Teenagers. Someone once said when kids turn 16 you seal them in a barrel and pass them food and water through a hole. Then when they turn 18 you plug the hole. I tell you what. I am just going to lose my mind. I tell my daughter that she's been gone too much and she has to spend the entire afternoon/evening with her family and she is completely outraged. It would have been funny if it was someone else's kid.
I didn't pay attention to time today, and was fighting the urge to eat (stupidly) and then just a bit ago I realized I wasn't eating frequently enough, I'd skipped my snack so no wonder I was feeling frantic. I had a few fritos; a couple bites of a cookie; some gummy worms. If I had had my head together, I could have had a nice bit of a snack! I didn't go over my calories, not by a long shot, but it was still quite disconcerting to find myself out of control like that--all because I was hungry. I should have just calmly gotten something to eat.
So tomorrow I will pay more attention to time and make sure to eat my snacks. Sometimes I am such a big baby. I was really getting upset with myself over this earlier. This whole thing with my daughter isn't helping either.
Food for the day:
2 pieces bacon 80
1 egg 90
1 toast 70
butter 51
oj 84
2 tostadas 280
5 gummy worms 68
handful of fritos 80
3 bites of a cookie 72
1 1/2 pizzas made on english muffin halves I think around 350 calories, I'm making it kind of high because I didn't weigh or measure anything when I made them (I made 2 dozen of these things the kids wiped them out can you believe it)
Total 1231
No walk even though it was beautiful and sunny out! The day just got away from me.
My son is having severe headaches, so he is scheduled for a cat scan on Friday AM. He thinks it's cool but I'm terrified they're going to find a tumor and he'll have 3 months to live. No wonder my son calls me 'worst-case-scenario-mom'. Pray for him. And me too.
Making wise choices even when I don't think I am,
Laura
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Learning to Deal with Wanting More
Today has just been one of those days.
First, my 16 year old son Sam has been sick off and on since he got back from working at camp all summer. He has already missed 7 days of school this semester. So he has been suffering from massive headaches for 1 1/2 weeks, diarrhea, nausea, can't sleep, not hungry, and oddly nightmares. Took him to the doctor today, and we're scheduled for a cat scan, a very comprehensive eye exam, they did blood work. I am trying not to freak out, but seriously, that is what I am best at.
So I'm praying a lot, and when I don't know what to do, I take the advice of Elisabeth Elliot and I do the next thing. So this afternoon I folded clothes; went to the grocery store; made pancakes and sausage for dinner. Now I am writing this post. When I am done I will clean the kitchen. And finish up the laundry. I just feel tired today.
And this wanting more crud. Did I really think I would be able to change everything just because I decided to lose weight? Of course I'm still going to be greedy and want more because that's the way I was for YEARS! I can't let this derail me. Just because I think or feel I want more doesn't mean I am a failure. It doesn't mean I will never lose weight. It always takes me by surprise. I ate lunch today, and was full, and I had this hankering for something, anything, just so I could be eating. And I ate my lunch nice and slow. I had to say no. Man it's almost painful this desire that comes over me, it's like I have to have something right now and it's panicky. Saying no doesn't hurt at all, which always surprises me, and as I move on I quickly forget about it.
I will probably want more tonight. And tomorrow. And when that happens I can't let myself get upset, because it's going to happen, and it's okay to want more, I will just not give in.
I'm sorry to go on I was just pouring my thoughts out in here.
Food I ate:
cocoa puffs 120
milk 81
french bread pizza 380
chips 160
root beer 160
pancake with syrup 200
2 sausage 150
milk 120
1.5 oz M&M's 70
No walk because of the rain, but it should be clearing up tonight and we'll have bright sunny skies tomorrow.
I hope I get a good night's sleep tonight. I haven't been sleeping well for some reason.
Making wise choices even through the tough times,
Laura
First, my 16 year old son Sam has been sick off and on since he got back from working at camp all summer. He has already missed 7 days of school this semester. So he has been suffering from massive headaches for 1 1/2 weeks, diarrhea, nausea, can't sleep, not hungry, and oddly nightmares. Took him to the doctor today, and we're scheduled for a cat scan, a very comprehensive eye exam, they did blood work. I am trying not to freak out, but seriously, that is what I am best at.
So I'm praying a lot, and when I don't know what to do, I take the advice of Elisabeth Elliot and I do the next thing. So this afternoon I folded clothes; went to the grocery store; made pancakes and sausage for dinner. Now I am writing this post. When I am done I will clean the kitchen. And finish up the laundry. I just feel tired today.
And this wanting more crud. Did I really think I would be able to change everything just because I decided to lose weight? Of course I'm still going to be greedy and want more because that's the way I was for YEARS! I can't let this derail me. Just because I think or feel I want more doesn't mean I am a failure. It doesn't mean I will never lose weight. It always takes me by surprise. I ate lunch today, and was full, and I had this hankering for something, anything, just so I could be eating. And I ate my lunch nice and slow. I had to say no. Man it's almost painful this desire that comes over me, it's like I have to have something right now and it's panicky. Saying no doesn't hurt at all, which always surprises me, and as I move on I quickly forget about it.
I will probably want more tonight. And tomorrow. And when that happens I can't let myself get upset, because it's going to happen, and it's okay to want more, I will just not give in.
I'm sorry to go on I was just pouring my thoughts out in here.
