Day 346--I reweighed myself, Bethany is sick. Zaababy's Quick Start Weight Loss Guide!

K so I had to take Bethany to the Dr again today. She started with a sore throat Saturday and has deteriorated quite rapidly--headache, BAD sore throat, bloodshot eyes, dizziness, fever, ugh! Of course the checked her for mono. Inside I was thinking 'no no no no no no more mono'. At the moment they are saying she has a viral infection. I just hope it doesn't get worse. Bethany is in the school play this week and is most devastated. THE LION KING BABY.

So here we are at the clinic and I bravely and boldly hopped on the scale and I have lost 3 of the 4 pounds I gained. YIPPY YAY FAR OUT WOOOOOOOT.

I dropped Bethany off at home and headed to the pharmacy for her prescriptions and grocery store to get her some juice. While I was there I ran into a friend I haven't seen for a bit (Howdy S!) and she freaked quite nicely on how different I looked. We ended up talking for a while--I love my small town--and gave her my blog address. THEN one of my daughter's friend's dad came up to me and said 'Did Bekah Boo Baby tell you what I said the other day?' and I said 'nooooo' and he said 'You are looking great' WHILE LOOKING ME UP AND DOWN. Yes. Me! I said thank you freaking inside because let me tell you, I'm sure men have looked at me in years past but it wasn't appreciatively and I tell you what, it's heady. Too bad this incredibly awesome package is already taken!!!!! It's all for my hubby.

I went on a bike ride with Eli, Bek and Mary last night and Eli laughed at me and I said WHAT and he said you have the biggest smile on your face and it's been there the whole time! Because seriously, I am doing something I have only DREAMED of--going on a bike ride with my kids just like in the Sound of Music!!!! Then Bek ruined the moment by drawing his attention to the fact that I never turn my head but use my peripheral vision to look around AND my knuckles are white on the handlebars! Pft. I showed her how I could lift a hand off the handle but of course she imitated me with a totally shaking hand. I'll show her! And yes I don't move my head because I am being safe! What if a small animal ran in front of me, or a big rock or something! I would totally crash and burn and bif it bigtime. I like being prepared. I am practicing turning though, since I am always so afraid that my weight is still so immense that when I turn I will just flat out fall onto the ground and kill myself. I do enjoy ringing my bell. And sing. You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell. I swear I am totally innocent I had no idea what that song was about until I just now looked up the lyrics. I also went on another bike ride with my husband at dusk. That was the best of all, I believe.

I am making several dozen cupcakes for the play practice today, and bologna sandwiches cut into fourths. Tomorrow I am making dogfood and cheese/crackers and strawberries. Then Thursday for dress rehearsal I am doing pbj sandwiches and M&M cookies. My personal favorite cookie in the entire world.

I washed ALL my clothes yesterday and had no pants so on a whim I pulled this bag of clothes out of my closet that my sister had given to me last summer. Aaaaaand the capris fit! I am wearing size 22 jean capris!!! The khaki pants didn't fit but I haven't used my tried and true method of lying on the bed to zip them up. It is just simply unbelievable that this time last year, I couldn't even fit into the LARGEST SIZE at walmart and now I am wearing an XL in my top and a size 22 in the bottom!

I can't wait to wear my new high heels to church tomorrow night!

Tonight we're having chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy and yummmm it's my absolute fav meal ever. It is so freeing and unbelievably joyous to have learned that losing weight is not this horrible slog, filled with foods you find distasteful and pain and deprivation. Instead, I eat exactly what I always have---just less. So yes, that means I still taste the cake batter (I'm totally guessing here that what I eat is 200 calories please don't burst my bubble), I grab a piece of bologna if that's what I want (90 cal), or 1/2 c ice cream (150 cal), or 13 gummy worms (110 cal), or 15 g of dark cacao chocolate (80 cal), or chocolate milk (150 cal), or even a cheeseburger and fries from McDonald's (670 cal)!

~*'Another Reader Question of the Week!'*~

Dear Zaababy,
I want to do this. I want to lose weight. Everytime I try nothing happens and I get so discouraged! Please tell me how to jumpstart myself! Oh, and did I mention you are way cool and awesome?
One Sad Cowgirl

Well Cowgirl, I know exactly how you feel. That was my life for oh so many years. Here is Zaa's Quick Start Guide, just for you!

