Saturday, April 16, 2011

I Think I Just Might Live

I can now say that yesterday was officially the sickest day of my entire life. I literally thought I was going to die I felt so bad. I was not able to sleep until last night but then I slept hard til about 6, I have no idea how much, then off and on until 10 AM. I had to get up, my back was hurting so bad, and made some oatmeal which I had been dreaming about incredibly. It did taste good but ate only half of what I prepared. Hasn't come back up! So I'm sitting here weakly typing and thanking God that I feel better.
Everyone is out and about doing their own thing today.
David is working.
Eli is who knows where, but he's 21 so there you are.
Bekah is at college doing who knows what.
Bethany is in New York.
Sam is in Saturday School. Yes, this is a new invention our school has come up with to take care of those 'bad' kids with tardies and late papers. Sam has perpetual Saturday School.
Josiah is playing Maple Story in the office, thrilled that he's the only one home and can do as he pleases without taking turns.
MaryGrace is at a camp with her sunday school class doing a spring fling thing or something.
And me? I live. That is all.
Yesterday I ate a few bites of cereal and a couple sips of juice, then in the afternoon I had a few bites of toast. The day before I ate probably about the same amount of food. Is it pathetic that I am hoping for a huge loss on Tuesday?! Why am I secretly glad that I couldn't eat? Am I going to be like this forever? I just want this struggle with my weight to end end end. I lost focus, life just took over, but now I'm focused again, and determined to not lose focus until I hit goal. I feel pathetic that here I am, desperately ill, and I'm looking at the oatmeal carton to see how many calories a serving is. I wish I didn't have to care! So many people just live and eat and stay the same weight always. Food is just food. Like my husband. He has pretty much stayed the same weight his whole life. He doesn't sneak candy bars in bed, or have a bag of chips by his desk, or secretly stop at McDonald's or Sonic when he's out and about. He eats when he's hungry. And when he's mad or super upset? HE DOESN'T EAT. Men.
It's cold today, and I'm cuddled under a blanket all comfy at the computer. I've been in bed so much my body is screaming.
Make wise choices everyone.

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