Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Day 150--No lists in this post, nope. Seriously! and my top secret method for losing weight !!!

Well what a week I've had. Many firsts so I present to you another list in a long line of lists.
*****The beginning of my interesting summation*****
  • I went with my daughter to a big marching band thing on Saturday. I then proceeded to not only walk all over a college campus, I also walked in a 5 mile parade. Me. And I will not lie, my leg muscles were sore the next day but I did it without much trouble. Okay, 56 pounds ago, I wouldn't have even GONE with my daughter. See how fat has controlled my life?
  • I leaped over a muddy ditch. Feels weird even to write that. I haven't leaped for oh lets say YEARS. And I didn't trip, or slip and kill myself, or have my ankle turn under me or anything. Oddly enough, this is the thing I'm most thrilled about.
  • I am wearing crew socks that are PULLED UP and not folded down around my ankle.
  • Every day I love now. Even ones that could technically be classified as bad. My body is changing so pleasantly, as compared to before when I could only helplessly watch as I grew out of all my clothes and more and more unable to perform the simplest tasks without great effort. I joy in how the shower feels so big and roomy. I revel in the selection of clothes I have--no more being worried if a shirt is going to be long enough to hide my stomach, or how tight my pants are, or how my obscenely large breasts bubble over the top of my bra. And then after I'm dressed, I strike a pose for my mirror and my heart leaps with happiness. I can remember countless days when I never even looked in a mirror.
  • Stairs don't freak me out like they used to. I avoided stairs as much as possible. Going up and down them was such torture. Now I just walk up and down them. There would be months at a time that I wouldn't even go upstairs in my own house. Okay typing that looked very sad.
  • Yesterday was my son's birthday AND Day 2 of homecoming week at the high school. So I not only had all my extra cooking for the bday dinner but my daughter had signed me up to make two pans of chocolate caramel brownies for her float site AND I ended up having to deliver them in the cold rain to the said site. Where I am thankful to say those teenagers devoured them in about 10 seconds. I love when everyone loves what I bake. Okay so anyways, I made my son's favorite dinner that he asked for: tuna casserole, green beans, monkey bread and devilled eggs, with peanut butter brownies and butterfinger icecream for dessert. I didn't have any dough on hand so I made the roll dough for the monkey bread. See my point of this long and drawn out thing is that I actually did all that stuff and it wasn't strenuous at all. Which is in complete contrast to my performing the simplest of cooking duties and having to lay on the bed for a while to rest. I guess I'm getting more stamina? Helps to not have 56 more pounds to haul around all day. (besides my own crew of 8 our guests were: my daughter who is living with my in-laws, my nephew who just happened to be passing through, and 4 friends of my son.)
  • My king size bed used to feel small. Now it's just so big, I have lots of room on my side. This stuff just always makes me marvel.
  • We've had a ton of cold rain lately, it smells like worms outside which I HATE WITH A PASSION when it smells like worms, temps have dropped dramatically and the trees are gorgeous.
  • We have a new kitten. Yes, I know, I'm a sucker for cats, we all are. The kids were outside playing Ghosts in the Graveyard and found this kitten. Skin and bones folks, this thing was like a sack of skin with bones poking out everywhere. Poor thing! But lots of food and loves and kisses have done wonders. His name is Michael Finnigan. Which goes quite well with our other two cats: Ninja Cobra and Elora Dannan. He's a long haired tiger and quite possibly the cutest kitten I've ever seen in my life.
  • I gathered up every single sock in this house, washed them all, and then SORTED THEM. Okay you have to understand how much I hate socks. I could go on and on in minute detail about it but I will spare you and just remind you I have 8 children. This is one chore I have had hanging over my shoulders for ever so long. I decided I was just sick of it and mad at myself and just did it. Wow I just did it, after dreading it for so long and it wasn't bad at all. I'm making a list of everything I am sick of around here, housewise.
  • Everyone--okay literally--everyone is happy for me as I lose weight. All of my family, my kid's friends, people at church, okay not strangers but you know what I mean. Kind of makes me feel a bit weird that they're so glad because I was so obese before and I was hoping nobody noticed. I love being in the spotlight anyways, this is just icing on the cake.
**Yes, I'm done*******

