Post #20--Trouble with milk

Monday, June 15, 2009

For some odd reason I slept horribly last night. Got about 3 hours of sleep, and woke up at 4:30. I just lay there until about 6, then got up and made myself breakfast. Church, afternoon nap, and then I made the most delicious tacos ever. I was actually worried that I was going to overeat, I was soooo hungry, and was having such a hard time estimating calories for them. Does anyone else have a hard time figuring calories on homemade items?
Well, ended up only having 2 tacos and was full! Incredible! My inner fat girl was freaking out, thinking I was going to eat and eat and eat and never get full. Obviously my stomach is shrinking and I was fine with what I had, more than fine actually.
I just love having all these daily victories. Oh, there was a time when everyday was constant failure. So why try at all right? Not anymore. And lookee, day 27! I mean seriously! When was the last time I did something like this for 27 consecutive days! Well never.
I'm pretty wiped tonight.
I'm starting to look at myself in the mirror and smile. It's been a long time since I've done that, I feel kind of weird doing it and hope none of my children come across me when I'm doing it. But I've received a bit of sparkmail from you all telling me to stop beating myself up and learn to love myself.
Okay the milk thing. I love milk, always have, drank it straight from the jug (if no kids were around shhh). In the past month my milk drinking has been nonexistent. I refuse to drink my calories except for juice in the am. I just love my morning oj. The other night I saved up my calories for a 100 Grand candy bar with 1 cup of milk. I was so excited to actually have a 190 calorie candy bar. (For some reason it didn't taste as good as I remember). That night I had horrible intestinal difficulties, kept running to the bathroom all night, and now I don't want to drink milk OR eat candy bars because I don't know which one caused the problem! A friend suggested I was lactose intolerent but hey, I've drunk milk my entire life with no problems. How can I tell what it was? Can you all of a sudden develop an intolerence to milk?
I do not plan on eating candy bars on a regular basis. I just wanted one. And really, it was disappointing because it just didn't taste as good as I thought it would be.
I like having no bad foods. It WAS fun to eat that 100 grand, because I didn't feel guilty about it, I planned the calories for it. This is so much more fun than a stupid diet. I hate cottage cheese and salads and yogurt and carrots and baked fish which are standard diet fair. I like my bacon and eggs and pizza and tacos.
Night all.