Food I ate:
cocoa puffs 120
milk 81
french bread pizza 380
chips 160
root beer 160
pancake with syrup 200
2 sausage 150
milk 120
1.5 oz M&M's 70
No walk because of the rain, but it should be clearing up tonight and we'll have bright sunny skies tomorrow.
I hope I get a good night's sleep tonight. I haven't been sleeping well for some reason.
Making wise choices even through the tough times,
Laura
Monday, November 7, 2011
It's Raining a Whole Lot!
Yes, rain has hit the midwest and all I can think of is I hope some trickles down to Texas. We needed rain bad but I think they need it worse.
So no walk today. Rachel and I did some errands and then I have been chained to my washer and dryer, folding, folding. And I officially do NOT like Lucy the kitten anymore. You would not BELIEVE the amount of little poo piles I have found in the dirty clothes. Ugh!
This morning, my husband let her in the house and she went right to the rug in the kitchen and poohed right there. Yep. She was like 6 inches from the litter box. She so wants to be an outdoor kitty, even a barn kitty I can feel it!!! Thankfully Pollyanna is a good sweet darling kitten and uses the litter box consistently. This has become a sore trial for me!
I make my own detergent now. I can tell you are totally impressed. I found a recipe on the Duggar family website and I make the dry, not the liquid. I have a front loader, so I use 1 T of this detergent. Yes, you read that right. One tablespoon.
So I made a triple batch today. I had all the inexpensive ingredients in my cabinet already, so thankfully I didn't need to buy any of them since we are strapped to the gills. I feel so proud of myself for doing this! And the best part is it is just like store bought detergent but much much cheaper and eco friendly!
Today I struggled with wanting more. No reason. I just wanted more. Just one of those things I'm going to have to deal with. Why do I want more? At lunch I just didn't feel satisfied with what I ate. Okay I have to make a decision here. Either I am doing something wrong or I once again am facing sabotage from my evil inner Laura, the one who always tries to destroy everything.
So I'm going to continue planning my calories and walking and if I want more, tough. What, am I going to starve to death? Hahahahahahaha! It would probably take me like 3 years to starve to death.
I AM NOT GOING TO STARVE if I don't give in to this.
I'm kinda tired of posting what I ate for the day but I'm doing it anyways and you can skip it if you want. It's for me, not you.
Food I ate:
cocoa puffs 120
milk 60
mcdouble and small fry 616 cal
1/2 c chili 149
1 slice american cheese 60
1 serving of fritos 160
No walk but yay it's raining and raining.
Do you know how hard it is to take 3 dogs outside to go to the bathroom when they're all terrified of getting wet and won't go? It's fun.
I think my blog is hard to read so I am trying to change things up a bit. Putting in paragraphs, changing the color and setup of my blog, stuff like that. I don't even know how many people read this anymore. I was gone for a bit.
Oh, my husband goes out of town on Wednesday and I get to be MomDad while he's gone for the week. Fun in the sun! Not really. I hate being in charge of everything, the dogs, the trash, carting kids around, the discipline, the chores, everything. It's not even like a party when he's gone, I miss him so. Well, one good thing, I can stay up as late as I want on the computer in my bedroom and he won't complain of the clacking of the keyboard and the clicking of the mouse.
Making wise choices, evil Laura, whether you like it or not,
Good Laura
So no walk today. Rachel and I did some errands and then I have been chained to my washer and dryer, folding, folding. And I officially do NOT like Lucy the kitten anymore. You would not BELIEVE the amount of little poo piles I have found in the dirty clothes. Ugh!
This morning, my husband let her in the house and she went right to the rug in the kitchen and poohed right there. Yep. She was like 6 inches from the litter box. She so wants to be an outdoor kitty, even a barn kitty I can feel it!!! Thankfully Pollyanna is a good sweet darling kitten and uses the litter box consistently. This has become a sore trial for me!
I make my own detergent now. I can tell you are totally impressed. I found a recipe on the Duggar family website and I make the dry, not the liquid. I have a front loader, so I use 1 T of this detergent. Yes, you read that right. One tablespoon.
So I made a triple batch today. I had all the inexpensive ingredients in my cabinet already, so thankfully I didn't need to buy any of them since we are strapped to the gills. I feel so proud of myself for doing this! And the best part is it is just like store bought detergent but much much cheaper and eco friendly!
Today I struggled with wanting more. No reason. I just wanted more. Just one of those things I'm going to have to deal with. Why do I want more? At lunch I just didn't feel satisfied with what I ate. Okay I have to make a decision here. Either I am doing something wrong or I once again am facing sabotage from my evil inner Laura, the one who always tries to destroy everything.
So I'm going to continue planning my calories and walking and if I want more, tough. What, am I going to starve to death? Hahahahahahaha! It would probably take me like 3 years to starve to death.
I AM NOT GOING TO STARVE if I don't give in to this.
I'm kinda tired of posting what I ate for the day but I'm doing it anyways and you can skip it if you want. It's for me, not you.
Food I ate:
cocoa puffs 120
milk 60
mcdouble and small fry 616 cal
1/2 c chili 149
1 slice american cheese 60
1 serving of fritos 160
No walk but yay it's raining and raining.
Do you know how hard it is to take 3 dogs outside to go to the bathroom when they're all terrified of getting wet and won't go? It's fun.