ZAA'S QUICK START GUIDE TO LOSING WEIGHT

1. Start today. Not tomorrow, not Monday. Start right now.
2. Eat every time you get hungry. Let's say you are hungry right now and you want some potato chips! Okay let's just mosey into the kitchen and measure out one serving of potato chips. If you don't have a kitchen scale stop what you are doing immediately and go get one. Saves you from having to count out 13 chips that are NOT the same size and are even broken and it's so frustrating! Okay so then you eat that one serving of chips and you're done.
   
3. You are going to have to relearn how to eat. We all eat too much. Everything you eat will be measured and counted. Some people just really like writing down what they ate and some people just really hate it. Do whatever you like, just always know how many calories you are putting in your mouth.
4. My calorie goal was 1500 because that's what Sean did. If you are unsure how much is best to shoot for, this site will help you determine that. Especially right here at first, you need to give yourself a calorie cap for the day. That helps you to spread your food throughout the day.
5. Eat exactly what you like. You do not need to copy other people's menu plans or ridiculous ones you find in magazines. Weight loss is big business, and there's lots of money in telling people how to do it. And think, you are finding out the way for free! Eat everything you always have, just less. You will be learning how much is considered a portion size and just eating that. Like miracle whip is 40 calories for 1 Tablespoon and that is the perfect amount for a sandwich. Same with 1 cup of juice/milk, one chili dog, 3 oz fries. I totally recommend you get this book. I bought it at WalMart and keep it in my purse. I am never at a loss anymore! I can always figure out how many calories something is now.
6. Learn to say no to food. It is most empowering. You will not be starving. You will be eating everything you love. So saying no to more than one serving is something you are going to have to learn. Here, let's practice saying no. ***You open your front door and you see a tattooed biker with long greasy hair with a crack pipe in one hand and an almost empty fifth of whiskey in the other, his motorcycle in the yard. He asks if you want to go on a ride out on a deserted country road. What do you say? NO.*** Good. Now let's make it a little harder. ***Your pretty blonde teenage daughter walks in with this tattooed biker with long greasy hair with a crack pipe in one hand and an almost empty fifth of whiskey in the other. She says she wants to marry him. What do you say? NO**** Makes saying no to another piece of pie no problem doesn't it?
7. I also am offering to you FREE OF CHARGE my patent pending 100% guaranteed method that pairs so well with saying no. RUN AWAY. You are in the kitchen. You eat a cookie. You know that one is enough so you now say NO and then RUN AWAY FROM THE COOKIE. There. Feel free to share that method. You may also run away like a little girl. Works for me.
   
8. Go for a walk. Everyday. I think walking is the perfect first exercise. The very best thing you could possibly do is get yourself a good pair of shoes. Everyone says that and I always thought it was stupid. But it's not. Your feet will really really really hurt if you don't. Mine did. I just could NOT understand why, especially because it was on the TOP of my foot, not the bottom. All the way up into the ankle. It was horrid. I splurged $50 and got a nice pair of Nike Air's for my 25 pound weight loss reward thingy. Wish I had done it right at the beginning but who has $50 just lying around amiright?
   
9. There are no bad foods. There are no good foods. Everything is okay to eat. I don't care what it is. Just have one serving.
10. We all have stupid diet rules. NO SUGAR NO FAT NO EATING BETWEEN MEALS NO SWEETS NO REFINED FLOUR blah blah blah. Some people are just awesome and can completely change how they eat and live and they can do it forever and I am so happy for them. But then there are the lame losers like ME who don't LIKE raw vegetables and steamed fish and all the weirdo things other people tell you is HEALTHY and GOOD FOR YOU. Let me tell you something. We eat real butter here. I use no sugar substitutes. If I serve my husband another fat free food he just might fire me. In my own little opinion which matters for nothing I think it's best to eat less of the real stuff than a whole lot of disgusting stuff that's good for me. That fake stuff just does not SATISFY. You know how good an M&M cookie made with real butter and eggs tastes when it's warm from the oven and dipped in one cup of cold milk I mean we are talking HEAVEN ON EARTH. And yes, I taste the batter too. I digress.
11. NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP I MEAN I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK YOU 'MESSED UP' OR SOMETHING STUPID DON'T EAT HOWEVER MUCH THE HECK YOU WANT BECAUSE YOU 'MESSED UP' THERE IS NO 'MESSING UP' ANYMORE. That's right. No more messing up. No more 'I ate something I 'shouldn't' so now I'm going to eat what I want for the rest of the day because I already messed up this day.' Let's see. You can eat when you're hungry. You can eat what you want. Hmmmm. Sounds a bit like heaven to me.
    

