Tuesday. I think I've lost the creative part of my brain that makes cool titles.

Feels like a very long day for some reason. Didn't get much sleep. Hubby drove the kids to school and I stayed in bed! I just could NOT get up. I actually left my little town and went to the library with a friend. Am rereading the book Half-assed: a weight loss memoir and I just love the way she writes! So real! I could sit all day on the computer reading stuff but for some reason, holding a book in my hands is so much better. I know I know, thats so old school.
Hubby called today to tell me that a painting buddy is inviting him to go work in Oklahoma for a few days. And then next week, in Iowa. Well of course I am thrilled for him to have work. But he will be gone and I will have to be MomDad!!!!! It's hard when he's not here. My dear son Sam (14) seems to be the worst. And the fighting sometimes between Sam and Josiah (13) can get to incredible heights (depths?).
Menu Today:
bacon, eggs which I ruined when I broke the yolk which set the tone for my day, toast and juice
two chocolate truffles. don't worry, I skipped lunch to make up for the calories. I just wanted to eat them so bad, so I did. Get over it.
two tostadas
one can root beer
kind of a boring day eating wise. But I really really needed that chocolate today, so thats the way it is. Can't go without eating chocolate. If I don't eat it right away, I end up craving and obsessing and thinking about it and then overeat. Such an out of control reaction to a simple desire.
Funny how I'll be thinking about something so earth shaking and then discover that someone else has written a post saying everything a zillion times better than I ever could. I'm talking, of course, about my friend Sean's blog.
Here is the part that hit me so hard, taken straight from his blog and made into a different text so you can plainly see where the good writing begins, and ends:

I was always fighting the wrong battle. I didn't know who or what was the real enemy. How can you effectively battle, if you haven't identified the real enemy? I made food my enemy, that was the battle. I was always determined to put the food in its place---I would try to defeat food at every turn. Food wasn't going to win. That was my battle. The perceived enemy: food. But while I was busy battling food, the real enemy would sneak in from the side and defeat me every time in a battle that I didn't even realize I should be fighting. The real enemy?: ME.

And there you have it. You can read the entire post here. In fact, I suggest you go alllll the way back to Sean's very first post and read them in order. It's so cool how one man's life can affect so many. Anyways, I've often felt that my biggest enemy was myself. Why do I sabotage everything positive in my life!!! Fighting and defeating self has been the most difficult thing in my journey towards thinness. The battle is ongoing. Daily. Sometimes quite intense. Sometimes I seriously hate myself. Sean, how glad I am that you wrote your post before I did, you say things so clearly! I feel like my thoughts are always mish mashed on the page. I don't even use grammar and punctuation correctly, lots of run on sentences, bleh!
I have never lost a nail in my entire life and am close to losing one now. It's still attached on one side so I leave it alone, terrified that I will snag it on something and then RIP IT OFF. I love grossing the kids out with it. Thats what they get, yeah its payback time for all the gross stuff I've had to look at on them. 'Mom, look what I can do with my tooth!'
So now that Dave will be gone I am completely revamping my dinner menu! I cook to please him, and I am not going to knock myself out for kids who would be just as happy if I opened a can of olives and a package of pepperoni and said 'Here kids, it's your dinner!' So kid friendly meals are top priority.
Hopefully this week I will be successful in my mission of shoe control, and get the kids clothes gone through. It's just unbelievable how many shoes are in this house. I will most definitely supply a number for the pairs and singles I find. You have to promise not to faint.
I will leave you with a pic of my new dog, Meatball. He is no Ninja Cobra, but is creating a place in my heart for himself.