I think my blog is hard to read so I am trying to change things up a bit. Putting in paragraphs, changing the color and setup of my blog, stuff like that. I don't even know how many people read this anymore. I was gone for a bit.
Oh, my husband goes out of town on Wednesday and I get to be MomDad while he's gone for the week. Fun in the sun! Not really. I hate being in charge of everything, the dogs, the trash, carting kids around, the discipline, the chores, everything. It's not even like a party when he's gone, I miss him so. Well, one good thing, I can stay up as late as I want on the computer in my bedroom and he won't complain of the clacking of the keyboard and the clicking of the mouse.
Making wise choices, evil Laura, whether you like it or not,
Good Laura
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I Love Food
I love food.
I love to cook it.
I love the way it smells.
I love the different textures of it.
I just love it.
I hate that I was this out of control crazed being when it came to food.
I hate that I ate so much food that I ended up at my highest known weight of 356.
If I liked to drink, I know I would be an alcoholic. A really bad one.
If I used drugs, I would be the worst of the worse. Probably strung out on meth.
Instead, I use food, and I am fat.
If I did use drugs or alcohol, I could quit them completely and be done. But. With food, I still have to eat. Everyday. For the rest of my life.
So I have to learn to deal with food, with my attitude towards it, because it's not going to go away.
It's like I have this inner self who is bent on my total destruction through overeating. I eat a cookie. I want another. I have one helping of chips. I want to grab the bag and just shove chips in my mouth. I drive by Taco Bell. I want to hit the drive-thru--even if I have just eaten--and get some chalupas. Why am I like this? How did I come to this?
People all over the world eat and have normal lives and are not heavy. They eat breakfast lunch and dinner, they have cake and ice cream at birthday parties, they go to football games and drink beer and eat hotdogs, and they stay the same size. How? Why can't I? Why does food have to be this conscious decision? Why do I have to feel guilty for eating ONE cookie?
It's as if there's this secret club that I am not nor ever will be part of. The club of people who stay the same weight all the time. My husband is in the club. My husband's family is in this club. My Dad is. Is my body made up differently?
I remember being young and not even ever thinking about my weight. I just was a kid, I liked certain foods, I didn't like others. I don't remember it being a very big deal.
I remember being pregnant with my very first son and being horrified to buy maternity underwear--it was waist high! I had always worn bikini underwear.
When you walk down a flight of stairs, you don't take one step and you're at the bottom. You walk down them one by one. And so it was with my weight gain. It wasn't just one incident. It was a series of things:
I got married and discovered I could eat exactly what I liked when I liked
I had 2 babies in 2 years and didn't lose the weight
I then struggled a bit with losing but wasn't much successful because
I starting pumping out those babies on the assembly line. Yes, 4 years after I had my first 2, I had a baby every other year until I filled my quiver with 8 little arrows. And ended up at 300 pounds.
My Mother passed away from cancer and I sunk down into depression and ended up at 356, but it could have been more, because I didn't weigh myself until 10 days after I started on my journey.
WOW.
I know all kinds of women who have more kids than me and they are as thin as a stick.
How!!!!!!!!
Why aren't I!!!!!!!!
Sigh.
So here I am, at the whopping age of 50, trying to get a handle on myself. Because I sure don't want to struggle with eating more than 1 cookie until the day I die. I want to lose my weight and be DONE. I want to eat normally, healthfully, and not be eyeing second helpings of dessert while everyone else is totally done eating and just enjoying talking. I don't want to fight the lure of fast food every time I drive by it. I just want to see food for what it is: it fuels my body, and helps me live.
Such ramblings. These are my thoughts today. Not sure if they are even coherent.
Food for the day:
Cereal 120
milk 60
juice 40
Big turkey dinner at church where I had one small helping of
turkey
mashed potatoes and gravy
green bean casserole
2 rolls. they were that good.
1 small piece of the cake I made.
I really don't know the calories and I don't want to overeat at dinner.
Dinner was 1/2 can of tuna with 1 T miracle whip 90
1 piece of bread 70
1 serving of chips 160
1 cookie 200
So I'm just putting it at 1500 calories and calling it a day.
And I am so wiped out I didn't take a walk but ah well, my hip was hurting so bad yesterday maybe it's good to take a break.
Making wise choices even at a church potluck,
Laura
I love to cook it.
I love the way it smells.
I love the different textures of it.
I just love it.
I hate that I was this out of control crazed being when it came to food.
I hate that I ate so much food that I ended up at my highest known weight of 356.
If I liked to drink, I know I would be an alcoholic. A really bad one.
If I used drugs, I would be the worst of the worse. Probably strung out on meth.
Instead, I use food, and I am fat.
If I did use drugs or alcohol, I could quit them completely and be done. But. With food, I still have to eat. Everyday. For the rest of my life.
So I have to learn to deal with food, with my attitude towards it, because it's not going to go away.
It's like I have this inner self who is bent on my total destruction through overeating. I eat a cookie. I want another. I have one helping of chips. I want to grab the bag and just shove chips in my mouth. I drive by Taco Bell. I want to hit the drive-thru--even if I have just eaten--and get some chalupas. Why am I like this? How did I come to this?
People all over the world eat and have normal lives and are not heavy. They eat breakfast lunch and dinner, they have cake and ice cream at birthday parties, they go to football games and drink beer and eat hotdogs, and they stay the same size. How? Why can't I? Why does food have to be this conscious decision? Why do I have to feel guilty for eating ONE cookie?
