Thursday, July 2, 2009

Post #3--Day 11 of My Journey

Friday, May 29, 2009

Found another blog yesterday about a man who started at 505 pounds and has lost 170. Of course I had to go back to the beginning and read through. How encouraging! And he's doing it the way I am: eating less and exercising!
How different this is than what I thought it would be. And I have to say the internet is why. So much information is floating out there in cyberland. This site, which is incredibly free, and all the other weight loss blogs that I keep stumbling upon are encouraging me SO MUCH. I haven't counted calories in over 20 years. Yesteray was my first attempt and it wasn't perfect, but it was very eye opening.
I weigh and measure myself today. I guess technically I should have done this on Day One, but I didn't. I have decided to weigh myself every two weeks on Fridays. I guess I should remeasure myself then too. I don't own a scale so I'll walk to Main Street (one block away) and weigh myself at the clinic there. And I don't think I own a measuring tape!
Today I am off to WalMart to finish buying supplies for my daughter, who is going to be a counsellor at a camp this summer. It's called Wonderland Camp, and it is for physically and mentally disabled children and adults. So while I am at WM I will buy myself a measuring tape and a food scale. I hope the scale isn't expensive!
I am walking about a mile every evening with a friend down the street. And it is hard! My feet hurt so bad. Everything else is fine, but I keep thinking it will get easier. Well, it hasn't yet. I feel like I'm plodding along, barely putting one foot in front of the other. And everyday I think 'Today is the day it will be easier, I will have more stamina and strength!' and nope, doesn't happen.
I never give up, though. I am just so SICK of being fat.
I don't know if anyone else reads what I write. I enjoy keeping a record of sorts.
All the creases and folds in my body that get sweaty and extremely smelly
the huge underwear I have to wear
not fitting into my bra right and always bubbling out over the top
not fitting into chairs or cars or seat belts or booths without a struggle (I hate booths)
meeting people for the first time and they get this look in their eyes
going swimming and coming out of the water and the weight just HITS ME SO HARD
not having the energy to do anything, even walking daily is a chore
I can never wear a belt or tuck in my shirts
I can't run or play frisbee with my kids on the front lawn
I never take them swimming or to amusement parks or camping or anything and I SAY it's because we don't have the money but the real reason is because I can't do those things myself because I'm fat
my clothes are old and ugly and stretched out from years of use and I hate them
I'm sure there's more, but the kids are up and I need to be Mom

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