Day 56--more of the same ole same ole

I hate when my favorite bloggers don't post everyday and here I am, skipping the entire weekend! Pretty much things are the same. 1500 calories or less each day, 2.5 mile walk. Friday and Saturday I walked by myself. When you don't have someone to chat with, that hour is so LONG. I would look down the road and think man! I have such a long way to go! I decided to turn around and look how far I've come. Which was a long way!
I feel the same way about this journey I'm on to lose weight. I really have a long way to go! It's going to take a while for others to see any change in me. Instead of feeling overwhelmed about how far I have to go, I am looking back to see where I've come from. I've come a long way!
Then:

• hated myself
• hated everybody and everything
• ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted however much I wanted
• was probably socking away 4000-5000 calories a day
• couldn't go up or down stairs without my knees hurting, being out of breath, and it was just plain difficult!
• was proud when I ate salads (which I despise) because they're so GOOD for you
• felt helpless, hopeless, trapped, doomed, depressed, discouraged
  

Now:

• I love myself
• I love others and everything. Funny what a little wellbutrin can do for you
• I eat whatever I want in controlled portions, getting just as much satisfaction as I did when I ate huge amounts
• 1500 calories is my limit
• went up and down the stairs yesterday at church (it's a HUGE staircase) with no problems whatsoever. when I got to the top I felt like cheering
• I'm proud of myself for the first time in who knows how long for taking control of my life and the food that goes into my mouth
• I feel strong, powerful, full of joy and hope, cheerful, optimistic

Funny what a life changing choice that was for me on May 19th. I had no idea deciding to lose weight would change everything, I just thought I would get thinner.
Now I'm 22 pounds lighter. I ran Saturday night for longer than I ever have, and it wasn't as difficult. It was about 1/2 a block but still! Moving this bulk around is tough guys!
I'm making a roast for dinner tonight. I have no desires to just pig out on this yummy food. I also like eating what everyone else is eating for dinner. No more having to cook separate foods for myself. I had my normal breakfast of 4 pieces of crisp bacon, 2 fried eggs--yolks a bit runny which is so delish--and 1 cup of orange juice. 450 calories never tasted so good!
Other than the same old everyday stuff things around here are normal. My daughter went back to camp after a weird week. She just was acting weird what can I say. The kids are enjoying their break from school by staying up much later than I think they are and then sleeping all morning. School starts on August 20th (and there was much rejoicing in the land) and believe it or not they are all excited about it. I'll have 5 kids in school this year.
My two month anniversary is coming up on Sunday. Yes, two whole months since I made that life altering decision to lose weight. And why this time it clicked I have no idea. But it did click. It's really starting to sink in that I have to do some form of exercise everyday for the rest of my life and watch what I eat. I will never be able to go back to the way I was before, all blobby and fat, camped at the computer, eating all the time. Why did I type that, 'never be able'? How about I will never HAVE to go back to that way of life. I know people lose and then regain and I think that's just horrible. Having that taste of normality and throwing it all away for food. I don't ever want to be this fat again. I hate it.
That looks about it for me.
Make wise choices!