It's as if there's this secret club that I am not nor ever will be part of. The club of people who stay the same weight all the time. My husband is in the club. My husband's family is in this club. My Dad is. Is my body made up differently?
I remember being young and not even ever thinking about my weight. I just was a kid, I liked certain foods, I didn't like others. I don't remember it being a very big deal.
I remember being pregnant with my very first son and being horrified to buy maternity underwear--it was waist high! I had always worn bikini underwear.
When you walk down a flight of stairs, you don't take one step and you're at the bottom. You walk down them one by one. And so it was with my weight gain. It wasn't just one incident. It was a series of things:
I got married and discovered I could eat exactly what I liked when I liked
I had 2 babies in 2 years and didn't lose the weight
I then struggled a bit with losing but wasn't much successful because
I starting pumping out those babies on the assembly line. Yes, 4 years after I had my first 2, I had a baby every other year until I filled my quiver with 8 little arrows. And ended up at 300 pounds.
My Mother passed away from cancer and I sunk down into depression and ended up at 356, but it could have been more, because I didn't weigh myself until 10 days after I started on my journey.
WOW.
I know all kinds of women who have more kids than me and they are as thin as a stick.
How!!!!!!!!
Why aren't I!!!!!!!!
Sigh.
So here I am, at the whopping age of 50, trying to get a handle on myself. Because I sure don't want to struggle with eating more than 1 cookie until the day I die. I want to lose my weight and be DONE. I want to eat normally, healthfully, and not be eyeing second helpings of dessert while everyone else is totally done eating and just enjoying talking. I don't want to fight the lure of fast food every time I drive by it. I just want to see food for what it is: it fuels my body, and helps me live.
Such ramblings. These are my thoughts today. Not sure if they are even coherent.
Food for the day:
Cereal 120
milk 60
juice 40
Big turkey dinner at church where I had one small helping of
turkey
mashed potatoes and gravy
green bean casserole
2 rolls. they were that good.
1 small piece of the cake I made.
I really don't know the calories and I don't want to overeat at dinner.
Dinner was 1/2 can of tuna with 1 T miracle whip 90
1 piece of bread 70
1 serving of chips 160
1 cookie 200
So I'm just putting it at 1500 calories and calling it a day.
And I am so wiped out I didn't take a walk but ah well, my hip was hurting so bad yesterday maybe it's good to take a break.
Making wise choices even at a church potluck,
Laura
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Weigh Day and BP checkup results are in!
We all talk to ourselves. And funnily enough, we say stuff we would NEVER say to another person. I talked incredibly hateful to myself. This is a sample of what I used to say:
I am a pig. A big, fat pig. I will never lose weight, ever. I am doomed to get fatter and fatter as time goes on. I hate my blobby glutinous self. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, what's the point? I can't change anything about my looks. I am helpless when food calls my name. I don't even want to know how much I weigh. Why even look at calorie information? Why even bother to say no to any foods ever? It won't make a difference. I'm going to be fat until the day I die, and they won't even be able to find a coffin big enough for me. My kids are embarrassed to introduce me as their Mother. My husband is embarrassed to introduce me as his wife. I can see the disgust in people's eyes when I meet them the first time. I hate everybody and I hate everything and I hate myself most of all.
But this is what I say to myself now:
I am focused. I am determined. I am going to do this. I am finally going to achieve my dreams. What do I want, more food? or to be thin? I have had more food my entire life and it has only brought me misery and despair. Today I will say no to food that is not within my calorie budget and it will bring me joy. Today I will walk, even though it is hard, and long, and my muscles are sore. Today I feel exultation in my decision to lose weight.
What we say to ourselves is either going to make things worse or build us up. I would never tell a friend she is a failure, just give up and go grab that bag of chips in the kitchen, she's never going to lose that weight anyways. Would you? Yet I have told myself that oodles of times. Changing my attitude is key to my weight loss. So is planning ahead for the food I will eat. Like tonight. We're having hamburgers fries and mac & cheese. I know what I will be eating. I will have a hamburger (that I pre-weighed on my food scale so I can have a quarter pounder!) with a slice of cheese melted on it, no bun, 3 oz of fries (1 serving) and no mac & cheese unless it turns out incredibly yummy looking which it usually never does. If it DOES, then I will only have 1/2 cup it's so high in calories.
See how easy that was? Stuff like this makes me hug myself. I feel so in control of what I eat and I never used to, ever. I would fight temptation and fight it and fight it and finally just give in with an oh well who cares. Now when temptation comes I don't even listen. I refuse.
I walked the horseshoe. For some reason my right knee and hip hurt and today was especially difficult. I stopped several times. I hate getting old.
Food I ate:
1 serving cocoa puffs 120
splash of milk
4 oz milk 60 (I love milk and take my pills with it every morning)
1 Red Baron pepperoni french toast pizza 380
1 serving ruffles queso chips 160
1 homemade M&M cookie I just love these things so much. They are my favorite cookie in the whole world. I ate it slowly and savored every. single. bite. I think I am guessing 200 calories per? (Which is why I have only one. I used to eat 5 with a huge glass of milk. And then 5 more later in the evening with another glass of milk. Wow. Dang that is a lot of calories!)
1 hamburger and fries and 1 slice of cheese.
