Wednesday, June 03, 2009Today I wore one of my least favorite shirts ever. It has gotten smaller over the years (I've gotten bigger) it doesn't cover my tummy, and the neck is high, I feel like I'm choking. But today was laundry day, and nothing else was clean. So I threw on the shirt and---shock of all shocks, it fit different. It was longer. Even my daughter noticed the difference. I was so happy, clapping and running to see myself in the mirror again. This is my very first sign that all my hard work is paying off.
I even ended up going on my walk tonight by myself. And it was so hard! I added a little bit at the beginning because I thought I was going to have to cut it short because of an incoming storm. But no, ended up doing the regular routine on top of what I added. And man were my thighs burning! I was so glad to get home! I threw myself on the bed and just laid there. I asked my daughter if she loved me, she said yes, and I asked her to take off my shoes and socks.
As I was trudging along, I was finding it so difficult. Why isn't it getting any easier! I thought about how wonderful it will be when my pants are loose, so loose I have to keep pulling them up. And then there will come a day when they will be too big, and I won't be able to wear them at all. I can buy myself a coat, actually go to walmart and buy one off the rack, and have it fit around my tummy. I want a deep blue one, I always have. And I thought about my breasts, my huge, gargantuan breasts, and how they're always bubbling over the top of my bra and I have to adjust them--it's embarrassing--and soon, they'll fit my bra, and then, my bra will be too big. I can't even imagine how I will feel then, to get a smaller size bra. Normally my friend and I talk up a storm while we walk, so I had to distract myself with encouraging thoughts.
Went 27 calories over my 1500 allottment today. Still, a good day all in all.
Trying not to be super impatient. I don't weigh again until 6-12. I hope I lose a lot this first time. Since I have a lot to lose, I'm hoping I'll get a big drop at first to encourage me, yet I don't want to set myself up for a fall.
Have a great night all. I'm off to bed.