Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Day 78--Ninja Cobra and more lists

Another long hot sweaty day ending in a long hot sweaty walk. I still need that break in the middle, when we sit on a bench on Main Street. But someday I won't.
Overall another good day in a long string of good days. Sometimes I can't believe that this is me doing all this. That inside of me is the strength and determination to actually DO SOMETHING about my weight. And why did it take so long for that something to click inside me? I keep reading all these wonderful blogs and folks are losing so much weight and they're at the end of their journey and I'm in the 'during' part of it all. It's hard to be patient. It's hard to keep saying 'I can't do this or that but I will be able to next summer!' I feel like my life is on hold until I lose a lot of this weight. There are so many things I physically cannot do and there are things I just don't do--because of my weight. Being fat has shaped my life for far too long.
My poor Ninja Cobra is at the vet overnight! He's been attacked 3 times in the past month by animals and always on his back by his tail. And each time an abcess would form and burst (ewww). Well this time I took him to the vet because he is really sick. His temperature was 105 and I don't know their normal one but that is high! So she said she would lance the abcess (ewww), flush the wound and start him on antibiotics. And that flush the wound thing? That sounds so nice doesn't it? Well it's horrible and quite deceiving! You take a humongous syringe with no needle, suck up betadine solution, then jam the syringe into the wound and plunge it all in. Of course, the cat is going insane with pain at that moment. I am so glad I was not there when they were working on him! Poor baby, I hope he gets better. I'm kind of scared he's going to die.
I haven't done this for a while so I'm going to do it again.
Things I Want To Do When I'm Thin:
  • sit anywhere I want and not be afraid for an instant that the chair will collapse
  • fit into a booth
  • test drive a cute tiny car like a mini cooper or little 2 seater. It will be great to actually fit into something like that
  • Make a huge dinner for family and not for one second be afraid that I'm going to blow it all by pigging out
  • get a whole new wardrobe
  • wear high heels
  • get a really really nice coat. I haven't had one for years. Weird to think I'll actually get cold. I sure don't now.
  • Go places and know that when people notice me it's not because I'm the biggest person there, but because of my charm and personality. ahem.
  • have the seat up closer to the steering wheel instead of as far back as possible.
Things That I Hate Right Now:
  • my very large underwear and bras
  • all my clothes are years old, stained and worn thin. It's taking forever to grow out of them!
  • my left foot still hurting
  • people who try to help by offering recipes that they used that are fat free and sugar free. I loathe that stuff. I would rather have a small piece of something luscious than a large piece of something that is tasteless and weird. Besides, my husband has forbidden me to serve him anything fat free. He had one fat free hotdog (years ago on one of my doomed diet attempts where I ate less than 10 g of fat a day) and it grossed him out so much. They were pretty icky.
  • being 78 days on my weight loss journey and nobody knows unless I tell them because the weight I have to lose is immense and 30 pounds is a drop in the bucket. I still look the same to folks. that's a toughie for me.
  • I couldn't sit next to my sister to eat on Sunday because she was sitting in the group of folding chairs and I knew I would not fit in any of them. That stunk
  • having people who DO know I'm doing this be surprised that I'm still doing it.
  • this computer. I'm sorry but 1 gig of ram just doesn't cut it anymore amiright?
I don't know why but I really like to make lists with the bullets. It looks so cool.
I am reading Confessions of a Carb Queen. Wow what a story. I just love finding another person who has lost a lot of weight without surgery or pills. Gives me a lot of encouragement.
So there you have it. Another day in the life of Zaa. Now I'm going to do something new: ask a question to my readers! Here it is:
Name one thing you are looking forward to doing that you can't do now.
I will be horribly embarrassed if nobody answers it and then I will probably not do it again!
Make wise choices my friends.


  1. I love your list...I find joy in some of the simplest (yet strangest) things I can already since loosing 43lbs. Like you mentioned, I need to loose so much, the only people who really notice are my husband and parents.
    I look forward to not walking thru a room and feeling everyone is staring at me. I look forward to going to a theme park with my kids and knowing I can ride things. (my 11 yr old have never been to 6-flags because of me).

