Day 53--Weigh Day

Today my daughter and I walked up to the clinic to weigh. She wanted to weigh herself too, so I let her go first. She weighs 73 pounds, my skinny little 9 year old! And I weighed in at 334, yes a 7 pound loss in 2 weeks and I am so very happy! I knew that I was losing, I'm seeing so many little changes daily. So I have now lost a total of 22 pounds. I can't believe I'm even writing that. I remember wishing I could just lose 10 or 15 pounds, just be able to have the self control to do that small thing, and not being able to. And here I am, and there's no turning back.
Last night after I dropped off the older kids at church for their youth group float trip, it was just me and the 'baby' (she's 9 but still) on the way home. I decided to treat her to a Sonic wacky pack thing. We rarely eat out btw. She was so excited! And I got a water. A WATER. That has absolutely never happened to me in my entire life. I could always put away an order of fries, or mozzie sticks, or a double chocolate malt. I just did not want to waste my calories on that. The best part was it wasn't even a struggle. I wasn't sitting there fighting temptation, longing for the foods offered, struggling with the decision. I just didn't want it. I feel like I've achieved this huge thing in that one small moment. I just went home and made myself a quesadilla. Yum!
Those pillboxes I bought are sure helping me. I never forget my pills anymore.
I took a shower everyday this week! And put on makeup, earrings, and fixed my hair. I would normally shower every 2-3 days. It really didn't matter what I looked like. I rarely wore makeup and always forgot earrings. But now I'm finding that I really care about what I look like. I'm enjoying looking in the mirror at my new smile and getting dressed everyday in clothes that are slowly getting bigger. Today I put on a blue tshirt that is normally skin tight, I have to stretch it out to make it fit. This time, though, I didn't have to do that. I just put it on and it was a little loose all over. JOY. I can't wait until I can't wear my jeans because they keep falling down, even when freshly washed.
So it's a lazy quiet day. I'm still not sleeping well which stinks. But that is minor compared to all the good things happening to me. Funny how making a decision to lose weight can affect everything in my life. That one moment on May 19th changed everything for me. The way I look at myself, at life, at my relationships with others, all different, I even had the courage to talk to my doctor about myself, found out what was wrong and started taking meds. So many times I walked or drove by and thought about going in and couldn't. I can now walk 2.5 miles when I could barely walk a block before. I have control over everything that goes into my mouth, whereas before I felt helpless before food, a slave to my desires, a prisoner.
I had a dream last night where my daughter and I were walking along a road, holding hands. All of a sudden we started running together, and it was effortless and freeing. I began leaping as I ran and I felt so joyful. When I woke up, I was moved when I remembered it. Because if that had happened a few months ago I would have been sad, discouraged and depressed, knowing that could never happen. But now, I know it will happen. I will run with my daughter one day, and it will be effortless and I will leap and feel joyful.
Make wise choices.