A taste of cake batter and icing that I made for the potluck tomorrow
This time around, I am using an app called 'Loseit'. You can get it for your phone or if you use google chrome on your computer. Great place to log in your food and exercise for the day, also they have a very active forum. If you join, friend me. I am 'lajoward' and would love to have friends in that community.
And now what everyone has been waiting for: My weigh day results!!!
I slept in til after 11 (!) then got up, dressed, and moseyed over to the clinic 1 block away. I love small towns. I just walked in to the back, and hopped on the scale. 302?! Wow I lost 5 pounds in 1 week! Way to go Laura! They had time to check my bp, clinic was slow for once, and it was 120/60! Woooot! So positive results for me. 9 pounds in 2 weeks? I'll take that. And of course I am horribly impatient. I want to see changes NOW. And I kind of do--my face looks thinner. I'll take that. I don't care if anybody else sees it, I do. The way I can tell is my mouth looks bigger, if that's even possible. Now if my gargantuan breasts and stomach will also look smaller--man what a day when those things go down eh?
Don't forget to turn your clocks back. I am going to enjoy my extra hour of sleep!
Making wise choices as fun as fun can be,
Laura
I am a pig. A big, fat pig. I will never lose weight, ever. I am doomed to get fatter and fatter as time goes on. I hate my blobby glutinous self. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, what's the point? I can't change anything about my looks. I am helpless when food calls my name. I don't even want to know how much I weigh. Why even look at calorie information? Why even bother to say no to any foods ever? It won't make a difference. I'm going to be fat until the day I die, and they won't even be able to find a coffin big enough for me. My kids are embarrassed to introduce me as their Mother. My husband is embarrassed to introduce me as his wife. I can see the disgust in people's eyes when I meet them the first time. I hate everybody and I hate everything and I hate myself most of all.
But this is what I say to myself now:
I am focused. I am determined. I am going to do this. I am finally going to achieve my dreams. What do I want, more food? or to be thin? I have had more food my entire life and it has only brought me misery and despair. Today I will say no to food that is not within my calorie budget and it will bring me joy. Today I will walk, even though it is hard, and long, and my muscles are sore. Today I feel exultation in my decision to lose weight.
What we say to ourselves is either going to make things worse or build us up. I would never tell a friend she is a failure, just give up and go grab that bag of chips in the kitchen, she's never going to lose that weight anyways. Would you? Yet I have told myself that oodles of times. Changing my attitude is key to my weight loss. So is planning ahead for the food I will eat. Like tonight. We're having hamburgers fries and mac & cheese. I know what I will be eating. I will have a hamburger (that I pre-weighed on my food scale so I can have a quarter pounder!) with a slice of cheese melted on it, no bun, 3 oz of fries (1 serving) and no mac & cheese unless it turns out incredibly yummy looking which it usually never does. If it DOES, then I will only have 1/2 cup it's so high in calories.
See how easy that was? Stuff like this makes me hug myself. I feel so in control of what I eat and I never used to, ever. I would fight temptation and fight it and fight it and finally just give in with an oh well who cares. Now when temptation comes I don't even listen. I refuse.
I walked the horseshoe. For some reason my right knee and hip hurt and today was especially difficult. I stopped several times. I hate getting old.
Food I ate:
1 serving cocoa puffs 120
splash of milk
4 oz milk 60 (I love milk and take my pills with it every morning)
1 Red Baron pepperoni french toast pizza 380
1 serving ruffles queso chips 160
1 homemade M&M cookie I just love these things so much. They are my favorite cookie in the whole world. I ate it slowly and savored every. single. bite. I think I am guessing 200 calories per? (Which is why I have only one. I used to eat 5 with a huge glass of milk. And then 5 more later in the evening with another glass of milk. Wow. Dang that is a lot of calories!)
1 hamburger and fries and 1 slice of cheese.
A taste of cake batter and icing that I made for the potluck tomorrow
This time around, I am using an app called 'Loseit'. You can get it for your phone or if you use google chrome on your computer. Great place to log in your food and exercise for the day, also they have a very active forum. If you join, friend me. I am 'lajoward' and would love to have friends in that community.
And now what everyone has been waiting for: My weigh day results!!!
I slept in til after 11 (!) then got up, dressed, and moseyed over to the clinic 1 block away. I love small towns. I just walked in to the back, and hopped on the scale. 302?! Wow I lost 5 pounds in 1 week! Way to go Laura! They had time to check my bp, clinic was slow for once, and it was 120/60! Woooot! So positive results for me. 9 pounds in 2 weeks? I'll take that. And of course I am horribly impatient. I want to see changes NOW. And I kind of do--my face looks thinner. I'll take that. I don't care if anybody else sees it, I do. The way I can tell is my mouth looks bigger, if that's even possible. Now if my gargantuan breasts and stomach will also look smaller--man what a day when those things go down eh?
Don't forget to turn your clocks back. I am going to enjoy my extra hour of sleep!
Making wise choices as fun as fun can be,
Laura
Friday, November 4, 2011
Sometimes I Think We Know Too Much
There is just so much information about nutrition and weight loss out there. You can find it through google, books, television, friends, family. In all my life, I have only known ONE person who has never dieted, was stick thin, and couldn't gain weight if she tried. She is actually what I would call gaunt, with kind of a yellowish complexion. Everybody else, from my Grandmother who was always trying to lose 10 pounds, my Mother, always trying to lose 25 pounds (or 15 or 10 or whatever would get her to 125), ladies at church, friends in my neighborhood, cousins oh I could go on.