  2. I love your list too! Its so nice to be back to normal and reading blogs again. I have missed everyone. One thing that my heart of heart hopes for (that I have not been able to do fat) is to have a baby. I pray for it everyday. When I eat something now I ask myself if it is worth postponing my dream any more. I also want to see a picture of myself and not think "OMG I am so hideously fat!" Keep up the good work! You are doing great! Blessings--Bonnie

  3. Zaa.... there is a way to do the bullets...you have to add them I think it is across the top....I don't have a blog now I have my web page so I forget how to do it ...but just play and you will find it.....
    Something I want to do when I am thinner....hmmmm so many .... maybe sit on a plastic chair with out fear....wear the clothes and style I like and not just what fits...ooops I did two... I am greedy sorry


  4. I love you lists.

    I am looking forward to wearing "normal" pretty underwear, and being able to accompany my husband walking on his beloved Ochil Hills near is home town of Dollar in Scotland. When we visit his mum, he has to go walking on his own as I cannot manage hills, but I will, I Will, I WILL.



  5. Lists are good - I'm a list girl too!
    I have so many things on my lists! I won't muck up your comments with too much, but here are a couple:
    Things I want to do when I'm thin:
    Wear knee high, sexy, high-heeled leather boots
    Walk without my thighs trying to start a fire by rubbing together

    Things I hate right now:
    Thinking I'm thinner than I really am - sometimes I'm surprised by myself in the mirror!

  6. Your lists were great! I will answer your question, but I have two and I can't decide...

    ~ be able to wear a sleeveless dress to church without feeling like I am a huge bald flying squirrel.
    ~ stop running into things (i.e., doorframes, dressers, etc.). I think that I'm thinner in my head, and I misjudge a lot of things now, thinking I can walk by in the space provided. I have several bruises which prove to me otherwise.

    Keep up the good work, girlie!


  7. I'm definitely with Jenn on the sexy, knee-high boots! I have dreamed of those for a long time! And in general it'll be amazing to be able to buy clothes from any store and have them fit and look good even!! Oooh I so look forward to that!

  8. Dammit!!! I can NEVER wear those sexy boots because I have humongous calf muscles like a man's!! They developed in high school when I took dance and have always been this way!!! Now I want to cry!!! lol, no not really...I won't cry :)

    Jogging Auburn....you killed me with that thing about running into things...omg...I do this all the time and it is soooooooo incredibly embarassing to myself to see the stupid bruises in the mirror when I take off my clothes to get a shower...oh I hate it...sorry it happens to you too, but I'm so glad I'm not alone in this right now. Felt sure I was the only one.

    Zaa....this is going to be so crude, but it's really important to me because I have never done it...I've been way too fat since I was like 11 or 12 years old. I look forward to the day when me and my boyfriend of 5 years can have "skinny sex". I'm just sooooo curious as to how different things will be. Sorry about the crudeness...I truly am....but that is what I desire most at this point.

  9. Count me in with those sexy, knee-high boots! We can start a sexy, knee high boots club! Maybe....some day......
    I want to be able to clothes shop without pain. To know that I can pick up something cute and flirty and that it will fit me. AND look GOOD!
    I want to look down at my legs and not see any extra flab hanging over and around my knees. I want bony knees. Oh, and
    I want to run a half-marathon.
    I love your lists too BTW!!^_^

  10. sorry about your little kitty. At first I thought you were talking about an actual cobra! Yikes. And ff hot dogs suck. I do like to cook healthier type things, I think they can taste good also. Of course, my problem isn't my love for healthy foods, it's my love (and too much of it) for all foods :)As for your question: I'm really looking forward to the day I can jog more than a few paces. I'm looking forward to the day that my body is lean and firm with a definite outline of the musculature. I want to be just a bit of the athlete that I once was in my youth. And oh yeah, the clothes and the boots would be nice too!

  11. Zaa,

    Let me tell you something my friend. Your days of people noticing your weight loss are coming. And they will be so awesome and so dramatic. It's coming. It's a certainty. You keep defending your journey, you stay strong, you keep your head up my friend...and you'll be doing all of the things you dream of...absolutely!!!!
    It took a while before I started getting the mentions of "hey, you're losing weight...But trust me, they will start coming for you very soon. And when they do, you'll remember this comment and smile!
    I hope you get a chance to check out day 325 on my blog... BIG milestone and lots of pictures!

    You're awesome, you know that?

    P.S.---I wanna drive a little bitty car too just to say I can!