Did I mention the kids are in school today? *dances around the house* What heavenly bliss! It's so quiet and peaceful and I can actually DO stuff without interruption. And something else. Normally, when the kids are in school, I head out to do shopping and always go out to eat. Always. It's MY time, when I have a book and read and eat and enjoy myself immensely. That's just not how I operate anymore. A trip to McDonald's is going to be extremely rare. In fact, I have eaten there twice since May 19th, the second time was yesterday. I was out last minute school shopping with my daughter and she wanted to get a McChicken. We went in and I had my trusty book and decided that I would eat too. I had a double cheeseburger and a small fry. I have never in my life spent so little at McDonald's! It was 670 calories and I enjoyed it but it's not something I will do again for a long time.
So I'm being Suzy Homemaker today. I already have dinner planned. BBQ chicken, scalloped potatoes, banana nut muffins, fresh sliced tomatoes and cantaloupe. Mmmmmm. And I know the kids are going to be starving when they get home, they always are. The OLD Zaa would have something chocolate and high calorie for them but now? I have no idea.
I read the most horrible book. It's called The Other Me and basically it's a woman watching her sister die of MORBID OBESITY. Yes, she actually died because of her weight. She was 5 feet tall and weighed 550 pounds. I felt such revulsion reading it. But it was one of those that you can't put down. I'm not putting it under my Book list because it was really awful. I think it's because that could have been me. I was so afraid that I would get fatter and fatter as life went on and I was filled with horror but felt helpless, trapped, doomed. It's nothing short of a miracle that I am even sitting here, typing for this weightloss blog, walking and eating so little and having the time of my life! I want so to tell others how incredibly easy it is to lose weight but of course, nobody is going to just walk up to me and ask me to teach them! And I can't walk up to them and say 'Hey, you're fat and I used to be fat and here let me show you how to lose weight!' My whole life I have known that to lose weight you have to eat less and exercise more. I never wanted to do it that way because who wants to lose 1-2 pounds a week when you have so much to lose? I wanted quick huge losses or you can forget it! And none of that exercise stuff for me please. And why in the world should I deprive myself of the foods I love? I don't think anything would have changed my mind until I was ready to have it changed.
I weigh tomorrow. Yes I'm kind of dreading it. I don't know why. I haven't had a loss smaller than 5 pounds. And you know I weigh every two weeks. I'm sure it will happen. It does to others. I think I have always associated the scale with negativity. I have always hated the numbers that appeared since I felt I couldn't do anything about it. Maybe in time my feelings will change. I toy with getting my own scale once I get below 300 but that freaks me out to have one in my own home! I'm afraid I would hop on it every time I turned around.
We've had several rainy days in a row and right now it is 66 degrees. It was lovely walking in the cool morning instead of the hot muggy evening! I am anxious for autumn to arrive! It's my favorite season, and not just because my birthday is in October! I love the smell of leaves burning, and the beautifully colored trees and flowers. I also think I love it because I could start covering up my body from other's view. Summer is not friendly for overweight people. All that exposed flesh! Weird to think I'm done with that forever. Next summer is going to be very different from this summer. I'm also anxious to try on a coat.
**********More Signs that Zaa is Losing*********
- At McDonald's yesterday I fit into the booth with room to spare and I ALMOST CRIED RIGHT THERE. Yes this is working and working well and I am joyous. Every day I wake up and even if I have cruddy things in my life I have this joy that gives me a smile. I am losing weight.
- I can buckle the seat belt in my son's truck without having someone help me and then feeling like I am going to explode it's so freaking tight! Not anymore baby!
- I actually RAN UP THE STAIRS last night. Me. Running. Up the STAIRS! Oh, and hold onto your horses, I also went very quickly DOWN the stairs (it can't be classified as a run because I'm always afraid I'll fall down the stairs and hold onto stuff but still) It's unbelievable! I used to crawl up the stairs. Yes, bent over and going up with my hands and feet. I couldn't do it any other way! At church it was agony to pretend to be just like everyone else and go up and down stairs normally. This is one of those things that make me hug myself.
- When I was walking this morning and holding my daughter's hand we both fit on the sidewalk. Side by side. I have never walked with one of my children side by side on a sidewalk.
- I have this plaid flannel shirt that I have never ever been able to button but I would always use it as an overshirt, with the sleeves rolled up because I couldn't button the cuffs. Well not anymore! I not only can button it I can pull the front farther and I can button the cuffs! It actually looks like it's too big! Can you imagine?
So this whole week has centered around getting all the kids ready for today. I have 5 in school this year. That's a lot of stuff to have organized! But it's fun, I love it. The school used to start at 8:30 but this year they changed it to 8:10 and boy has it rocked our world! Now we have to get up at 6:30. I know I know life is hard but come on! Now I have to go to bed early so I can get up with the kids. Yes, pity me!
I think that about does it. Oh, I got a blog award thing! Took me a while to figure out how to show it. Do people just make that up? Or is that something that has been going on for a while?
You all be good. Big Zaababy hugs to you!