Thursday, November 3, 2011

I Have Been Fat How Long? Good Gravy!

I remember being a skinny kid. I was picky. I played outside sometimes, but mostly I read and played the piano. I hit puberty late, around 14. And that's when it happened. Yes, I noticed that I wasn't the stick figure I'd always been, I was starting to get curvy. I was told that I had 'thunder thighs'. I couldn't have weighed more than 110, I was 5'9". Well. There you go. Somehow, overnight, I had become this hideous monster with a label for my body parts. Back in the 70s, fitness was just coming into vogue. Mostly everyone wore track suits so they would LOOK like they jogged and worked out. But not that many people did. My Mother, as long as I can remember, never hit over 150 pounds, but was always struggling to lose weight. She tried every single way to get down to 125. She tried all the newfangled ways to lose, with the longest being the fat free diet. She didn't eat any fat. Ever. She never lost that weight. Before she died, she told me it was the biggest waste of time, why did she even struggle and have it take over so much of her life? Why indeed? She was lied to. Like everyone else, she was lied to by the weight loss 'professionals' who said that that was THE WAY to lose weight. And how horrid the recipes I find of hers, using all that fat free stuff. The ingredients for cookies, cakes, pies, soups, casseroles, incredible how much you have to put in to take the flavor of fat! See, you can eat this bad food if you just take the fat out it! 
What bosh! 
I struggled so hard to 'lose weight', starting at the age of 14. I, too, did all the weird diets, the grapefruit diet, the hotdog diet, the only eat this bread you make from all these certain grains diet, the soup diet, Metabolife, Weigh Down, Weight Watchers, the one where you eat tons of protein, I think it's the atkins? I don't remember, the south beach diet, the one where you drink 2 shakes a day and have a meal at night. Good heavens look at that list! 
I wasn't super concerned when I was a teenager, I was shy and not popular, I remember wearing sizes 10-12. Where did I get this notion that I was fat? I wasn't heavy in the slightest. I look back on my old pictures and I am stunned. 
Boy when I got engaged at 19 I really was concerned. My husband to be thought I was fat too. Man, my Mother and I took up aerobics and worked so hard! I didn't lose any weight. I weighed 140 on my wedding day. And my husband thought I was fat. Well. There you go. Even from the beginning of my marriage I wasn't good enough was I? 
I was fine through the first couple of kids, but I got close to 200 which freaked me out so much, but man I was so busy chasing a 1 and 2 year old, I had no time to worry about me. So I did start weight watchers then. And it was there I learned all the weighing in 'tricks': wearing the lightest clothes possible, no shoes, going to the bathroom as much as possible before weighing, having a few 'good' excuses such as I'm bloated from my period or I don't know how I could have gained/stayed the same I was so good! 
Well it didn't work.
I got pregnant with #3 and hit 200 and have never looked back. I have not been under 200 since 1989.
Well fast forward 10 years, and I was 300. Where I pretty much stayed until my Mother died, then I shot up to 356, my highest KNOWN weight. Until 2 years ago, when I started my weight loss journey. I did get down to 264, but life happened and weight loss got pushed to the side, only pulled out when convenient. So my body of course obligingly stored all my food as fat and I hit 300 again. Sigh.
But I'm back in the saddle again. 
This time, though, I won't let myself get blindsided by marriage problems, kid problems, money problems, LIFE. I have thought I was fat and BEEN fat for 36 years. It is time for a change. 
I thankfully have all the tools I could possibly need at my disposal for success. 
No weird diet.
No hokey pills.
No forbidden foods.
No painful exercise that hurts my knees and ankles and threatens to rip off my breasts from all the bouncing and jumping.
No hunger.
No deprivation.
Wow doesn't that look good? Too bad I can't package and sell my weight loss 'system', I bet I could make a ton of money. Well, until someone actually read that all I do is eat 1500 calories of whatever I want and take a walk. That is so not marketable!
How glad I am that this simple, easy method is really the right one! You don't have to buy special foods, cook special meals just for you, or even have someone ELSE make the food for you and mail it to your house. No special exercise equipment or clothes. No fancy shakes. No silly 'cookies' or 'brownies' or 'snacks' that are disgusting and gross, and really aren't even that low in calories. 
How free I feel. How happy I am to know that at lunchtime I can waltz into my kitchen and have anything in there I want. I can have a chili dog. I can have a burrito. I can have pizza. I can have chips! I can even splurge on a can of root beer. 
I am free.

Walked the horseshoe.

Food for the Day:
Normal breakfast of capn crunch, milk, juice 200 cal
hotdog 130 cal
bread 70 cal
chips 160 cal
root beer!!! 160 cal
2 pieces of bacon 80 cal
1 french toast with syrup I think 200 calories?
milk 122 cal
I saved calories for a brownie after I got back from church but ended up going to Sonic with a friend and had mozarella sticks! Mmmmmmm they were good. Was fun to do that then wander around Walmart at 10:00 with her. 
So Moz sticks 440 cal
Grand total of 1621 calories, which is 121 over my limit, but I'm not stressing. I never ever leave my small town and go to sonic, so it was a fun treat.

Super cold and super rainy I just love it! Have my electric blanket on, warming my bed for me to snuggle under the covers. I love fall so much!
Now I have my sweet kitten Pollyanna sleeping on me so I can't move. Ah well. Too bad, off to bed!

Making wise choices even if it kills me,


  1. I enjoyed your history and have a somewhat similar one. Although the highest I got was 303.

    I thought I was fat in high school, too, how ridiculous was that? I was in fantastic shape.

    I eat a lot the way you do, too! Had a fish stick for dinner! Had 3-4 pieces of fun size Halloween candy today! etc.

  2. Hi Zaababy, so nice to see you back! :)

    I've found when I eat what I truly want, something that satisfies my tastebuds and my stomach, my brain then stops saying to me, "oooh, I wonder if there's something nice I could have in the kitchen...". And yes, not stressing if I wander off the straight and narrow a time or two, as long as I have my goals firmly set on the final destination.

  3. Good grief after reading your next post up, I have five kids and I homeschool, too. Curiouser and curiouser.