Sunday, November 22, 2009

Day 199--I weighed, 6 months, and seriously, 200 days?! Inconceivable! And a mouse.

So I weighed on Friday and 1 more pound is gone, giving me a grand total of 68 pounds gone hopefully forever and ever! And yet still I marvel over how it doesn't hurt my knees when I go up the stairs, that I have all kinds of energy, that I feel lighter, yes feel lighter just humor me okay? And I think I actually look good. Yes, I got showered and dressed yesterday and headed out to WalMart feeling so great. It has been so long since I have liked myself. It was through my weigh loss decision that I discovered that there WAS something wrong with me and got medication for it. I am gaining confidence in myself, my marriage is better than it has been for years, because losing weight CHANGES you, not just on the outside. Funny how my life had shrunk so much that I couldn't see beyond just not being morbidly obese.
I've been asked if I had it to do all over again, would I? My answer is a resounding YES. I look back over the past months and see
  • I was never hungry. Ever.
  • I ate what everyone else was eating, no special diet foods.
  • I didn't have to eat stuff I didn't like.
  • Walking was hard at first, I won't lie. But how proud I was of myself for every walk, even when my feet hurt. I love walking now.
  • Everything is easier, from sitting in a restaurant to fitting into a car and even turning over in my own bed. And of course walking up and down stairs which I have written about repeatedly over the weeks.
  • Every aspect of my life has improved. Which still blows my mind.
Okay so since my 18 yo daughter came home from working at that camp all summer, she hasn't felt quite right. Every once in a while she would complain of being nauseous, and not feeling well. It has escalated slowly but surely. Last Tuesday (the 10th) the nurse had me come get her from school. She has not been back since. She is nauseous constantly, lighteaded when she gets up, weak, lethargic, with headaches and abdominal pain. She has not thrown up once however. Things have deteriorated, folks. We've been to the doctor 3 times, the ER once. She's done a course of antibiotics, had a chest xray and ctscan, a cortisone shot and a steroid shot, blood drawn twice with complete workups both times and the second time being tested for everything everything everything under the sun like lyme disease, lupus, chronic fatigue syndrome, rocky mountain spotted fever. We are waiting for the results of those tests. And a prescription for Phenergen for the nausea which they said made her tired but I think it just flat out knocks her down for the count. I mean she is OUT. Can I say that I am completely and totally freaking out? It's a pure miracle that I have even lost weight the last 2 weeks with everything that is going on. All she does is lie there folks. If she gets up to go to the bathroom she is so pale and bloodless looking its scary. The only thing that gives me comfort is they did not admit her when we were at the ER. So obviously she is not dying. Right? You can pray for my Bekah Boo Baby is you want. This is all just so hard right now. My husband has no work. None. We are on food stamps, which is horribly embarrassing but I am so grateful for them. And here it is Christmas. Why does it always seem that we have no money at Christmas?! Forget presents, how in the world am I going to pay my bills!!! This week my husband was home, ALL of the kids were home sick on Monday and let me tell you that was so unfun. AND for some reason this is the thing I hate the most, my hair is growing out from being colored and I can't do anything about it. Yes I have a lovely gray stripe going down the top of my head. OH let me not forget that this week is Thanksgiving which I'm having at my house, my 2 nephews are going to be here til Sunday, and my daughter's 10th birthday is Thursday which requires presents AND she wants a sleepover Friday night. Okay I hate when people go on and on about how stressed they are, I've always thought that was so pathetic. There is a lot on my plate right now and I feel stressed out, overwhelmed. And there is this little flame of joy in my heart because I like myself, I like how I look, and the curse of my fat is going away. How weird is that?
So night before last I woke up and heard the bell on Elora Dannan's collar ringing fiercely and constantly and thought What is going on?! I went into the kitchen, without my glasses, and could see her playing with something, flinging it into the air, batting with her paws. Because I couldn't see I got down about a foot away from a dead mouse with guts coming out. And man I was out of there like a streak of lightning!!! I was scared I was going to step on a spleen or something. I couldn't wake up my husband because he always gets so mad if anyone or anything wakes him before he thinks he should be awake. So I went back to bed. He got up first. Which means he:
  • got rid of the carcass
  • cleaned up the remaining organs on the floor
  • cleaned up all the blood all over the floor
  • cleaned up the piles of vomit containing mouse fur and bones that my cat had neatly deposited on the kitchen floor. Two of them.
Can you see why I'm stressed? Everyone send me hugs. I need them.
Oh, and the kids only have 2 days of school this week. What moron decided to let the kids be out of school the day before Thanksgiving!!! I bet that moron doesn't have to fix a huge Thanksgiving dinner for family and get the house company ready.
And someone promised me a chest freezer and then called me and told me the seals are blown which I have no idea what that means but essentially I can't have the freezer.
Even though everything is hard I still have so much to be thankful for.


  1. Hi,
    I don't come over and comment much, but I saw that you were low on money and had food stamps. I volunteer for angel food ministries.
    It is a low cost food program run as a wholesale distribution through churches.
    You can get a food box for a family of four for 30 dollars. It includes things like steak and chicken, milk and eggs...cereal. vegetables. all for thirty dollars....If you go to you can find a distribution point nearest you. I looked in missouri and they have nearly 270 distribution points...they also accept food stamps. This program saves you fifty percent off your regular food bill.
    The seals being blown means it no longer holds in cold air. Sorry about the freezer, they are really helpful. I hope your hubby finds a job soon.
    God bless.

  2. Reading how you feel and the differences it has made in your life is just the refreshing thing I needed today.
    You're such a wonderful light shining in this weight loss blogland. Your inspiring story is so wonderful and so easily relateable to anyone that chooses to be free. You're so free now, isn't it an amazing feeling?

    I love reading you my friend,

    My best always and thank you for the wonderful blog you keep.


  3. By the way,

    Your wonderful resolve in the face of hardship gives hope to so many. I just know that things will improve for you and yours my friend. I know it will. You must know it too.
    These times will pass, you know that. And you're going to come out stronger than ever. And the thinner and healthier part? Well, that's a given. You're amazing Zaa, simply wonderful.

    My best

  4. In the midst of all this stress, I was struck by what you said: "And there is this little flame of joy in my heart because I like myself, I like how I look, and the curse of my fat is going away."

    Sending big {{{HUGS]]] and also prayers for your Bekah Boo Baby.

  5. Awww, you've done such a good job changing your life! You've come a long way and it's inspiring. I want to echo the early comment about angel food ministries. My family has gotten food that way, and it really helped when low on money. Check them out.

  6. Congratulations on staying on plan even though you are suffering a hard ship right now! May god bless you and your family! My thoughts and prayers are with your daughter!

  7. I was also really inspired when you said, "And there is this little flame of joy in my heart because I like myself, I like how I look, and the curse of my fat is going away."

    You getting healthier, and getting rid of the weight is going to make room for some much joy in your life. I know that things are going to get easier. Hang in there :)