I can figure out the calories of pretty much anything I eat. I can also figure out how many calories I burned through any type of exercise, even sleeping!
And science helps so much, don't they? They tell us what is bad and what is good. Remember when eggs were bad? Now they're good. Remember when bread/carbs was bad? Some people think they're good now and others don't. Did you know seaweed is in now? Yes, it's the new hit diet food.
I can't believe how swayed I have been my entire life on what the 'experts' have to tell me about the food I eat. I have always been glad I liked dairy stuff, because of the nutrition in eggs and milk and cheese. You know, the people a few generations ago would have egg and milk mixed together to help them get over sicknesses and regain their strength. But now they are on the no no list too--milk is only good if its skim (white water I call it), fat free cheeses are acceptable, egg beaters all the way!!!! Okay I never use any of those at all.
I think we know too much about weight loss that it boggles the mind. It makes us question everything. I have friends who are doing the Atkins diet. I have friends who are eating 1200 calories but it's all this weird stuff like kashi cereal (please don't say how wonderful it is, if you do like then I am glad, I think it's ridiculously expensive and kind of icky) and 'healthy' foods that you normally don't eat. How long do you think this will last? (Not long) And others who won't eat sugars or white flour or processed meats or dairy of any kind and it's funny, they seem to feel superior to the rest of us mortals who haven't discovered the 'answer', the 'secret' to weight loss. Am I losing weight the right way? That person over there drinks shakes and eats protein bars. That lady takes pills that make her poo in her pants but oh, it's worth it. (? Um, no.) Another takes a prescription pill from her doctor that is pretty much legalized speed, it reduces her appetite and gives her energy. The weirdest diets seem to get the most attention.
Doctors have, as long as I can remember, said to lose weight you have to eat less and exercise more. They never ever said to eat only certain foods and don't eat others and do this specific form of exercise. And I like the generic way they tell us.
It gives me the freedom to ignore the latest fads, ignore people who email me and worry because I'm not eating enough 'nutritious' foods. All foods have nutrition.
You could walk down a city street and I defy you to tell me who doesn't eat white flour, or never eats fat, or refined sugar. Healthwise I think it's all the same. Which is why I gleefully embrace the ability to eat exactly what I want.
My food for the day:
Normal breakfast 200 cal
french bread pizza 380
chips 160
1/2 c homemade chili 149 I really hope that's right
1 slice american cheese 60
14 g fritos 80
1 homemade M&M cookie--I am thinking 200? It feels like 200
3 small bites of a pineapple ice cream dessert and I have no idea what that was so I am just assigning it 200 cal and calling it a day.
Total: 1490
I walked the horseshoe.
I weigh tomorrow and get my bp checked.
Making wise choices joyfully,
Laura
I can figure out the calories of pretty much anything I eat. I can also figure out how many calories I burned through any type of exercise, even sleeping!
And science helps so much, don't they? They tell us what is bad and what is good. Remember when eggs were bad? Now they're good. Remember when bread/carbs was bad? Some people think they're good now and others don't. Did you know seaweed is in now? Yes, it's the new hit diet food.
I can't believe how swayed I have been my entire life on what the 'experts' have to tell me about the food I eat. I have always been glad I liked dairy stuff, because of the nutrition in eggs and milk and cheese. You know, the people a few generations ago would have egg and milk mixed together to help them get over sicknesses and regain their strength. But now they are on the no no list too--milk is only good if its skim (white water I call it), fat free cheeses are acceptable, egg beaters all the way!!!! Okay I never use any of those at all.
I think we know too much about weight loss that it boggles the mind. It makes us question everything. I have friends who are doing the Atkins diet. I have friends who are eating 1200 calories but it's all this weird stuff like kashi cereal (please don't say how wonderful it is, if you do like then I am glad, I think it's ridiculously expensive and kind of icky) and 'healthy' foods that you normally don't eat. How long do you think this will last? (Not long) And others who won't eat sugars or white flour or processed meats or dairy of any kind and it's funny, they seem to feel superior to the rest of us mortals who haven't discovered the 'answer', the 'secret' to weight loss. Am I losing weight the right way? That person over there drinks shakes and eats protein bars. That lady takes pills that make her poo in her pants but oh, it's worth it. (? Um, no.) Another takes a prescription pill from her doctor that is pretty much legalized speed, it reduces her appetite and gives her energy. The weirdest diets seem to get the most attention.
Doctors have, as long as I can remember, said to lose weight you have to eat less and exercise more. They never ever said to eat only certain foods and don't eat others and do this specific form of exercise. And I like the generic way they tell us.
It gives me the freedom to ignore the latest fads, ignore people who email me and worry because I'm not eating enough 'nutritious' foods. All foods have nutrition.
You could walk down a city street and I defy you to tell me who doesn't eat white flour, or never eats fat, or refined sugar. Healthwise I think it's all the same. Which is why I gleefully embrace the ability to eat exactly what I want.
My food for the day:
Normal breakfast 200 cal
french bread pizza 380
chips 160
1/2 c homemade chili 149 I really hope that's right
1 slice american cheese 60
14 g fritos 80
1 homemade M&M cookie--I am thinking 200? It feels like 200
3 small bites of a pineapple ice cream dessert and I have no idea what that was so I am just assigning it 200 cal and calling it a day.
