Today is cleaning/cooking day in preparation for tomorrow. If you've been wondering why you can hear whines and moans in the air, it's coming from my house. Sorry! Making the kids help clean up around here always produces those sounds, and they travel far. Stopped at the store for last minute stuff, and then the kitchen stuff begins in earnest!
Having ham and all the fixings, and let's not forget I have to fix dinner for tonight too. Tuna casserole is what we'll be having, since my vegetarian daughter is home from college and fish is not meat to her, and is about one of the only things she eats when she is home, that and cheese pizza.
I just......am tired. Had a very long conversation with my Dad, complete with massive guilt trip, and with the residual emotions from yesterday makes for a drained day. I just can't shake the blues. Here it is, one of my favorite times of the year, where I get to cook massive amounts of food which I LOVE to do, and I'm feeling all droopy inside. I've got my ipod turned on to my 'sad' playlist, the one I play when I am feeling most sorry for myself. I do not want to be a victim, I hate being a martyr, I absolutely loathe people who get offended by something you do and then NEVER TELL YOU, but just wait around for an apology and you don't even know something is wrong. Then, when you DO find out, because they let it slip, they don't even give you a CHANCE to apologize. Thus proving to me that they don't WANT you to apologize, they WANT to be mad.
I took 3 computers up to his house for him to work on, and out of that I get one back, and it's a brand new one he bought to replace one! How can I be upset with someone who does something so kind?! Yet all the kindness is laced with these venomous barbs, and just like with my husband, I never see it coming. Ever. Always taken off guard. Which is why I am just......tired. And I think I'm getting a headache. And a toothache. I always seem to get those on Saturday when the dentist is closed.
So blah and ugh. I would love to lie down for a little bit and mope but college daughter is asleep on my bed. Sideways.
I think I have PLOM's disease. Poor Little Ole Me.
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Relationships of any kind can be so hard. I'm struggling with issues around feelings and disagreements too.
ReplyDeleteThink I'm going to re-read a book my counselor originally recommended to me, called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. He really breaks down how to improve all your relationships and deal with conflict. I read it about 3 years ago when I was super-depressed and found it helpful, but I wasn't really in a place to tackle the interpersonal techniques with finesse. Time to review. Anyways, just thought I'd suggest it, because it's kind of all about handling the situations you're dealing with.
Happy Easter, hope you have a good holiday.
Don't stop posting now! I have been checking your blog periodically since December - remember, this is for you!
ReplyDeleteHey, girl, I hope your Easter was lovely. I wish you some very sunshiney weather; if a walk in sunshine is possible, it can be helpful to one's outlook sometimes. Well, for me anyway.
ReplyDeleteI also want to make sure you are all cool with your meds bc I know that can make a diff and you are so worth it!
I would love to hear of you getting a bit o' 'me time', but I know your house is fairly lively. See if you can swing it though.
Blessings, Chrissy
If your life is boring and you have no money, why don't you get a job?? Just wonderin'.........
ReplyDeleteSue