Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Day 222--Lack of Money, Sickness, Struggles, yet Much Joy--and a little bit about weight loss.

I weighed on Friday but didn't post because we have the flu bug going around our house and I just haven't had the time! I lost 1 more pound which puts me at 71 pounds lost, 285 is my current weight. At this rate I'll be in my 80s before I hit 150!!!!! I'm tightening up my calories, and upping my workouts. Of course this is the perfect time of year to be losing weight, amiright? All that candy and cookies and family dinners. I'm not going to worry about it, just keep shooting for 1500 calories and having ONE, one cooky, one serving of food. Just keep those chocolate covered peanut balls FARRRR away from me! I hope my family can tell I've lost weight. After 70 pounds you'd think so but I still have a long ways to go.
My daughter is homebound now, and a teacher comes out every other day and gives her assignments, etc. I still can't get over that the school does this. Here Bekah is, so very sick, and this kind woman is giving of her own free time to be her tutor. All of my other kids want to be sick, too. Everyday someone is complaining of something and wanting desperately to stay home. Until recently that didn't work. Now we have a stomach bug zipping through the family. Started Saturday night with my littlest who felt sick all evening and I sweetly had her sleeping in my bed under the electric blanket and then SPLAT she wakes up puking ALL OVER MY BED, MY WHITE SPREAD, MY ELECTRIC BLANKET AND IT WAS PINK! She told me she had cotton candy at the birthday party she was at earlier. Sigh. Here I was at midnight washing everything. She is back in school today but my 14yo son is home. It's his turn. I wonder who's next. It better not be me!!!
My husband actually worked last week, but for less than half his normal pay. So I can't complain, because so many have so much less than we do. He is very very down and discouraged. It's hard enough to be struggling but it's Christmas, so that makes it worse for him. I haven't bought any Christmas presents yet. My church is doing an adopt-a-family thing for us and I haven't told him that either. I know it will send him spiraling even further down into depression and discouragement. They wanted my kid's Christmas lists and I gave them to them. Am I supposed to tell them no, don't do this, my husband is so proud and this will hurt him? So I haven't told anyone this is happening. My church said nobody has to know, they can work it so nobody in my family has any idea someone else helped but is that weird? Should I even care? Another sigh. We get our next allotment of food stamps on Saturday, the day my son gets here from the Air Force for 2 weeks. It's so weird having all this happen:
******Stuff That is Horrible************
  • Bekah's mysterious illness that keeps getting worse. They say mono but heck it could be anything!
  • stomach flu going thru the family
  • no money
  • skimpy work for hubby
  • it's so freaking cold here, 9 degrees right now
  • the dogs and cats have fleas. In the middle of winter. Go figure.
  • Hubby's mother died in Oct, his dad is in a nursing home, and my daughter moved back.
  • Said daughter has no job, no money, no driver's license because she had a dui and then drove while her license was suspended so lost it for a year. All I can hope is that she is learning some big life lessons.
  • We are on food stamps, and medicaid for the kid's health insurance.
  • I feel like a zombie. So much is happening that is not good, my head is spinning.
  • All the kids want everything everything everything under the sun for Christmas. And make up long elaborate lists that they shove under my nose.
  • The upstairs computer died and I can't figure out what happened. I hate when that happens. Someone probably downloaded some stupid game that came with a lovely trojan.
  • the batteries keep getting drained in like a week in our stupid remote. Why? How? New remotes for dish cost 80 smackeroos.
  • the tv in the sitting room does not play cable anymore and we're paying for 2 tv's.
  • I really miss my Mom. She's been gone 6 years. The grief is not strong like it used to be, it just comes out of nowhere. No way on earth would I ever want her back, suffering. But still.
  • I have no coat. Actually I shouldn't list this with the Stuff That is Horrible List because the reason I have no coat is because my old one is too big! Yes, that huge red monstrosity of a circus tent has been banished. I wish I could burn it. So I have to wear several layers when I go anywhere, including 2 jackets layered, hat, scarf, and gloves. I look quite rotund but it works. Nothing can penetrate 6 layers of clothing!!!!
Okay. Now for something completely different.
*******Things That are Wonderful********
  • I'm still losing weight, walking, counting calories, measuring my food. I admit that I'm not perfect. Twice I've had a chocolate double malt at Sonic. But the important thing is that is the exception, not the rule, and NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. I don't care how horrible I think I'm doing. This is the most weight I've ever lost. I don't want to do what I always do--stop caring and gain it all back plus more. I never want to be 350 pounds again. Ever. I hated myself so much.
  • We have a little bit of money for bills.
  • Our home is warm, everyone has plenty of blankets for their bed.
  • My washing machine and dryer work.
  • A friend gave me a freezer. I know! She kept it in her barn and it looks like a freezer that has been kept in a barn but it works. We cleaned all the goose poo off, the chest door is completely covered in rust but we cleaned it too, scrubbed the entire outside, and tada! Instant freezer!
  • When we got the freezer, I had to crawl *yes crawl* into the truck to pull the dolly while everyone else pushed it in. Then. Then when it was in and strapped I put my hand on the side of the truck and I JUMPED OUT OF THE TRUCK and I DIDN'T BREAK AN ANKLE, FALL FLAT ON MY FACE OR ANYTHING!!!!!!! I haven't jumped out of a truck for about 15 years, maybe even more. I can't believe I did that.
  • My cat Ninja Cobra was at the vet's for a week but he is all better. I just love him so much.
  • Walking home from the clinic last week I jumped over a muddy ditch. Jumped.
  • My grocery store is selling moon pies again. I love moon pies. Half of one is 150 calories. Yum. A whole one with 1 cup of milk is 400 calories. Yes, I have had that as a meal a couple of times. I really love moon pies.
  • My Dad works on computers, so I can take my fried one to him and he will fix it for free. I really love my Daddy.
  • We have food stamps. Yes, I listed it twice. I hate it yet I love it. I am so glad we qualify for them. Our monthly allotment is $1100. I hope everyone wants food for their Christmas presents because that very well may be what they get.
  • I know without a shadow of a doubt that 'Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights'
May it be said of us 'How that in a great trial of affliction the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded unto the riches of their liberality.' I don't talk about my faith in this blog because it's about my weight loss. So don't freak. I just have a lot to be thankful for.
This time next year my life will be so different. Stay strong my fellow weight loss superheros. The prize is before our eyes!


  1. Hi,
    I haven't commented on your blog before but I just wanted to delurk to tell you how amazing I think you are! You have so much going on that isn't good, I think in your position I would have a lot of trouble seeing past those problems, and yet you have such a positive attitude and are managing to stay strong and keep working to achieve your goals!
    You are an inspiration to me

  2. You're so awesome Zaa. I'm sorry about all the hardships...but even through it all, you can still find the good and you're staying positive and grateful for the things that are good in your life. That inspires me to write about gratitude in my next post, so thank you for the inspiration today. Big hugs to you. :)

  3. You are One Amazing Woman Zaa.
    Despite all the crap you are being dealt at the moment you are so positive and up beat. You find so many positives in amongst so many negatives.

    I am so glad to have met you, you are a REAL Inspiration.

    Thank You


  4. Hi,

    Good one on Day 222--Lack of Money, Sickness, Struggles,yet Much Joy--and a little bit about weight loss.I recently found out 1 million children are accidentally poisoned in their homes each year.And also I did find the toxins we use in our home here www.debtfreeliving.healthyhometour.com.I think it's time we all know about the toxins we use.


  5. I am so sorry that you have had so many struggles. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    One of many things I admire about you is the way you can say, "Yes this is hard," but on the other side say, "Yes, this is good." Wow.

    Stay strong.