Total: 1490
I walked the horseshoe.
I weigh tomorrow and get my bp checked.
Making wise choices joyfully,
Laura
Thursday, November 3, 2011
I Love Fall Because I Hate Sweating
My favorite time of the year! Not just because my birthday is in October, but because the humidity and extreme heat have headed south for a few months. Ugh I hate sweating. I hate feeling all sticky and gross. I do NOT enjoy the summer. I remember loving summer when I was a kid. No school, swimming, playing outside, long days filled with nothing. Well now that I'm all grown up, summer is just like any other time except the kids are all home and it's beastly hot outside. I have to pay to go swimming, so how many times do you think I took my 8 kids swimming? Like never. I was secretly glad we couldn't afford it, because me + swimsuit = delightful video on youtube or america's funniest videos. We would go swimming at my brother's once a year, my kids always looked so forward to that, and I did too, once I was in the water. There my weight only meant I could float on top of the water effortlessly! I was just as good a swimmer as when I was a kid, and I could cavort like everyone else. Until I had to come OUT of the water. Man, the feel of all that weight after none was just incredible. Hits you so hard.
I have always loved being able to cover up my body with more clothes! Summer means clothes come OFF and all the cute little girls and women with their cute little bodies and their thin legs and no cellulite or stretch marks anywhere can run around and be so attractive and here I am, in my black pants and t shirt, too embarrassed to wear shorts in public, hating and envying them at the same time.
I get so mad at myself sometimes for letting my youth fly by and not getting to enjoy it. I am 50 years old now. FIFTY. That is so OLD to me. I never got to wear pretty clothes or swing on a swingset or play with my kids at a park or hold them on my lap instead of up on my stomach. I look back on all those years when my 8 kids were growing and yes, I was very very busy. I didn't even go to the bathroom by myself. You either
a. go the bathroom with the door open because if you don't the little kids stand outside the door and cry and bang on it and put their little fingers under it and who can concentrate and the older kids say ewwwwww mom shut the door that's gross but they were the ones who always wanted it open in the first place!
or b. Take all the little ones into the bathroom with you so they won't get into stuff or make messes or squabble and maybe even nurse the baby because they just cannot wait 2 minutes and the toddlers hear your poo hit the water and want to look and you have to talk to them the whole time about going to the bathroom and wiping and how important it is to be big and not poo in your pants.
How do women have time to even think about themselves? I had 8 children. I had a baby every other year since 1989. We homeschooled for 10 years. And I was busy. And I look back at those times and I hate myself for letting all the fat pile on but I just can't change the past.
I can only start now and work on today.
Today I will eat 1500 calories.
Today I will rejoice because the children are all in school and I am home alone and it is quiet and peaceful.
Today I will take a walk.
I am not putting off my weight loss until tomorrow anymore. Because how many tomorrows do we have? I have wasted too many of them. I want to live my life without this burden that I carry, the fat, the anger, the self-loathing, the disappointment, the discouragement. I want to LIVE.
**********A List of Random Wants and Wishes****
I want to run if the urge hits me and have it not be a big deal at all.
I want to be actually cold and not hot and sweaty all the time, needing a coat instead of a thick sweater.
I want to revel in the warmth of summer, not hiding in my air conditioned house, but out and about in cute shorts and tops and not look hideous but trim.
I want to go up the stairs 2 at a time without even thinking of it, like I used to, because I am in a hurry and it takes too long to go one at a time.
I want people to see me for who I am, not see the fat which is what people only look at and I am not criticizing because shamefully I do it too.
I want pretty clothes. Pretty.
I want to go canoeing again and not worry about my end of the canoe sinking WAY down into the water and my husband's side flying way UP in the water, or not fitting in the canoe, or any of the scary things I can imagine about being in a canoe while fat.
I want to be able to sit in any chair without looking carefully at it first.
I don't mind being big chested I just wish they weren't so HUGE.
I honestly don't care what other men think, I do want my husband to think I'm attractive, I just don't want people to think I am UNattractive.
I want my outside to finally fit the image I have of myself in my mind. They never do match. I see myself so vibrant and lovely and trim and I can deceive myself when I look in a mirror but videos and pictures bring out the horrible truth. I am floored, ridiculously so, to see myself the way others do, the way I REALLY AM.
I want wise food choices to be natural, not forced. I want my eating less to be the way of my life, and overeating is just something I wouldn't do. I guess I mean having it be second nature.
And I wish I could lose like 10 pounds a week but it will probably be around 2 or 3 pounds.
And I wish I could be thin tomorrow but it will probably take a year. And I wish that I could see a difference RIGHT NOW in my clothes or my reflection but it will probably take a few months.
I wish I was more patient.
***********End****************
And because I want these things more than I want to be fat, I will eat less today and take a walk.
Such a cold and blustery day. I want to make Cindy's Soup for dinner. It's a cheesy potato soup. And now I'm in agony because I'm going to have to figure out how many calories this is which means much laborious figuring.
Walked the horseshoe and my husband went with me! He said at first he thought it would be cake but by the time we finished he was huffing a bit. Now he understands why I need a few minutes to recover when I'm done!
Food Diary for today:
Normal breakfast 200 cal
burrito 400
chips 160
small peanut butter and chocolate brownie heated up in the microwave yummmmm. I'm assuming it's horribly high like maybe 350, 400? I really am unsure on this one.