So to sum up: Start right now. Measure and count everything. Eat exactly what you like. Eat when you're hungry. Take a walk everyday. Learn to say no. Smile at yourself in the mirror. You're really going to do this! You're really going to be thin! Oh, and get a scale tootsweet!

I think that's about it. Be good, my fellow weight loss super heroes! Never give up!
Big hugs to you all!

I have to leave you with this video. This is the group that my girls are madly in love with right now.

Day 344--My first weight gain. I KNOW!!!! Blood pressure woes. I have over 100 followers!

Wow what a couple of weeks I've had.
First off, my blood pressure has not been my friend. For a very long time. But see, there was always a reason that it was higher than normal. Such as kidney stones. Who wouldn't have high blood pressure when they're dying of pain? Also when they take your blood pressure they about cut your arm off with the cuff by pumping it up in a such a cruel fashion. It has NEVER been over 200 EVER and yet they ALWAYS pump and pump that thing and okay it really hurts. Sure THAT would cause me to have high blood pressure right?

And here I am, exercising and eating less, and my body is supposed to obediently do all the right things like LOWERING my blood pressure. But oh no, my faithless body decides to go in the opposite direction. It doesn't help that my mother (miss you Mom) never weighed more than 15 pounds overweight in her entire life and she still had horribly high blood pressure AND high cholesterol. That woman never ate any fat ever and she STILL couldn't lose those pesky pounds or lower her bp and cholesterol levels. I wonder what she would think of me right now if she were still alive. Okay so anyways, my doctor about floored me when she announced two weeks ago that she wanted me to come in every day or so to get my bp checked. Sigh. So I would trot over there (one block away remember?) and they would take my pressure and it would be high and then I would have to sit there and talk quietly with one of the nurses to calm me because surely the reason it's high is because I'm all excited about everything right? One of the curses of my personality. And then they would take it again and it wouldn't be as high but it would still BE high. So. Thursday she handed me THE BLACK SPOT. Yes, a prescription for BLOOD PRESSURE MEDICINE. I now officially feel OLD! And I am so sorry I do not want to offend anyone who takes this stuff it just is upsetting. I told her please don't have this be stuff that will make me gain weight and she said it won't. It's a diuretic called hydrochlorot. Notice how the last 3 letters are R O T? Mmmhmmm. Creepy isn't it.

So I couldn't weigh last week because they were closed for Easter. Makes sense doesn't it? Of course I didn't consider that and rode my bike up there to weigh and surprise! they were closed! So I went up Friday to weigh and boy oh boy guess what I gained four whole pounds! (I just can't bring myself to change my weight scale thing at the top!) My first reaction was to faint. I had to check again. Sigh. Easter candy, ham, and turtle cheesecake how I loathe thee. I didn't even stuff myself but I guess I ate more than I thought I did.
How thrilled I am that one of the very first books I read was The Big Skinny. The author went on vacation and came back to find she had gained a bit of weight while she was gone. Did she freak? Did she get super angry and eat everything in sight because it just didn't matter anymore dangit? No. She matter of factly pulled in the reins and lost it all again quickly. So after I weighed guess what I did?

1. I gave the rest of my Easter candy to my kids. They were thrilled.
2. I am pretty much saying no to anything that pushes me above my calorie limit.
   
3. I have my food of the day planned out in the morning.
4. I have dedicated myself to being consistent with my exercise. No more haphazardly exercising without goals. I am timing myself on my walks/jogs/bike rides so I can push myself to do more. I also want to help my daughter in her quest to pass her pt test (still hasn't yet) so she can go active with the army so situps, running, and pushups will be added in. We can do all those together. Of course, she'll be doing regular pushups, I'll be doing WALL PUSHUPS or COUNTER PUSHUPS or some other form of wimpy pushup. She'll be doing the real ones because she's IN THE MILITARY. I mean seriously, someone who is supposed to protect our country should at least do regular pushups amiright?
5. I am not throwing in the towel, giving up, feeling sorry for myself, or being coldly angry with myself because we all knew it wouldn't last right? I wish I hadn't gained at all. But when I decided to lose weight I knew I wasn't going on a diet, that this was for life. And real life is not perfect. I am not apologizing because I hate getting on people's blogs and they apologize for breaking the rules. Pft.

