyday

I will take my new life over my old life HANDS DOWN.
So you found my blog? And you are reading it and enjoying it? Well let me tell you this: the hope of being thin and lovely is there for you too. You are not stuck, doomed, a prisoner in your body. You CAN lose weight. You can walk. You can count calories. Because if I can do this, you can too. I have not been under 200 pounds in 20 years, 300 in 10 years. I have gotten bigger and slower and sadder and more depressed as the years went by, and now. Now I am reversing it all by eating 1500 calories a day and walking. This is so doable! I know a lot of people eat super healthy foods and I am very happy for them but I eat exactly what I want. It's just portion controlled. And you can too! I just had to type all that.
Tonight I'm making tacos. There's a big Jamboree tonight at the football stadium. Three games in a row. Some of my kids are going, others aren't.
I did something today I haven't done in a long time. After I got home this morning I WENT BACK TO BED. Yes. I slept all day. Shhh don't tell my husband! I was just so tired you know? Last night when I walked I was just so mad at everyone, for various reasons. I walked by myself and thought about how much I hated everyone (not really but that was just how I felt) and how angry I was with them all for stupid things. And you know what? When I was done I wasn't angry anymore. Okay this has never happened to me. I knew exercise helped your mood but this was the first time. And now that I am physically capable of exercise I have something to turn to when I want to strangle each and every one of my kids and husband. Please don't think I would really do that because I wouldn't. It's just a saying so don't report Zaa to the division of family services.
My oldest son wanted to know my blog address and I was a bit freaked to give him the address because I am so freaking embarrassed about my weight! None of my family knows how much my starting weight was or how much it is now or anything about my blog. Until today. I have come out of the closet. So to all who come read my blog /wave and don't judge me.