Post #24--Let's say it was the moondust

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Huge day. Lots of cooking and baking and family and friends here. I had 1200 calories saved for dinner because of all the yumminess that I was producing in the kitchen. And I just had the hardest time. I think I was just so stinking hungry. I didn't go over my calories by much, but it was this out of control feeling that upset me. Lots of tasting.
With all the hubbub I didn't get my walk either, which isn't the end of the world. The funeral is tomorrow morning at 9. Yes, you read that right, 9 IN THE MORNING. On a Saturday. I mean come ON!
Okay okay, now I just have to figure out whose fault it all was. It could beeeeee:
mine--for being such a culinary genius in the kitchen. I take random ingredients and with a minimal amount of effort produce masterpieces.
or:
mine--for allowing myself to get too hungry. I should have had a snack or something. 250 calories for breakfast and then nothing else? I was setting myself up for a fall. And I was being greedy.
or it coooould beeee:
mine--for not thinking this through and being super prepared. I knew what food was going to be before me, I tried to count out calories as best as I could, but when it was all cooking it smelled so good.
GAWSH.
So pretty much I can't blame the moondust that drifted down from heaven, can I? All these feelings of disappointment in myself, a small bit of discouragement, irritation.
Ah well, live and learn. Hey I could have made a colossal PIG out of myself and I didn't.
So the things I learned today are as follows:
1. Never let Zaababy get that hungry again when so many luscious foods are being prepared. Eat a snack or a light lunch.
2. Stop thinking that I will be deprived if I can't eat a certain amount of food. Smaller amounts are enough, yet before I start eating I never think it will be.
3. Did I really think that changing my lifestyle was going to be easy? That my paths were going to be strewn with roses? I am going to have tough days and easy days and in between days and sick days--the rest of my life days. I can never give up.
In the end, I refuse to go back to the way I was 32 days ago--depressed, hating myself, hating everything, trapped in a prison. Never give up, never surrender.
Tomorrow is another day. I will take the advice that I so readily hand out--and go to bed!