When I decided to lose weight on May 19th, I had a hazy idea of how it would be: deprivation, sore muscles, years of horribleness, and finally happiness when I hit my goal. I am amazed that I am enjoying it all as much as I am. Since I can eat anything I want, I feel no deprivation. (Portioned folks, don't have a heart attack) Yes the muscles were sore at first and still do get that way at times depending on my activity but it's not as big a deal as I thought it would be. The horribleness? There hasn't been any. It's not horrible to weigh and measure my food. It makes me feel good to do that. It's not horrible to take a lovely walk at all. I look forward to it. It's not horrible to smile at myself in the mirror. It's not horrible to have people stop me in the grocery store and say Have you lost weight? I almost didn't recognize you! After just 56 pounds incredible! Oh yes I have discovered the top secret method for losing weight.
There. Even if I think I 'mess up' in some stupid way I just keep on. I don't decide to throw the day to the wind and eat whatever I want just because I took a taste of brownie batter. Every time I've lost weight I would nervously wait for the moment when I would do one thing wrong. Because see I had to be perfect to lose weight, and perfectly follow the diet rules: no fat or sugar in my food, lots of vegetables and fruits and cottage cheese and yogurt and chicken breasts daily exercise and NO cookies, brownies, hotdogs, Lucky Charms, Captain Crunch, 2% milk, cheeseburgers, potato chips and NO missing one day of exercise ever for any reason. If I put one toe out of line well that was it, I was a failure, I can't do this, I'm going to be fat for the rest of my life, and pretty much it was all done right then.
Having everyone know I'm losing weight instead of my normal top secret method helps a whole lot. I am changing how I live, and not just being 'good' for certain amount of time.
Okay so happy autumn folks. My birthday is in 10 days. I have been asking for an ipod but I'm pretty sure it won't happen. Money only stretches so far amiright? Hugs to all of you who read this far!


  1. My favorite motto is there is no such thing as failure. And giving up is not acceptable :)
    Love your list!

  2. wow...I needed to read this today! I totally love your outlook and am trying to have the same view myself (and do most days). Recently I've been working hard but not seeing scale results and I've gotten so fixated on that number. I should be happy, enjoy each day, that I can more better and such. Thanks for such an upbeat post today! Your doing awesome

  3. Thank you so much for your lists. Sounds goofy, I know, but they usually bring me to the brink of tears. Not sad kind of tears, but tears of hope, and joy, and of being touched deeply with how it will be for me, too, someday....of wanting those great everyday little triumphs that come from losing the weight!!!

    My favorite line:..."my heart leaps with happiness..."

  4. I didn't know you have 8 children. Now I see it on the sidebar - but hadn't noticed it. I have 7!! Mine are ages 2 to 19.

    I love all of these things you listed. I think that unless you've fought obesity things like fitting nicely onto a bed aren't appreciated. I still marvel at those types of "fitting in" situations.

  5. I wish you lived in GA so I could beg you to be my friend and walking partner.

    It is so exciting to hear your excitement about losing 56 pounds and how great you feel even though you still have a lot to lose. I hope that doesn't sound mean. . . because I certainly don't mean it that way. It's just that I'm about your weight now and I am not feeling so hot!!

    I had a turning point on July 4, but had a big depression crash that took me off course. I'm just getting back on track counting my 1500 calories but not so great about the walking.

    I'm going to go back and look at the beginnings of your journey for some more fire to stoke me.

    Thanks, Zaa (do you by chance live in Southeastern MO?)

  6. I love your lists Zaa. Hey--I have given you a gorgeous blogger award. Stop by and pick it up.

  7. I love cats, too! I want to see a picture of your new furry purry.

    Love your list. Glad you are feeling so great.

  8. Great list....I so need to read it again!