1/2 c Cindy's soup I estimate this between 200 and 250 cal
1 roll 90 cal
So I am pretty sure I came under my calories but dang I don't know for sure. I hate eating stuff that I don't know what the calories are.
Went out tonight to WM with some of the kids. They asked if we were going to McDonald's afterwards. Because sadly, that had become a regular part of my trips to WM up north. (there is no fast food in my little town) We did not. I told them we weren't and why and they were cool with it and didn't say another word. Sweethearts.
Making wise choices the cool hip thing to be doing,
Laura
I have always loved being able to cover up my body with more clothes! Summer means clothes come OFF and all the cute little girls and women with their cute little bodies and their thin legs and no cellulite or stretch marks anywhere can run around and be so attractive and here I am, in my black pants and t shirt, too embarrassed to wear shorts in public, hating and envying them at the same time.
I get so mad at myself sometimes for letting my youth fly by and not getting to enjoy it. I am 50 years old now. FIFTY. That is so OLD to me. I never got to wear pretty clothes or swing on a swingset or play with my kids at a park or hold them on my lap instead of up on my stomach. I look back on all those years when my 8 kids were growing and yes, I was very very busy. I didn't even go to the bathroom by myself. You either
a. go the bathroom with the door open because if you don't the little kids stand outside the door and cry and bang on it and put their little fingers under it and who can concentrate and the older kids say ewwwwww mom shut the door that's gross but they were the ones who always wanted it open in the first place!
or b. Take all the little ones into the bathroom with you so they won't get into stuff or make messes or squabble and maybe even nurse the baby because they just cannot wait 2 minutes and the toddlers hear your poo hit the water and want to look and you have to talk to them the whole time about going to the bathroom and wiping and how important it is to be big and not poo in your pants.
How do women have time to even think about themselves? I had 8 children. I had a baby every other year since 1989. We homeschooled for 10 years. And I was busy. And I look back at those times and I hate myself for letting all the fat pile on but I just can't change the past.
I can only start now and work on today.
Today I will eat 1500 calories.
Today I will rejoice because the children are all in school and I am home alone and it is quiet and peaceful.
Today I will take a walk.
I am not putting off my weight loss until tomorrow anymore. Because how many tomorrows do we have? I have wasted too many of them. I want to live my life without this burden that I carry, the fat, the anger, the self-loathing, the disappointment, the discouragement. I want to LIVE.
**********A List of Random Wants and Wishes****
I want to run if the urge hits me and have it not be a big deal at all.
I want to be actually cold and not hot and sweaty all the time, needing a coat instead of a thick sweater.
I want to revel in the warmth of summer, not hiding in my air conditioned house, but out and about in cute shorts and tops and not look hideous but trim.
I want to go up the stairs 2 at a time without even thinking of it, like I used to, because I am in a hurry and it takes too long to go one at a time.
I want people to see me for who I am, not see the fat which is what people only look at and I am not criticizing because shamefully I do it too.
I want pretty clothes. Pretty.
I want to go canoeing again and not worry about my end of the canoe sinking WAY down into the water and my husband's side flying way UP in the water, or not fitting in the canoe, or any of the scary things I can imagine about being in a canoe while fat.
I want to be able to sit in any chair without looking carefully at it first.
I don't mind being big chested I just wish they weren't so HUGE.
I honestly don't care what other men think, I do want my husband to think I'm attractive, I just don't want people to think I am UNattractive.
I want my outside to finally fit the image I have of myself in my mind. They never do match. I see myself so vibrant and lovely and trim and I can deceive myself when I look in a mirror but videos and pictures bring out the horrible truth. I am floored, ridiculously so, to see myself the way others do, the way I REALLY AM.
I want wise food choices to be natural, not forced. I want my eating less to be the way of my life, and overeating is just something I wouldn't do. I guess I mean having it be second nature.
And I wish I could lose like 10 pounds a week but it will probably be around 2 or 3 pounds.
And I wish I could be thin tomorrow but it will probably take a year. And I wish that I could see a difference RIGHT NOW in my clothes or my reflection but it will probably take a few months.
I wish I was more patient.
***********End****************
And because I want these things more than I want to be fat, I will eat less today and take a walk.
Such a cold and blustery day. I want to make Cindy's Soup for dinner. It's a cheesy potato soup. And now I'm in agony because I'm going to have to figure out how many calories this is which means much laborious figuring.
Walked the horseshoe and my husband went with me! He said at first he thought it would be cake but by the time we finished he was huffing a bit. Now he understands why I need a few minutes to recover when I'm done!
Food Diary for today:
Normal breakfast 200 cal
burrito 400
chips 160
small peanut butter and chocolate brownie heated up in the microwave yummmmm. I'm assuming it's horribly high like maybe 350, 400? I really am unsure on this one.
1/2 c Cindy's soup I estimate this between 200 and 250 cal
1 roll 90 cal
So I am pretty sure I came under my calories but dang I don't know for sure. I hate eating stuff that I don't know what the calories are.
Went out tonight to WM with some of the kids. They asked if we were going to McDonald's afterwards. Because sadly, that had become a regular part of my trips to WM up north. (there is no fast food in my little town) We did not. I told them we weren't and why and they were cool with it and didn't say another word. Sweethearts.
Making wise choices the cool hip thing to be doing,
Laura
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