I toyed with officially writing about it here. I just hate reading other people's blogs and they start gaining weight and then there's this horrible struggle for a few months then POOF they're gone. I have lost NINETY POUNDS. That is a whole lot. My entire life has changed. It is so easy to lose focus. What is the goal in my life? It's to be normal. And surprisingly enough I am already doing all the normal things I thought I wouldn't be able to do until I hit goal. Such as:

• sit in a lawn chair
• wear high heels. Me! I haven't worn high heels in years and years! I tried some very cute ones on today on a whim and I could walk in them just fine and they were adorable and ON SALE. I bought two pairs. I also put my shoes and socks back on while I was standing up!
  
• I got my hair cut last weekend and it was the first time that I can remember sitting in that hair dresser chair and there was room between my thighs and the sides. And the lady who did my hair was the same one who did my hair back in October. She remembered me! And my hair is short and cute.
• At church I sit with my legs crossed and my Bible laid open on my lap. Notice the key words: LEGS CROSSED, LAP. Me!
• bike riding
• jogging
• long walks
• getting up from a couch, chair, toilet, bed without having to give a huge heave ho
• fitting everywhere--seat belts, booths, high fixed stools at a high counter in a restaurant, regular bathroom stalls, between my car and another car that was parked ridiculously close to mine by a moron
• rolling over in bed without it jiggling, the depression on my side of the bed disappearing
• just plain old moving fast
• running up and down stairs
• losing a shoe size down to a not as embarrassing 10!
• We were watching a movie and three of my kids were on the couch and I came in and said Hey I'm skinny now scoot over and they did and ALL FOUR OF US sat on that couch. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life.
• I love showering, getting dressed, fixing my hair, putting on makeup. I really look good and I don't have to catch myself at a certain angle or do any mirror trickery to get it to be so. I just do.
  
• I can wear XL shirts! This is really big to me. Now if I could just get my bottom half to match up to my top half!
• This is bad. This is really bad. This is so bad you don't have to read it. The people I used to be jealous of because they were thinner than me? I'm thinner than them. And they know it. It's not a secret. And they act funny around me. Of course I'm not referring to the size 0 people we all know and love/hate.
  

I also have discovered a most distasteful thing that I have been doing: apologizing for thinking I look good. Yes, most stupid of me. I would feel so pretty and trim and cute and would be telling my sister or daughters how great I feel then I would say something like I know I have a long way to go still, I am over 100 pounds overweight, people look at me and see a fat woman but I still feel so great. Why am I doing this? Am I expecting others to say, 'Um, I know you FEEL like you look good but you really don't'. So no more apologetic attitude. I AM CUTE AND TRIM.

And I guess I should apologize for not posting for two weeks but what can I say I've been busy. Every time I would sit down and think about posting something would come up.

And now for my favorite part of today's post:

~*'READER QUESTION OF THE WEEK'*~

Dear Zaababy,
I've been doing well for several months but all of a sudden I am hungry all the time. No amount of food seems to satisfy. I'm really not sure what to do. Do you have any advice for me?
A Faithful and Loyal Acolyte

Well Faithful. First thing I would suggest would be to give yourself 300 or so extra calories a day and see if that does the trick. If it does, then you're good to go. If not, then you now know that more food is not the answer to your problem. Go back down to the calories you were at before and then, start doing the most horrendous, frightening, almost R rated thing in the whole world: START SAYING NO TO FOOD AGAIN. Oh yeah. I think some of us would rather face ANYTHING than having to turn down food. You've been saying no all along your journey so this is nothing new. I am now going to offer you my patent pending 100% guaranteed to succeed method that partners so well with the verbal no: RUN AWAY. Yes. You say 'NO' and then you 'RUN' away from the temptation. No's do work quite well, but I find that the getting away from the food really does the trick. I also like brushing my teeth. Nobody likes to eat with freshly brushed teeth.
The real trick is going to be finding out what's going on inside your heart and head that is driving you to food for comfort. I suggest you take the time to deal with it.
Please remember that I am only a fellow weight loss super hero. I am no professional so don't go telling your doctor that Zaababy said to do this/said not to do this. He'll think you're nuts. Always listen to your doctor before silly old me!

I actually broke 100 followers. I am quite flattered that you all have chosen to join me on my journey. And to those of you who have recently emailed me and told me you read all my posts from the beginning---here's your reward! *hands out some homemade foil stars*

It's late and my husband is giving me dirty looks because he is trying to sleep and I am clacking away over here in the corner. So hugs to you all. Be good and make wise choices!!!!